My baby forever

I went through a major mourning time when I was deciding that I was done having children. I went over it all in my head again and again. I played advocate for each side, arguing with myself. I discussed it with collin at length. It was an easy decision for him. He’s always wanted four. I’ve never known how many kids I wanted. I was playing it by ear each time. And recently I had the number 5 in my head. I didn’t want to be done forever with having babies. Being pregnant. Feeling all those kicks inside my belly. Sacrificing for this special life I was growing. I would never give birth again. I would never nurse for the first time again. And someday, I would never nurse again.
I had an experience finally that hushed my fears and anxiety over the whole thing and gave me peace and allowed me to confidently decide that we would be moving on to a new phase after this baby was grown. I decided to recognize what I had and to give myself permission to be sad about whatever I wanted to be sad about in the future. But I wasn’t going to regret.
Covid distancing began in March 2020, and it became even more clear that I wasn’t going to have another child. Then, months later, I was talking to some good friends who are our age and are thinking they will have another. Suddenly all the feelings and thrills of having a new baby came back to me. I was jealous too.  It looking at Annette, playing with the kids today...warm feelings of confidence and finality come to me, reminding me that for reasons that are important to me, Collin and I are done having kids. We will focus on these. They are wonderful incredible humans, and I’m excited for our lives together.

Potty update

Saturday lots of peeling in the toilet. One accident of forgetting. It was at a friends house but luckily on the tile. 

That night he wanted to wear a diaper to bed. Sunday he was excited to wear underwear again. One accident. Monday morning he POOPED in the potty, first time ever and completely not prompted. That day we had swim lessons and he was pretty insecure and cried for me a lot. (He had a hard time last week too. Not the norm for him.) His instructor said his skill is all there but a) the other two kids in the class cry the entire time and it might he freaking him out but she also thinks that b) working on learning to wear underwear is a big milestone and it could be really overwhelming him. (Which is no big deal to any of us, just an observation.)  He has wanted to wear diapers since lessons. Mon night for fhe we went swimming and had a great time. 

so we will just try to listen to what he's saying and needing and take it slow. 

Honestly I love reaching these new milestones together and figuring it all out. I don't mind him wearing diapers---never have had a hard time w it so I'm good w going at his pace :)