My baby forever

I went through a major mourning time when I was deciding that I was done having children. I went over it all in my head again and again. I played advocate for each side, arguing with myself. I discussed it with collin at length. It was an easy decision for him. He’s always wanted four. I’ve never known how many kids I wanted. I was playing it by ear each time. And recently I had the number 5 in my head. I didn’t want to be done forever with having babies. Being pregnant. Feeling all those kicks inside my belly. Sacrificing for this special life I was growing. I would never give birth again. I would never nurse for the first time again. And someday, I would never nurse again.
I had an experience finally that hushed my fears and anxiety over the whole thing and gave me peace and allowed me to confidently decide that we would be moving on to a new phase after this baby was grown. I decided to recognize what I had and to give myself permission to be sad about whatever I wanted to be sad about in the future. But I wasn’t going to regret.
Covid distancing began in March 2020, and it became even more clear that I wasn’t going to have another child. Then, months later, I was talking to some good friends who are our age and are thinking they will have another. Suddenly all the feelings and thrills of having a new baby came back to me. I was jealous too.  It looking at Annette, playing with the kids today...warm feelings of confidence and finality come to me, reminding me that for reasons that are important to me, Collin and I are done having kids. We will focus on these. They are wonderful incredible humans, and I’m excited for our lives together.

School is out for SUMMER!

After the most different school year of our lives, including 12 weeks of distance learning at home, the kids are done and school is out for summer. Hattie finished kindergarten and is now a 1st grader. Fred finished 2nd grade and is now a 3rd grader. Ella will begin her preschool year. We don’t know what school in the fall will look like. We don’t know if they will start with distance learning again, go with major restrictions, part time, or if everything will be completely back to normal. We can’t know for a while. I am so proud of them and all their work. They did work hard. I am honored that I got to experience it along side them. There were hard and frustrating days, and many rewarding, good days. There was about a week that we didn’t finish most or any of the work, but we did finish almost all of it. And there was a LOT. BUT it was all so valuable. There were some people saying we shouldn’t force school and that the stress wasn’t worth it, and I did keep that in mind. Though there were some stressful times, I felt strongly that my kids needed to do as much of the schooling that they could, that I could guide them, that it would bless their lives and give them and me guidance and purpose during this global pandemic. It has. I feel so much accomplishment and it did bless our lives as we found our rhythm together and worked at our goals every day. The Holy Ghost guided me through this school year the whole time. 

This was the rhythm that we settled on that worked best for us (after much trial and error!!) 

Wake

Breakfast and scriptures

Exercise (eye of the tiger!)

Get dressed/ready (there was always a day or two a week that we stayed in our PJs all day)

School time Fred and Hattie while I nursed Annette to sleep on the couch for her first nap and Ella would do trues school with her)

Lunch

Outside play until dinner time 

(At 2pm if we didn’t finish all of school and music there Was time to work on that)

Dinner

Chores

Family walk

Bedtime

Looking back, this has been some of the best times our family has ever had. Collin would be working all day and would usually make lunch and dinner. 

Happy summer!!!

My family, LATELY

We just got back from a giant amazing trip to the East! We visited Maryland, Virginia, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Delaware! I'll be blogging about that over the next little bit, and MORE exciting news soon, but here's some of what the smiths have been up to this summer....

We have been working, having fun, working on our new home some more, playing together as much as possible. We feel close as a family. 

The kids have been "earning" bikes this summer. They have charts and when they do certain things they get stickers. When their charts get completely filled up, they will earn their bikes!!!! Hey have been working all summer and it'll take a while longer but they are doing great. There are things such as, listening to mom and dad, brushing teeth, pooping in the toilet, saying a prayer, cleaning up, trying a new food, finishing their meal, helping in the garden, and a few more. Hattie's is a simplified version.  Hers also has sitting on the potty. :) did I mention, Fred is finally officially poop trained? It happened back in he beginning of June. YAY!! 

We have been loving our new library, the Chandler Downtown Library. There are great story times and play groups and we have met a few friends already! We demolished the summer reading program. :) 

Naps. Long naps every afternoon. Fred has always needed naps. And then....

This past Wednesday he wouldn't nap. And again Thursday. And fri, sat....I'm sure he might today (we will see!) but wow, my boy is growing up. Cuties on Tuesday. 

Swim lessons!!! We are doing our second session on swim lessons at our neighborhood pool- Folley Pool, and we love it so much. $15 bucks a kid, too! Can't beat that! Hattie is so so comfortable in the pool: blows bubbles, jumps right in, holds her breath. And Fred has gotten so much more comfortable in the water. He goes under on his own and loves being in his class. I feel that their foundation at Swimkids USA was invaluable. Daddy joins us almost every day because classes are in the evening. We go home and eat and are nice and worn out for bed. :)

I have been getting super healthy in stroller strides! I love it! I feel strong and amazing! During the summer it's in the mall and so we always stay afterward to play and run around until naps. It's so fun. 

Had our last day at the Children's museum before our membership expired. We went as a family and had the best time ever. 

We have loved that place so much. It's been very good to our family. 

Top 10 new stories for the Smith family and GO!!

1. We are sick! Hattie and I were dying yesterday and still today. Fred went to grandmas and we went to the dr. Hattie has a cold and horrible cough and I have an ear infection!!!! Sucks. Got lots of Meds. Fred and Collin not feeling well today. 

2. 4th of July plans!!! We hope to get well soon because we are planning a day trip to a small AZ town for the 4th with a parade, carnival and fireworks!

3. We are MOVING! To Ahwatukee w my parents! We are boxing everything up and getting ready to be out of here in 3 weeks!! We will miss this little place. And I mean LITTLE. Too small for our growing fam. This transition will allow us to save a ton of money for many important future goals. 

4. Nikki almost done w Personal Progress! I was so close but then haven't worked on it since hat was born. I'm a week or two away and I'm going to do it!!!

5. Collin and I were asked to speak in church before we go and CS is singing at a missionary fireside coming up. Plus I putting on a Yw activity where we are finishing our goal of reading the b of m this year by reading the last book-Moroni-together and having some ancient prophets tell their story. Collin is my actor playing Enos. 

6. Hattie has 2 teeth!!!! She's started trying to pull herself up on anything she can reach! She does NOT like puréed foods. 

7. Fred is improving at swimming lessons, he's doing very well at cutting back to just a couple times of nursing a day (and so our nursing relationship is wonderful again!!) we will continue to gradually cut back but I'm thankful to continue w these limits. He is SO excited to get his darn boot off in one week! 

8. We are playing inside mostly these days and have gotten really creative e imaginative play and puzzles, crafts, stuffed animals, cars, and even a candy land session or 2. 

We also love going to story time at Barnes and noble and fun activities at the library, of course. 

9. Collin and I tried to see the Signal last night and it was soooo interesting so far but we had to leave because Hattie was sick and crying too much. We got read it passes. 

10. I love Collin, Freddie & Hattie Smith! And monte and dot are good too! They are lazy sleepies in the summer time. 

10b. I have been thrown up on a total of 5 times in the last 24 hrs. Make that 6. 

Our gal. Our guy.

Harriet is scooting herself all over the floor these days! She's 5.5 months old and such a happy, calm baby. She stares at me with big blue eyes (with one blot of brown in one!!) and it's just us forever and ever. I feel a strong, deep connecting with her. If I sit her up she can stay there on her own till she gets bored and reaches for something to play with. She loves holding and playing with and putting everything in her mouth! She is a party animal and loves to be right in the middle of the action, but also loves for the attention to be on her big brother (he doesn't mind this either!!) I have quite a pair of goofballs! I love their fun quirky personalities.

 Freddie gets funnier, more defiant and independent, sweeter, and gentler by the day. He's learning so much and is so much fun. He surprises me so much too! He's gotten to the stage of repeating everything we say and do. He's so aware. He is a peacemaker in our family and gets upset if there is contention of any kind in our home. He takes care of his little sissy and reminds me of what (he thinks) she needs. And he's usually right. I feel both my kids have been very easy babies but it has been a challenge having two for me. I wouldn't change anything for the world though so I can't complain. It's all about learning and growing and figuring it out. I'm trying to do that and some days are better and easier than...others. 

At night we eat dinner and then around 7/7:30 I go into our bedroom and turn out all the lights and nurse Hattie to sleep. During that time, Collin starts a bath w Freddie, gets him ready for bed and brushes his teeth, and they read in bed for a while (both the kids LOVE reading and I've decided that's the best thing---books rather than toys!) they read scriptures and I come in and we say a prayer and either Collin or I get alone time w Fred where we lay down and sing or talk and fall asleep together. It's all very special and wonderful.

We have decided that to help us with patience (because sadly a growing learning experimenting toddler can produce so much frustration for adults, controlling and stubborn as we are!) we just have to try to keep in mind at all times that everything we do and he wants to do is a learning teaching opportunity, and that is our purpose. He wants to help with every little part of making dinner and sometimes that means a huge mess, things take forever or just aren't done the way we want them, but none of that matters. It matters that I can teach him how to hold a handle and stir properly, open a stick of butter all on his own, pour in an ingredient, wipe something up etc and he will practice and get better and even more importantly develop confidence that he can be successful and that his mom trusts him. It's a big work in progress but I think we are getting better.

This summer (spring for another 20 days!) is already super sweaty unbearablely hot so I've been loading up the calendar with tons of indoor things to do...library events like baby and toddler time, reptile guy, puppet theater, rocks and minerals, minion mania literacy night, children's museum, I.d.e.a. Museum, an indoor train and carousel, national geographic kids club, Eric Carl reading time, meet CORDUROY!!, Frozen in July, Summer movies at harkins, and more. And anything outside will be swimming or splash pad hopping. I think it will be a lot of fun. 

Alright, time to get up. Just laying in bed w my sweet angels. 

(Pic from Saturday.)

Outdoors.

Feeding the ducks the other day...and met an old man from the Far East who guess I was Mormon and then told me about his connection to the church for an hour! Phew! What an interesting guy he was. We will see him again. He was surprised at the freedom I gave Frederick to run around the pond and commented that in his culture they are very protective of their young and would never allow something like that...but that maybe if they did they would be more daring and courageous! He told me I'm doing a good job as a mom...which was nice to hear even if he doesn't even know me haha!

Baby ducks!

It's so summer

It's still technically spring but late spring in phx is 107, and schools are mostly out everywhere so that's what we call it. We are working on summer fun lists over here, and filling our calendar up with library group, national geographic, Barnes and Nobel story time, and lots more summer fun. My plan is still to get outside to play at least a half hour everyday because I feel it's important, but mostly just to get out of the house and take advantage of the many fun things going on around the valley...indoors. In a/c! Hattie and Freddie are so much fun right now. And I'm coming out of my post partum worries and enjoying the now!! Life is good. We are so blessed. I'm in love w Collin.

I wanna see this film...

Children's museum!

Found her shadow.

Spring has sprung!!!

Spring is in full force in Phoenix and you know what that means...it's 99 degrees!!!! Ahhhh!!! The pool water is getting warmer, the heat is getting closer, and I'm getting sweatier by the day.

We are loving the warm/cool breezy evenings and still cool mornings. But apparently the heat is record breaking for this time of year. Oh man, we have already started planning our mini summer trips that will get us as far from the heat as possible almost every weekend! 

Getting outside and even riding public transit as much as possible before it gets too hot to even step outside. Seriously. You can disintegrate. Below, Hattie's first bus ride. She alept most if the time. She loved it. Fred loves the bus sooooo much. I forgot to let him press the button to open the back doors and he was soooooooooooo sad. But don't worry--he got to press it on the way back.

Beautiful day out!!!

Its suddenly a billion degrees, super sweaty, have-to-turn-your-a/c-on-full-blast, HOT. There will only be shorts or skirts for me from now till November. But it is blue skis beautiful and we had a great day w friends at a ball game and the zoo. Frederick just loves being with lots of kids and I love watching him grow. He's constantly pointing and asking, "what's that?!" He loves to learn and experience everything. I read recently that it's good to try not to tell kids to "hurry" and to let them explore the works around them, and that usually my need to hurry is more about my own poor time management. I've been really trying to never use the word and to give myself at least 15 extra minutes to get to the car!! And now instead of stressing, I just enjoy watching Freddie as he takes his time, picks up a million rocks, stops to watch bugs crawl or listen to birds or tell me it's windy and it's not raining today (yeah get used to it kid.) sure it takes forever to get places and we are last many times, but hey, what else to I have to do that's more important than my child counting every light in the complex and trying my keys on every mailbox lock, oops! Hehe.

The weather; the times; the life; the mind

Beautiful day today. Uh oh, it's happening. Every year around this time it starts getting gorgeous and cool and it's Halloween (my favorite holiday), and we drive with the windows open and walk to all the antique shops and love Phoenix and forget how miserable summer is. Well man, it's getting really nice out. This morning was 84 and we went to our favorite park and sat in the grass and watched the airplanes land. Then friends came to join us and Frederick was in heaven with all the kids around. He loves playing and being with "friends."
I love being with other adults! This summer was hard and lonely/depressing at times because we had to stay in doors so much with the heat + pregnancy. Plus everyone was so busy. But with the nice weather will come much more to do.

I'm so excited for this season, getting ready for Christmas and our next baby and Collins family visiting. I feel very happy right now. And with that and some photos, dot and I are going to nap. Fred is down for the count.

More blog posts soon on our trip to St George and Freddie's second birthday!

The zoo!!

Yesterday Freddie and Emily and Charlie and I took a trip to the zoo. It has been 110-15 lately and the forecast said like 98 so we thought it would be great. But it was still insane hot and really really humid. We had a great time anyway, enjoying lots of animals, the seriously awesome splash pad, and other kids. Freds favorite is usually the goats at the petting zoo but this time we did it last and after a few hours of walking around (and he insists on walking always now..."I want walk!") he was so tired that he sort of could have cared less about those super smelly goats. He did talk to them a little. Maaahaaa.

On an update note, Fred is getting so big and independent. He counts to 10, loves the letters F ("for Freddie"), W, S, X and H, and the colors red and white. He now insists on me feeding him at every meal which he is very capable of but I think its his way of still being my baby. He knows that something is coming. He might not be able to comprehend it, but neither can I, but I know he is very aware.

He talks so much; its so fun to communicate. With all if this growing and independence comes more frustration for everyone but we try to stay patient........ha. :)
I'm feeling great. Just get tired and out if breath easily, but IM continuing to work out a few times a week, we are in the middle of taking Hypnobirthing classes again and are loving practicing and studying together daily. I cannot wait to give birth again and to have another little baby, for frederick to have a sibling, to grow our family.


The pictures uploaded backwards and im not redoing it. byyyyye. 

turtles mating and charlie screaming

splash pad happy stuff

a bird trying to eat a snake

Zebra
!!