August 21, 2014


Harriet Jillian smith at 8 months:

She crawls all over, super fast! She uses all fours or a tripod leg to get even faster. She sits up high on her knees and waves and thrashes her arms about...either dancing or showing us how strong she is and that she can beat us up. 
She says mama and dada although I'm pretty sure dada was her first word.  She and Collin have really bonded recently. She adores him. When he gets home from work Collin takes her and plays with her and she just lights up and won't stop staring at him. 
She is so tough! Freddie gives her the ol heave ho and mostly she takes it and just laughs a lot...until she's had enough and cries a high-pitched super feminine cry or scream. I love how "girly" it is. 
Girl loves her sleep. She is also interested in every little detail around her and spends time on the floor inspecting every crack and knob. She loves to splash in water and will have a full conversation in baby talk with ya. She "ooooooohs" a lot and we all love to mimic her. She also loves food and will eat anything we give her...she will crawl up to a low table and grab a huge vine of grapes and try to eat them all...before you can even say, "Hattie!!!" Hehe. She also lives nursing and being close to mama bShe is so much fun every day and adds so much to our family. We all adore her. Happy bday darling sweet baby girl. 

August 17, 2014

A friend asked for advice on tandem nursing...

I got pregnant w my daughter when my son was 18 months and bfeeding all the time. My supply did go way down but he didn't lose interest!!!!! It was painful at times but it didn't feel right to wean. Then I had my 2nd when first was 27 mo and when the milk came in he was at first weirded out but then loved it!! The fatty super nutrient rich newborn milk made him grow a ton and gave him chubby cheeks and soft skin. My newborn always had plenty of milk and she comes first with the milk. He tells me, "Hattie needs mommy! She wants milky!" I have been tandem nursing for 8 months. And my son will be 3 next month. It has had it's challenges!!!!!!! Yes!!! It can be downright crazy sometimes and I've felt the guilt many times over him being so young still and having to grow up so much but the bond they share and that I share w each is so beautiful. They nap together and hold hands and wrestle and play and love each other. And in the midst of all his growing pains and learning how to be a part of this world, he has the comfort and security of nursing. It's not for everyone! But it's great for us. 

August 13, 2014

Evening walk

The grass
The sounds: clicking, calling, calming
The light blue, fading
Up up there are tiny holes through which see it coming through
Running running running stopping turning connecting to my eyes. And then around again. 
Breathe deeply the night
Keep deeply this night
Look fondly
Hold hugging
These arms carrying everything in them. They must be good enough, must work harder. 

Glee following and coming. 
He's slowing, stopping, dragging, begging, resting. Giving it all to me.
Rest now. 

August 10, 2014

I love my family

Wholesome Activities Will Strengthen My Family

Read this ensign article. I have been realizing many things recently, one being that I struggle with just sitting down w my kids sometimes. We go out lots and play and do things but when we are home I'm easily distracted while the kids play. This is fine and good for them to be independent but I also want to spend some of this precious time with them on the floor at their level, giving them my UNDIVIDED attention, while they are tiny and so innocent and so in love with me. 
I want and need for them to feel they are the priority. They need it. It will build their confidence and bring us closer together. 
I love these little rascals. 

We've been in Utah and have been loving it!!! Why have we not gone on more long road trips?? They are so good. Hattie gets a little fussy being in the car too much. But it's fun being gone. 
At my cousin, Ilene's, home, there is so much yard and garden. They kids just play and play and are so happy and distracted. The weather and greenery are beautiful. We love driving around Provo. I feel connected to my family here. We are going to see very good friends from Rockville today!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited I could die. 
Hattie is cruising on all the furniture, tries to climb stairs, rolls and gets stuck under the bed, plays w all the toys, crawls all over, opens cracked doors, thinks she is generally hilarious (and she's right) and puts lots of tiny objects from a non baby proofed house in her mouth (coins, rubber bands, and more.)

And now I need to sleep more. 

August 4, 2014

I'm definitely having one of those moments when it looks like everyone else is so happy and has the best marriages and what an easy time raising their kids and so many friends.....and I feel so far from all those things. 

August 3, 2014

Magic in the moonlight

Magic in the Moonlight, Woody Allen 

A very good film. Gorgeous cinematography and scenery (southern France). Beautiful costumes (set in late 20s). Great acting. Great great writing/story. Gives one lots to talk about after. 

Date night last night and after getting some pants and dinner at kneaders (so good!!) we watched this film, arms together, sleeping Harriet. A couple stopped us after the movie and said how beautiful Hattie is and that they used to take their now teenaged-daughter to movies as a baby. 
It was slightly raining and quite cool out after the movie. We walked to the car and smith commented on how romantic it felt. I was thinking it. It was late. We kissed because it felt right and looked up at the rain. 

August 2, 2014


In Mosiah 4:9+

Believe in God. Trust him. In all things, everyday, remember him and the fact that I'm nothing without him...humble myself because of his steadfastness and long suffering toward me, unqorthy as I am. Call on him daily. Endure. Remain steadfast in my faith in him. 

If I do this....

V12- I will be filled with love. I will not have a mind to injure another person, but to live peaceably. 
My children will not go hungry, will love each other, will remain faithful. 
I will lift up others around me and give to the poor and needy and teach my children to walk in righteousness and to love and serve each other. 

I want to do these. 

July 29, 2014


Amidst the craziness of moving we are saddened and humbled. Dear friend of the family (and Joseph's close friend), 16 year old Evan, was diagnosed w stage 3 osteosarcoma (bone cancer). We love him and are praying for him and them constantly.  Every time I pray I am comforted and reminded that all that matters is that they have each other and that they are a family forever. They are amazingly faithful and positive. I am in awe and inspired by their faith and hope. Heavenly Father loves them. So much. I don't understand why this is happening. I really am having a hard time processing it at all---but that's where my faith comes in. It has to. Without it, id go crazy. There have been many many tears. We don't ever know what is coming. But this life I'd not the end. This is the true gospel of Jesus Christ. God is real and is our loving Heavenly Father. 

July 27, 2014


My heart is very full of love. Today was out last day in the Osborn ward. I'll never forget driving up to this gorgeous building 3+ years ago, pregnant with Freddie, not knowing what life would bring. I've served in Young women for 2.5 years and it has blessed my life! By the grace of God I was able to know and be a part of the lives of his amazing daughters. 
They are smart, interesting, kind, beautiful, strong. They are future mothers, missionaries, leaders. They make me proud. They represent Jesus Christ. They know who they are, what they want, where they are going. 
They have taught me so much. I love them!!! The others leaders have also blessed my life and have been my rriends, confidants, my sisters! Becky Astorga-I am your loyal, loving counselor. You have taught me about being a mother and juggling all of life's craziness. You are an example of true, sincere, Christlike service. Dorothy Finn-you taught me to teach by the spirit, to challenge the girls, to laugh at myself and  be forgiving. You have become two of my best friends. All the leaders and girls have touched my life in many ways. They all are important and bring something to the group. They all are missed when they aren't present. 

I have learned that I can do hard things, that I can have a relationship with Heavenly Father, that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I am made whole. I can be successful at this calling and others because he makes up for where I lack. 

The future is bright. 

July 24, 2014

Holy Batman story time, Batman!!!!

Today we went to Barnes and Nobel batman day! I'm sort of horrible at planning but usually want to go all out or at least semi-out with these things...also into homemade my poor child had a bat mask made by me in three minutes. He wore a red cape...half robin, half batman??...and he took off my lovely mask before we got into the store and refused to wear it. Oh well!!! The store was decked out, the employees too...whom we have gotten to know well since going to almost all of their events this summer. They are some quirky quirks, I'll tell ya. Everyone was asking Fred who he was (red cape) and he would just shout out random super heroes. Ha! We made bat signal mustaches, colored/cut up into a billion pieces some batman pictures, Fred got his face painted with a bat on one cheek and a superman (that he calls Spider-Man) on the other. (Split super hero personality disorder????)

Anyway....then was story time. It was a book about batman and all the villains getting together to thwart him after the joker busted them all out of jail. It was a full house (tiny table) of kids today. Lots of dads really into batman. ALL the kids were constantly stopping the reader to ask all sorts of hilarious random questions and telling random stories about batman or their dads etc. 
Then I was wondering...are there any batman cartoons/movies out there that these kids can even watch that aren't super dark/violent? The Cartoon Network cartoon a decade or so back was awesome but def not for kids. Apparently there was something back in the 70s that was pretty kid friendly. We will have to check it out. 
Hattie spent the whole time crawling around in every direction, trying to pull all the books off shelves and just being generally adorable. Freddie was super into the story and particularly concerned about this Scarecrow fellow (oh boy..) and made friends with every human in the store practically. 

It was great fun. Plus we got goody bags with REAL batman masks. It took us forever to get out of the store because Fred loves books and was asking me about almost every one on the way out, I swear trying to stall me. And it was 115 today. Agggg! 
Everyone took good long naps at home afterward and I watched the season 3 finale of call the midwife. So emotional! Love that show. Then we woke up, ate, watched peg+cat (so cute...girl and her cat drawn on graph paper and it's all about solving math word problems!!!), and went outside for an adventure...(blanket down on grass and somersaults, scooter, crawling and eating dirt, dot sprawling out on warm sidewalk, talking w neighbors, me loving my kids and thinking I can do this and waiting patiently for daddy to get home.) 

Night!! This Sunday I get my pp award with two of my laurel young women. We three are so excited to stand up together and I love them so much.