Big brother.

It's such a change going from having just Freddie to two kids. It's sad to think Freddie won't ever have only my attention every day ever again. But we are all adjusting and he's doing awesome. That kid is resilient. I try to have patience in general but lose it with him sometimes. He's such a good boy. He is pushing boundaries and learning about his place in this world. So sometimes he pushes my buttons or doesn't listen and I get frustrated---then feel so badly I want to cry and die and hope and pray he doesn't feel like he's been replaced or is bad or that I'm upset with him.

So many emotions!!! Phew!!!

Yesterday was one of these times and I got so upset. Then I felt so guilty but at the same time didn't want to go back on discipline I'd threatened. Ah it's so hard parenting and knowing what to do. I cried a little, and let me tell you, this kid is so aware of peoples emotions and what's going on. He immediately melted and tried comforting me and even told me, with his adorable face and huge blue eyes and shoulders shrugged with hands in the air,  "milky isn't for Freddie! Only for babies!" He thought this would make me feel better, hehe. I didn't know what to do besides hold him and hug him, tell him I'm sorry and that he's such a good boy and makes me so happy. He told me, "I'm soddy (sorry), mommy." Oh man that boy. I love him so much. He teaches me everyday about patience, forgiveness, love, and respect. 

He loves Hattie. He really doesn't show signs of jealousy or dislike for her. He says he wants to see baby or Hattie all the time. He wants uppy baby (to hold her!!) allllllll the time. He can't stop grinning while he looks at her. He holds her hand while they tandem nurse. He rubs her head and pats her tummy and gets really close to her face to play or kiss her or squish noses. It all makes me super nervous at times because he can't control himself so well, but I try to let go of the stuff that's not dangerous. 

Hattie seems to really like Frederick, too. She grins right back and him. When he overwhelms her she gives him concerned looks, and will let me know with her tears or cries that it's too much. 

I love my babes so much. Fred spent the night at my moms last night. He packed his little monkey suitcase and left with her, yelling, "bye, mommay!!!!" The whole way. It's so fun for him to have  something different and to be with his grandparents and uncle. And sure it's super easy to just take care of a newborn...but I miss that little bug. I have this empty feeling in my heart, without him. Can't wait to see him, later today!!!