Wednesday, August 02, 2023

Annette is 4

Happy birthday, my little Annette. My darling who calls her babies darlings and nurses them to sleep. 

This morning we woke, hugged, kissed, sang to you. You let us sleep. We took the kids to piano. I had two late nights in a row and I was feeling it today. 

We met our family at In-N-Out for lunch. Cheeseburgers animal style YUM. 

Went back home and decorated, got snacks and made cookies. Elsa Frozen Shiny blue and silver birthday party for little Nette and her best gals, Jane, Ivy, Josie Barnes, Josie Bloxham, Sami, Hattie, Ella, and Zoey. 

They played and dressed up, did hair chalk, stick on earrings, took pictures, opened gifts, did crafts, ate cookies, and had an epic dance party. 

After everyone was gone, we went and watched clips of frozen the Broadway musical, and then started Frozen 2

We had fish tacos with homemade tortillas. Zoey and annette love the sour cream best. 

The sun is setting; Hattie is home from girls’ activities; Fred is at mutual;  Collin is at a meeting and then will be out with friends tonight; Zoey is asleep. Im falling asleep. Another day gone, but now annette is 4. 



























Awake too late

Little hands reach up to my face in the darkness. She nurses, gulps and swallows, over and over, while she drifts back to sleep. I’m tired. Really tired. 

Harriet laid down on the stairs. Trying to get my attention. Trying to reach out for me in her own way. I asked her to move out of the way. I didn’t go spend time with her. We did earlier though. We had the best time. We will tomorrow. We will make goals, write our book, make some art. 

I want to play wii with Fred and Hattie and Ella. After church. I will use a quiet voice from now on. 

I’m falling asleep. 

Tuesday, July 25, 2023

Today

 Today was a big day. 

We exercised! 100 sit ups, 50 jumping jacks, 20 push ups, 10 burpees, run around the circle (stairs). 

I talked w Kendra on the phone about Kyle being in Iraq and Jack getting hurt in the forest. 

While putting Zoey down to nap I read the Liahona. I read about the temple bringing comfort and tips for success in marriage  I felt the spirit and want to keep reading and sharing. Come follow me was my favorite scripture today. Acts 17: 28-29

I had my root canal. I was afraid. The kids and I prayed before. Everything worked out. It was 3 hours. Long and hard and I’m very sore. 6 shots!! But it went well, I’m told. 

Fred Hattie Ella’s last day of summer hip hop  a joy to watch them dance. Tears and blessings for the last few moments. I didn’t miss it. Joy and pride.

Dinner on Tuesdays is grilled chicken  I heated tortilla bread and Collin made a tomato and fresh mozzarella salad. We added pickles. A delicious dinner. 

Annette went to her last day of summer tumbling. It’s  all going so fast. I’m not ready for them to leave again.

When my meds had worn off, my pain was coming fast. I went upstairs and put Zoey to bed. We were going to have a movie night and Collin and annette brought home an ice cream bar. I was in so much pain but still 3 hours till I could take more meds. The kids took care of me. Hattie room my hand and insisted I lay down and tucked me in. She read stories to me as I drifted in and out of sleep. Ella and bread asked how I was doing. Kisses and loved on me. Annette got home and sang to me, “go to sleep; go to sleep; go to sleep my little baby,” and lovingly touched my chin. She asked, “and how are you?” 

Then we watched the movie, My Neighbor, Totoro, and the kids just loved it. Fred feels so much joy and shares it. I slept throughout and always felt better upon waking. Zoey slept through it all. 

After the movie,  Fred and Hattie were too tired to move and fell asleep on the couch. Collin and I put annette and Ella to bed and it was so sweet. 


I’m grateful for my family, who teaches me everything, who makes me feel so happy and never alone. I’m grateful for our sealing in the temple. And I’m grateful for the organization of the church, which is meant to support families. That was an answer to a prayer today. 


Good night. 









Wagon wheel falls

 5 senses for a golden moment


I hear: the falls, the kids encouraging each other. 

I feel: the cool water, Ella and annette on my back, water up my nose and in my ear after cliff jumping, the rush of fear and excitement as I bravely showed my children I can do anything. 

I see: Fred having a good time. Zoey exploring. Collin watching and soaking it all in. Hattie guiding her sisters. Hattie jumping from the cliff into the water; her hesitation and then elation. Ella sun bathing on the rock. Annette following her sisters to the ends of the earth. 

I smell: fresh water, pine trees

I taste: peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Pizza Hut buffet, Taco Bell root beer. 

It’s pioneer day

And we are on a mini road trip up to payson to hike to a waterfall. We stopped at a Pizza Hut for their lunch buffet. Collin has been searching for one in every small town we visit. He finally found one. The kids loved it. They played the board games there and the arcade games and ate all the pizza, breadsticks, pasta, salad, cucumbers and olives. And root beer!!! It felt like we had moved in; Zoey was laying on the ground, eating pizza, blissing out. 

On the way up, Collin and I talked out our recent disagreement and I feel so much better about it. 

The waterfall and swimming hole were amazing! I jumped off a cliff into the water and so did Hattie! we swam and played and explored. I saved Zoey when she got a little too far out. That was scary. She’s ok. Payson has a Flagstaff feel. 

“I like to die and fall apart, cause I am part—TARANTULA!!” -Hattie 

We saw tarantulas tossing the road on the way home!!!!!!

Me: “Knives and swords!?! That place is nuts!!” Fred: “Yes, please!”




















Wednesday, March 23, 2022

Welcome, Zoey Louise



Here’s the story of the big little surprise and big little entrance into the world of a sweet little gal called Zoey. 

Part way into the pandemic we found out we were expecting another child!!!!!!! We hadn’t planned for this and this big surprise was a BIT of a shock for us!! But here we were…having another child! Fast forward 41 weeks……to March 14, the day after my 38th bday. 

I had been thinning and feeling twinges for days. Mostly at night.

I took Ella to kindergarten that morning . Tried to sleep in the afternoon; Annette was so tired and tantruming but wouldn’t nap. She was screaming and crying, which was very unusual for her. 

1:30/40pm felt an interesting movement. A budge. 

Went pee, then when I got up, water was still trickling out. Was so confused. Must have been my water releasing?!?! I was distracted w annette so I wasn’t sure. 

1:58pm I texted and told Collin I can’t get the kids from school. He had a really busy day with work but when he heard about the water we decided to text Christine.

2:13pm Texted Christine about the water. No surges were happening so we said we would keep in touch. 

I put on movie for annette (Winnie the Pooh) and lay down in bed, listening to hypnobirthing tracks for a couple of hours.

When collin and the kids got home, I was resting. They all went downstairs or outside to play. I had to go to the bathroom, afterward dropped to my hands and knees on the bathroom floor and giant surge. Wanted to get in the tub but couldn’t move. I thought, “I don’t want to do this here.” 

At 4:11pm I texted Christine, “come.” I called for Collin but my voice came out so quiet. Breathed through the surge, somehow reached and turned on the water, not too hot, felt for and found the plug, put it in place and flopped myself into the tub like a seal.

I lay on my side with my right arm and leg over the side of the tub. Collin came upstairs!!!! Yay!!

I told him “more water.” He thought I needed it to drink and I started to leave, “no! Don’t leave me!” I called. He put more water in the tub, got a towel for my face to lay on. Then I asked him to get my phone and play Hypnobirthing affirmations. He did and gave me a blessing. This gave me so much strength. More big surges coming. Collin suggested getting on my hands and knees and I said NO. (Didn’t want to move from that comfy position). But I knew that’s what I needed to do so I did. I tried not to strain or tense at all while leaning to the side of the tub with my hands. Then I started to breathe the head out. Big short breaths and I felt the head coming out. I could feel that it was a big baby. Collin was encouraging me, “the baby’s coming! The baby’s here!” After a lot of hard work through one surge, I felt down and expected to feel a head but it was gone! Back inside! Dang it! Haha! Collin told me later that he had watched the head come all the way out to the mouth and then go back inside!!

Another surge and more deep short breaths. I felt for the head to guide it out and felt it there, a wrinkly point. So intense and then finally the head was out!!!! For good!!! I said, ok go get the kids! Collin sprinted and got them and just as they came up, the body was born. 

The baby swam up to me!! I caught and held the slippery body to me, so purple and sweet. She didn’t make any noise for a second and then let out a cry and gurgle and breathed heavily. She heard my voice and felt herself close to me and got super calm and quiet. Opened her eyes a bit. I turned her over and announced that she was a girl. Fred said, “Aw…but I’m still so happy.” The kids all touched and talked to her. Annette kept touching her cheek and saying, “baby, baby,” over and over. Hattie told me she was so happy she wanted to scream and so she went outside and yelled and yelled for joy. I just sat up in the tub with her in my arms. Christine came in, they helped me to the bed. After pains were coming, I wanted to birth the placenta but also didn’t want to. Phew it was all so intense and hard. 

Finally the placenta came out, and I felt instant relief. She started to nurse and stayed on my chest for a couple of hours. 

Bleeding was normal/minimal, and there was no tearing at all! Christine had prepared me with teaching me about guiding the head out and using calmer, more controlled breathing. The placenta was healthy and good and very big! Ella wanted to cut the cord and Hattie got to help her. They did great. 

My brother, Joseph, came to see the baby and everyone was so excited!

After laying and nursing with me for a while, baby got her vitamin K shot, was weighed and measured…21 inches long and 9.5 pounds!

All the kids are all helpful and so loving to her. They want to hold her and have alone time with her and me. It’s been hard for them to leave and go to school and activities. Collin has been taking care of everything and we are so busy that we barely get time together just us three. But my mom will be coming soon!


Zoey Louise Smith 

Monday March 14, 4:24pm

We both love Zoey so much. It means “life.”

Louise means “warrior,” and Collin felt a strong connection to it.   

After another day, my mom arrived and that was comforting and helpful to me and us in so many ways  

Then Friday….

Christine, our midwife, had been coming every couple days to check up on us as per usual, but Friday my blood pressure was high—really high, and she recommended I go to get checked immediately. 

The kids had played dates scheduled with friends that day and night and so Collin and Zoey and I left together. We first went to urgent care, assuming we would be sent home with an RX. They took my BP, and felt it was serious enough to send me to the ER. We went to St Marks, again, not knowing what would happen, but assuming we would be in and out. They got me right into a bed and the drs and nurses were sort of freaking out. Zoey needed to eat but because of ivs in both arms I couldn’t feed her. My milk had just come in the day before and she had already had a hard time latching on the left breast. I kept asking for a pump so she could be fed, then out of nowhere, they told me I was being transferred to labor and delivery and would be in the hospital for all least 2 days! My heart sunk.  It’s was 9/10pm by now, we were not prepared to be overnight, the kids had arrived home and were upset and scared that we weren’t there when they got home. It was really really hard and I was also scared about my health.

Thank goodness my mom was here with the kids. I finally got a pump and Collin fed Zoey my milk. And finally someone explained to us what was going on and why I had to stay. I had postpartum preeclampsia with very high blood pressure and was high risk for a stroke or seizure. After getting lots of medicine, I didn’t want Collin to leave me but he went home for an hour to grab a few things. He took Zoey with him just in case to keep her safe. That was a hard time to be all along in the hospital late at night. I missed my kids and my newborn and my husband and home. It made me so grateful and so sad for many who have long hospital stays. 

To speed things up, everything turned out the way the drs hoped; I responded well to medications and was able to leave Sunday morning to go home. All the drs and nurses were so kind and loving and informative. I am so grateful for them. The second night my mom stayed with me so Collin could be with the kids. We had a fun time. I continued to pump for Zoey and my mom would feed her. 

We got home Sunday on a rainy day and it felt like it had been forever. I first saw Collin and Ella, home from church and I just held them and cried. Newborn hormones and sleep deprivation from staying in a hospital and all the beeping machines etc is no joke. 

Then the rest of the family got home too. We were so happy to be together and also everyone is showing how hard it’s been on them in different ways. The kids had so many questions. Some were indifferent; some were really hurt and felt I had abandoned them. They were so glad to see baby Zoey too. 

It feels like square one as I am healing from birth and trying to figure out breastfeeding, which is really really hard right now. The kids are pushing boundaries and are doing so well considering. I feel total gratitude for them and for Collin and my mom, who are doing everything they have to do plus what I usually do. Plus being yelled at and acted out on by kiddos figuring out where the boundaries are. 

I’m so grateful for a midwife who came 3 times to check on me in one week, and cares enough to make sure I’m safe and healthy. 

I’m grateful for little Zoey and our journey so far. It’s pretty chaotic and sometimes I don’t know how I’m going to do this. But as I pray, I feel inspired each day on ways to connect to each of my children and husband and how we will get through hard times and how blessed we are to have each other. A big thank you to friends for so much love and support. For meals and diapers and texts and offering to help or visit. 


Now pictures!!


March 13, 41 weeks

little mermaid Zoe, fresh out of the oven



 
 
 


 
 
 
 
  



on the way to the pediatrician


 

 
 

 
 







If you're interested...the birth stories of