I dunno why...

But I feel my heart is going to burst out of  my chest! I feel so happy right now! Hormones and moods are nutty but every now and again this wave of happiness comes over me (just as waves of down-ness) and overwhelm me with smiles and gratitude. I love my husband and my children so much. Fred and Hat are sleeping around me and Fred just woke up with his GIANT bed head and acted all zombie then was about to start nursing but I told him his has to give me a giant hug first and he did hahaha. 

It's 4pm and that means we should get up and play play play play and start making dinner and daddyo will be home in 2 hrs!!! We will play w Fred's new play dough he got for his bday and then read books books books and clean up and separate some laundry. 

Earlier today we went on a quick walk and went swimming with grandma. It was so great. Hot but not INSANELY hot, so that's cool! And the water was actually COOL! It was all lovely. Then we made and ate lunch. We were talking and cooing w Hattie, who babbles back; she's a great conversationalist and we laugh so hard with her and she laughs back. Hehehhe good babes. Then bed and I watched Call the Midwife while they were sleeping. Season 3 is on netflix now and I LOVE IT so much. Just started. 

Freddie's bday party was SO SO much fun. I'll post about it this week!!! And yesterday was a day full of church as we attended our regular meetings as well as stake conference in our old stake because the apostle, Russell M Nelson spoke! We got to meet him and it was wonderful. I'm going to post my notes on the meeting too. Today I had a problem and I turned to the Book of Mormon and it helped a lot! 

Okay gotta go! I'm STARVING!!! I know my weight isn't where I'd like it but with my daughter being so dependent it's hard to exercise got long periods of time or very effectively. But I know this time is short and that soon enough I'll be able to work hard at the gym!! Can't wait for the nicer weather so we can go to the park and run around outside more!!!! 

Yes, pregnancy is hard. I forgot how hard! Or maybe this one is just a little more challenging having another child. But reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and all the positive (though many challenging) birth stories and thinking about my own birth with Freddie, and thinking about how "wow, I'm pregnant now!" And thinking of possible future pregnancies and births...just them alone without all the other hard stuff that comes w them...I love pregnancy and love birth! Call me crazy, but i's a miracle. It's amazing. I feel very blessed. I don't want to complain. At yoga today I learned modifications to help me be more gentle on my ever-changing body (I'm in a regular class-not prenatal so I can't do everything they do anymore.) And during one part we had to look up at our cupped arm over our heads and we were told that whatever thoughts we were thinking are reflected back to us so to make sure we are thinking positively and kindly. I usually do think negative things about myself; it sucks. but I was feeling so good that all of a sudden I found myself thinking all these awesome things. It was very empowering and gave me confidence and peace. I'm awesome. I feel good about my body. I make it to the gym 3-4 rimes a week. I love the little bean growing in there. My husband is awesome and funny and loves me so much!! My son is adorable. He tries my patience 100 times a day these days, but he is soooo funny and cute and he's teaching me to teach him and so much more. I love cats! And I have two of the cutest, sweetest, cuddliest, and most independent ever. 

Today I'm 16 weeks and ill have more patience, more fun, more gratitude as I wait and prepare for December. 

Another, more successful try

Got up extra early
Plenty of time to get us all ready
Many prayers aloud and in my heart
Pleading for a heart to heal and comfort for us all. Peace.
Bye daddy, then lay back, close to me, all eyes shut, suck suck suck. I drifted off, only 10 minutes had passed.
It's time. Pack up, out the door, bites of muffin, on the road. The sidewalk. The road; there isn't sidewalk, explaining all the way.
Insuring
Promising
Preparing.
Through doors, early so I could play and show him it's fun. A few tears, but they stop because it IS fun and Candy, the babysitter, is nice. We play basketball. Happy!
Its time.
Hug, kiss, vain reassurance, then gone, left, out, behind, alone.
Class starts,

breathing
Deeply
In
Out
Familiar
Lay down
Balance
breathe
Struggle
Sweat

It's been too long
My mind is free
Everything weighing so heavily lifts from my soul, heart, brain, up my throat, stinging, almost crying.
Then calm. Peace. Hard work. Why did I leave you?
Good.
Done.
Back to my world. Hugs. Mine eager; his tearful.
United
Home
Suck suck suck. Eyes drifting. Breath slowing.

What a morning.

So I joined a gym! And today I took a Zumba class which means Fred had his first day in the kids club. He cried hard. It was hard on me. They said he would settle down but every time a parent would open the door to drop off their child, he would start crying again. It was hard but after a lot of reading, advice from experienced moms, child care attendees and breastfeeding groups, talks with Collin and PRAYERS, I do believe that he will be okay and that it won't be a damaging traumatic experience in the long run. It's not the same thing as leaving him alone in the dark to "cry it out." There were sweet women who were holding him and comforting him. This will be good practice for going into nursery next month at church.

STARTIN small

okay for a while there I was doing so great with working out, losing weight...but it didn't quite make it past the middle of january there, so here I am, starting over, and excited about it.

sometimes I don't do Yoga because the time committment seems daunting. With the above video, I have no excuse. And Freddie totally did it with me today. Love that kid. I also joined a gym!!! BLAST! Fitness!!! It's brand new and about a block away and they have Zumba classes and free child care, WOO!! I've been sick the past week so I'll start up hopefully Monday.

Starting Monday

I'm always wanting to cut out junk and candy because its such a weakness of mine but its so hard to do it alone!! But starting Monday my sister-in-law and I are doing this 21 day challenge!! We will be adding NO SODA and workouts to it and will be texting each other daily to say what we ARE eating, what exercises etc to keep accountable. Yes, I realize this goes through Thanksgiving. But it doesn't say we can't have turkey or stuffing or potatoes or salads. We will just cut out pie, cakes, and the insane amounts of fattening appetizers. I'm really excited about it! Anyone want to join us?

really quickly

The film Another Earth is incredible. The story, acting, cinematography, music, and even font. beautiful. please watch it.

I'm going to read Le Leche League International's The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. I just can't get enough.

I just ordered Jillian Michael's 30 day shred from Amazon. Let's DO THIS. Everyone: hold me accountable. I want to feel good again.

Montgomery is an insomniac like me.

You know how I won a big giveaway last month, with 9 different prizes? I only ever got 4. Oh well, but weird, huh!! Oh well.

Jayna Hedges cut my hair and I LOVE IT. Best cut I've ever had. Liked it immediately, (no awkward stage right after), lighter, texture, side fringe (that means side bangs in Ireland), and I just let it dry and it does just what I want it to!!!! Dream!!!!

I've lived in Utah, California, Nevada, Arizona, Athlone Ireland, Prague Czech Republic, Ouelessebougou Mali, and Maryland.

Did you know that Yeah Samake is running for President of Mali and he is the only Mormon in the country? While we were living in Mali, he had just been elected Major of Ouelessebougou, and invited us to his home where we ate with his posse, used his FLUSHING toilet, and road with him through the middle of a football field and sat with him where he was the honorary guest. Very cool, indeed. He is an incredible man for real, though.


I really want an HTC Radar 4G phone. It is SO cool (and also $400, so THAT'S not happening).

I'm going to do this next month:

I would like to have an adventure soon. Very soon. Time to go feed my baby and then sleep. night.