In the Next Life. Maria Taylor

This song is from her brand new album. I love her. I love her music. I have for 14ish years! Her beautiful voice and talent and thoughts. When I started listening to her music I was 19 and adventuring and finding myself. She was a young woman too, a young musician with something beautiful and special to sing about with her friend, Orenda Fink. Then it was about love and loss and redemption(winky ML). Now it's about her maturing and life and marriage and two babies. Her take on motherhood. Such an unexpected love for her.  I relate. I didn't grow up dreaming about my wedding or becoming a mother. I never have really enjoyed kids much, besides my awesome little brother. But marriage and love and motherhood found me and I love it. I love my life. It's hard and stressful and not really rewarding. But I feel it's why I have come to this place circling all around the sun.

"So I'll live until the livin's done. Got a feeling there's another one."

It has been 6 years

It's been 6 years since I woke up next to Collin for the first time. 

There's so much that's happened. We have grown, changed, gotten better and of course, worse, in some ways. It's taken me 6 years to figure a couple things out.

I'm learning to trust more, in a (more)real way. I'm learning to accept the person in the mirror and get on with it. I'm realizing things about life, marriage, children and parenting, existence, death, eternity, time, mortality, and things that don't matter, that MATTER. When I trust, don't stress, enjoy, get on the floor, dance it out, MOVE, live life to the fullest, really pay attention, I am happier. My marriage is happy. I don't feel guilty for wasting even a second with my angels. Any 4 of them (Collin, Frederick, Harriet & Dot.)

Life is such a blessing. It's a time to live, prove, obey, and serve. I'm so happy for the relationships I have. I love the people around me snd people I meet. I love making human connections and holding onto and strengthening those bonds. 

I have changed in 6 years. I'm hardly that long, thin, wild, spontaeous thing with a long mess of tangled hate that I never brushed and thought looked good (seriously?? seriously...) I'm different.  But that's life, I think! We have a long way to go!!! Its really beautiful. 

Happy holidays. I love this time of year so much. And happy 6 years, Smith.