Oxytocin is awesome.

It really is. So many purposes and one of them is to blast a super happy feeling all throughout my body when I first start nursing. It's been stronger than ever this time around. When I finally lay down with Ella to nurse (after she's been showing lots of hunger signs, but waiting patiently while I finish up whatever I'm doing for the other kids or house or whatever as long as I'm holding her. She's been sucking her fingers and my neck for a few minutes now...) we snuggle tight and she's so giddy...a big giant dimply smile explodes on her beautiful soft face, I'm smiling so hard too and we stare into each other's eyes...those blueberry eyes!!  We latch and an overwhelming feeling of happiness come over me. Then compete relaxation and peace. We talk (her with her mouth full) and blink and slowly nod to sleep. 

I love this. It's incredible.

nursing, sleeping, night weaning!

For Fred's whole life he's pretty much woken up every 2 hours to nurse, which I NEVER minded before because we were co-sleeping (till he was a year, then he'd go to sleep in his room and sleep walk into ours) and he would nurse in his and MY sleep. I hardly noticed at all and never felt slept deprived...but then I got pregnant and my milk vanished and the nursing hurt like crap and rather than gulping it down for about 5 minutes he just sucked and sucked for an hour or MORE!!!!! ahhhh.

So suddenly it wasn't fun anymore. Suddenly we had to make changes. Luckily, because my milk was decreasing by the moment, I've never gone through painful engorgement even though this has happened pretty rapidly. A friend had sent me this article, and I really like how gentle it was when it came to co sleeping and night weaning and how seriously it took the emotional attachment of a long time nursing relationship. But I also liked how sympathetic he was to needing sleep!!

Collin and I read it over apart and then together. We made a game plan, and we started. I honestly never saw it working. I couldn't see Frederick, who pretty much loves to nurse more than anything in the world, going 7+ hours straight without nursing. But, he did. Since we started he has not nursed from 11pm-6am.  We thought it would be difficult because he has a floor bed and can come into our room freely, and I also thought he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep without it but each time he came in, one of us picked him up, cuddled him, sang, laid him down and he went to sleep on his own within 5-15 minutes!!

We skipped the "nursing for a little while but not to sleep" because there's no way he'd ever stop. The first few days we gave him whole wheat tortilla and water, which he gobbled down vigorously. And MAN did he cry HARD. And it was definitely that ANGRY ANGRY cry. When I took him he wouldn't cry very much, just whimper cause I wouldn't let him nurse, but I was firm and consistent. I told him the milk was asleep at night from now on. It seemed to work. When Collin would take him, a couple of times he acted so mad that Collin was KEEPING him from his mommy! But he got over that. It was hard to hear him cry like that, and although I was used to no sleep, Collin had a bit of a hard time. But we stuck with it. After the first 4 days he wasn't really interested in the food part and would just drink. Then he would even deny that sometimes.

Now he goes from bedtime (about 7:30-8) to 6 or 7am without nursing. He does still wake 1-2 times per night, but he goes right back to sleep and we're working on it gradually. He's doing really great. He's just 1.5 years, after all! And Collin and I wonder WHO ever came up with the expectation of babies sleeping so perfectly so soon? I mean it's nice and all, but seriously, what adult doesn't wake now and then for a glass of water or to pee or because of a weird dream? And we have decades on them!!
Since I have no milk (it's turning into colostrum...AWESOME Kellymom article HERE). Fred is eating so much more regular food throughout the day. He nurses 1-2 times a day just for closeness, comfort, calm, familiar. And I love it. Life is good again.

It's good to see that everything we've done hasn't completely screwed him up...though I'm sure we'll make changes here and there with the next one. I know it's not for everyone, but we've loved co sleeping and nursing and how confident and independent while still appropriately attached to us it's helping him become. 

Now if only I could teach him to not throw food on the ground, spill every glass of water on PURPOSE, rip records out of their cases and climb up and mess with record player, terrorize the cats, slap and kick us or just teach myself to be patient with any of these!!!!!!!!! hehe. 

Another, more successful try

Got up extra early
Plenty of time to get us all ready
Many prayers aloud and in my heart
Pleading for a heart to heal and comfort for us all. Peace.
Bye daddy, then lay back, close to me, all eyes shut, suck suck suck. I drifted off, only 10 minutes had passed.
It's time. Pack up, out the door, bites of muffin, on the road. The sidewalk. The road; there isn't sidewalk, explaining all the way.
Insuring
Promising
Preparing.
Through doors, early so I could play and show him it's fun. A few tears, but they stop because it IS fun and Candy, the babysitter, is nice. We play basketball. Happy!
Its time.
Hug, kiss, vain reassurance, then gone, left, out, behind, alone.
Class starts,

breathing
Deeply
In
Out
Familiar
Lay down
Balance
breathe
Struggle
Sweat

It's been too long
My mind is free
Everything weighing so heavily lifts from my soul, heart, brain, up my throat, stinging, almost crying.
Then calm. Peace. Hard work. Why did I leave you?
Good.
Done.
Back to my world. Hugs. Mine eager; his tearful.
United
Home
Suck suck suck. Eyes drifting. Breath slowing.

this that this

Playing at the park...throwing all the leaves away...why do we have just 3 months of cold weather and it's more like fall than winter? Phx is cra...

 

Frederick goes to the Dentist!!

Fredrick had his first trip to the dentist this month. I'd been told to take him when he got his first teeth and since he had 13 (and now 15!!!) I figured it was about time. The office, Phoenix Pediatric Dental, was so cute; the staff so friendly!! Frederick was so good. They put super little ones in their own room in case they scream bloody murder but Fred didn't need it. He didn't even shed a tear! The technician and dentist were both so sweet and gentle with him and let me hold him while they checked his teeth. After just a few minutes he felt super comfortable being his happy silly self. The verdict: his teeth look amazing and very healthy! We are going to continue to brush every day! Something else I loved about the place: the dentist was a huge advocate for breastfeeding! When told that Fred was still nursing he said that is great and to continue it for as long as we desire. There are natural sugars present in breast milk, but they aren't potentially harmful to teeth until combined with other foods (which didn't start till 6 months) and then if he nurses to sleep I can just take a little wet cloth and wipe off the upper front teeth. Got it, D!! See you in 6 months!

Oh yeah! And if you go there, tell them I referred you and ill get a free movie pass!! ;)

Mongolia

Here is a beautiful and interesting article about a mother's experience breastfeeding in Mongolia.

Breastfeeding in the land of Genghis Khan

It helped remind me that what my instincts are telling me is a normal thing. I loved the part on westerners' views of independence.

I don't understand why breastfeeding is such an uncomfortable thing for people. (Myself included! Before I had Freddie I had a friend say she was going to nurse her daughter till at least two and I was, I'm saddened to say, weirded out!!! I only hope and pray that I didn't discourage her or make her feel alienated in any way.) I was recently told that breastfeeding in public is not modest and that I should be aware of the religious consequences it would bring. But if God created me and created my breasts to fill with milk to sustain my baby's life, and if being a mother is my divine roll and the most important thing I will ever do, all things I believe with my whole heart, then what's the problem if I nurse my child in public, while living my life, making it easier on me, my child, family, friends? It raises my mental health by keeping me surrounded by people, allowing me to be out and about, helping me feel less lonely and strange, something most mothers experience after having a child. What's the problem if you see a little boob while a sweet mother, doing her best, tries to latch her baby or keep the interest of her hungry, yet distracted toddler? It's just a boob!!!!!!! Really!!!!!! I don't understand why it's considered not keeping private. Im feeding a human being!!!!! It is normal!!!! When breasts are used in pornography, or even just regular tv these days, to promote sex, then yes, that is inappropriate! that is degrading! It has the potential to break up families. And in some instances, that is considered okay, hot, praised. Geeez, what a backwards world we live it. Happily, I think our world is becoming more open and people becoming more educated and understanding that their way is not the only way (once again, including me! I do not think my way of parenting is the only way....it's the best way I know how for me and my son and my family; and it's my life, to try, learn, and grow. And I respect others to do as they feel is the best way.)
I think many people are much more open to possibilities and differences these days. Honestly, in public I've gotten nothing but Love from other moms/dads offering help or encouragement, sharing a story of their breastfeeding days. Its only on Facebook, behind the computer screen that people feel the need, (nay, the duty!) to put me in my place. Ha, oh well; that is their prerogative! I'm just an advocate for the breast, and the right to feed in public and not feel embarrassed or ashamed or alone, and also for the invigoration of doing what you need to do, what you were made to do, without a thought, anywhere you are, while satisfying a fundamental need and sustaining life.

Old/New

Two days ago on Facebook there was a quote that said mothers sacrifice for their babies and I "liked" it, posting it on my own page. I guess a few people took it offensively, and posted their feelings on it, one being an Aunt of mine. She got it all out. Then others responded to the first person, escalating with more offense, angry replies, and more people involved on each side. It hurt me that people would think I'd be so judgmental of them; that people on either side would set aside any thought of how this would effect my relationships with family members; and most of all, that my Facebook page would be a forum for such judgement, intolerance, hurtful sarcasm (all is hurtful in my opinion) or even hate. ---especially when all I was doing (in my mind) was agree that all mothers sacrifice and that motherhood is a beautiful and wondrous thing.
I've seen this behavior over and over on fb, especially since the election, people using other peoples' posts to get out their frustrations, not caring about the hurt or offense they might cause others. That's the point of the Internet, right? You can say anything you want without having consequence??? (not really but we are made to feel that way, invincible for a time.) I myself, am no where near free from being guilty of this, sadly. I'm doing it even now. I guess it's the world we live in.
Then last night, after fretting about how to delete the post altogether, I found out that a childhood friend's husband passed away Friday morning, after a long fight with brain cancer, leaving her and two daughters. Then i thought of my own cousin who Iost her 4th child during birth, Christmas morning. It sickened me to think of the real suffering that's going on for these women and all over the world while we are wrapped up in fb, creating more stress for ourselves. I don't hold anything against anyone involved in my post, but I decided to leave Fb once and for all, and deleted my account. Those kinds of things seem monumentous, but they really aren't.
I will still post opinions, here on this blog, where I think it's more appropriate....mostly because very few people actually read this, that I know of. Comments and differing opinions are welcome, but my hope is that the mean ones will be left elsewhere. This is intended to be a space for a love of babies, family, animals, adventure, spirituality, the experiences of a first time mother/parent, pictures, food, and creativity.
Happy New Year.
And, by the way, I'm so touched and inspired by the faith shown by both of the beautiful women i mentioned above who have lost so deeply. They seem so prepared and hopeful. They are both in my prayers and on my mind.

Jaime Grumet speaks out!

Remember that controversial Time magazine cover this past May with the mother breastfeeding her 3-year-old? This is that mother's response to the backlash. Time mag basically called her and other well-known nursing, attachment parenting, blogging, moms up and told them that they wanted to interview and photograph them for the 20th anniversary of Dr. Sears', The Baby Book. She didn't know they were going to flip that and misrepresent attachment parenting, Dr. Sears, The Baby Book and Jaime Grumet herself by choosing the least loving photo (which Jaime said was taken when a "break" was called) and slapping on the cover, "ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH?" alienating any moms who don't nurse or nurse extendedly. She, like I, believes that mothers do what hey have to and that we all need to unite and respect each other no matter what. 

With love. Check it out.

Pathways Magazine

Applebees Nurse-in 2012

Look at me....quite the little activist, huh.
I don't mean to be. I don't want to alienate anyone from me.
I'm passionate about certain things, and enjoy connecting with others also passionate about them. But I don't think my way is the only way or even the best way. It's just the best way for Fred and Collin and me.

So here we are at the Applebees Nurse-in on Saturday September 29th. (It was NOT a protest against Applebees of any kind, but a peaceful rally, to unite nursing mothers and bring awareness that nursing in public is okay!!!)

Basically, earlier in September, a woman at an Applebees in Georgia was nursing her child, and was asked by the manager to go to the bathroom to do so, or to leave. There is a law in GA, (the same as there is in AZ), that women are allowed to breastfeed in any place where they are lawfully able to be. She patiently told this manager her rights and then the manager called the cops and humiliated her and her family. Of course, the cops sided with the nursing mother, but it was a very unfortunate situation that could have been avoided.

I don't mind boobs. I truly believe that they are made to nurse. I know my husband loves them too, for other reasons, but he also respects that they have a very important function: sustaining the life of our child. Unfortunately our world has sexualized breasts to the point of extreme discomfort for a lot of people when it comes to nursing.

Think about it....when a woman is wearing something low cut, or tight, or revealing or sheer, it's considered HOT. But a woman is feeding her child, a truly beautiful gift from God, and heaven forbid a little skin shows, and people freak out with disgust. When a mom is just doing her best to take care of her baby. Well I support mothers and families! Women are expected to go behind closed doors and alienate themselves (when they are at a potentially lonely and challenging time in their lives...hormones and hanging with a babe all day make a gal starved for adult interaction! I swear!) or to put a blanket over their baby's head. Some people can do that just fine and I think that's great and fully support it, but I tried. I promise. Fred HATED it. We were both trying to figure out nursing in the first few months and I was timid and self-conscious as it were. I wanted to be with everyone when we had dinner company or hung out with friends (you know how social Collin and I are!) and I'd finally get Fred latched on, and then cover him up with a blanket and he'd get so upset, unlatch, milk would be SPRAYING everywhere, mortifying me and everyone else, and I'd end up flashing everyone anyway. So I finally said, Enough! I'm just going to nurse! If people don't like it they don't have to look or like me. And I'm pretty discrete anyway....(I think so...haha I could be totally wrong though!!)

I get not wanting to see other people's breasts when it is in a sexual context...most movies and TV, but when nursing? It's feeding a child...It's good for him and for me. It makes me happy and him happy. The World Health Organization recommends nursing to 2 years (which is my goal, by the way; I recently decided that I plan to wean at 2 years because that's what I feel good about. Collin feels good about it. Fred?? Well I think he'd nurse till forever if he could! I respect everyone's decisions on length of nursing with what works for them and their families! Love love love la-la-love, la-la-love makes the world go round!

Anyway...I could go on all day. I love mothers. I love them whether they nurse or formula feed. I love them because I know that I'm just trying to do my best, and they are too and I respect that so much.
Here are some photos from our fun day of Nursing-in. The managers at the Applebees we went to were super nice. All the people walking in and out of the restaurant were kind and respectful, too. We sat outside the place for a few hours and then afterward all went in and got food.

 (and she really is so supportive. I'm blessed with insanely supportive family (immediate and in-laws alike). I'm so so blessed.)

 Emily with Charlie, my mom with Fred. (Charlie and Fred like each other)

 super fun rally friends!

 I love my husband!

(some other signs we had were "if nursing in public bothers you, you can go eat in the bathroom " or "...then you can put a blanket over your head." hehe.)