My baby forever

I went through a major mourning time when I was deciding that I was done having children. I went over it all in my head again and again. I played advocate for each side, arguing with myself. I discussed it with collin at length. It was an easy decision for him. He’s always wanted four. I’ve never known how many kids I wanted. I was playing it by ear each time. And recently I had the number 5 in my head. I didn’t want to be done forever with having babies. Being pregnant. Feeling all those kicks inside my belly. Sacrificing for this special life I was growing. I would never give birth again. I would never nurse for the first time again. And someday, I would never nurse again.
I had an experience finally that hushed my fears and anxiety over the whole thing and gave me peace and allowed me to confidently decide that we would be moving on to a new phase after this baby was grown. I decided to recognize what I had and to give myself permission to be sad about whatever I wanted to be sad about in the future. But I wasn’t going to regret.
Covid distancing began in March 2020, and it became even more clear that I wasn’t going to have another child. Then, months later, I was talking to some good friends who are our age and are thinking they will have another. Suddenly all the feelings and thrills of having a new baby came back to me. I was jealous too.  It looking at Annette, playing with the kids today...warm feelings of confidence and finality come to me, reminding me that for reasons that are important to me, Collin and I are done having kids. We will focus on these. They are wonderful incredible humans, and I’m excited for our lives together.

photos lately!

Grandma visits

My mom came in for the weekend last week. It was a fun snowy time. Collin and I got to go on two dates while my mom bathed and put the kids to bed and it was fantastic. I really felt relief from daily routine and got a nice break. The kids adore their Grammy and bring her book after book and won't let her nap. Haha. Poor G. It was a jam-packed weekend. 

Excited to go to the airport!!!

Serious aviator. 

Hehehehhe baby hands w fake nails. 

Fun piano bar downtown. They played I Got You Babe for us. 

Fun time at the children's museum. 

HAHAHHAAHHA this girl!!!

They love each other so much!!!!! So bonded. 

There was a snow storm all day Saturday: my moms dream come true. But with it came super dangerous roads and no hot springs. Oh well!!

We went swimming at the community pool.  So fun. 

And sledding w dad. 

Love this kid. He's up for any adventure. 

She's awesome. Lasted 2 minutes to hen wanted to go in. 

Had the greatest family dinner Sunday night. 

Love this family. 

On our way to the Provo city center temple open house. It was one of the nose unique beautiful temples I've ever seen. 

Our dear friend Jayden and her three kids came too. Freddie was crazy adorable w her youngest and was playing peek a boo, making her laugh. He is so ready to be a big brother again.  

Unfortunately her darling 2 year old son got sick and had to go to the hospital right after this. It was so scary and sad. But she was strong and we felt the spirit that families are forever. Thankfully he will be ok!!! 

Me at about 25 weeks with babe #3. 

Grammy and Hat, Jan 2016. 

Fell asleep dropping her off at the airport. Always. Success. 

Busy spring stuff

So....life!!!!! It has been busy and wonderful.

Harriet has a strong personality and presence in our family. She seems like she's teething...shows hunger cues and eats until refusal and then wants everything in her mouth! She rolled over on Wednesday April 9th for the first time at 3 and a half months. 

Freddie finished up sports class and he loved it! I did too. Swim lessons started Monday. I'm super excited. It's a small class size for him (3 kids to 1 instructor) and I've heard amazing things. I have to get Fred swimming for real because we plan to be in the pool constantly this summer and there's way to much stress for me in holding a newborn and a toddler w never-ending energy. Hattie and I take the newborn class. Super excited for that too. :)

Frederick has been increasing in his independence and confidence lately. I've relaxed a bit on stressing about the amount of food he consumes and since then he has been eating so much better. He has gotten so gentle w Harriet!!! It's an incredible difference from when she was first born and he is even becoming a better helper (only refuses to "please please please hand me that burp cloth/wipe/diaper/water right next to you!!" Part of the time ;) and comforter to her but most of all he loves to play with and make his baby sister laugh. It's the best. And she laughs!!!!! She has a hearty laugh! She giggles, grins, stares, makes silly faces...and Fred and Collin and I crack up and she cracks up harder. It's awesome. 

Collin and I have tried hard at working together on parenting and budgeting and house keeping and we butt heads but we are learning to compromise and even give in. 

Cutie in her swim suit from Lulu.

It's so summer

It's still technically spring but late spring in phx is 107, and schools are mostly out everywhere so that's what we call it. We are working on summer fun lists over here, and filling our calendar up with library group, national geographic, Barnes and Nobel story time, and lots more summer fun. My plan is still to get outside to play at least a half hour everyday because I feel it's important, but mostly just to get out of the house and take advantage of the many fun things going on around the valley...indoors. In a/c! Hattie and Freddie are so much fun right now. And I'm coming out of my post partum worries and enjoying the now!! Life is good. We are so blessed. I'm in love w Collin.

I wanna see this film...

Children's museum!

Found her shadow.

Declaration and thanksgiving

We are beloved spirit daughters of God, and our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction. As a worldwide sisterhood, we are united in our devotion to Jesus Christ, our Savior and Exemplar. We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:

Increase our testimonies of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study.

Seek spiritual strength by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Dedicate ourselves to strengthening marriages, families, and homes.

Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood.

Delight in service and good works.

Love life and learning.

Stand for truth and righteousness.

Sustain the priesthood as the authority of God on earth.

Rejoice in the blessings of the temple, understand our divine destiny, and strive for exaltation.

(I memorized this as one of my personal progress value experiences and I think it's awesome.)

My blessings:

Our little Frederick turned 2 years old!!!

On Sunday, September 18th, 2011 at 8:55 pm, Frederick Ian Smith slipped into the world, into our arms, and into our lives for eternity. On Wednesday, Septmeber 18th, of this year, he turned 2 years old!!!!!!!!!! We, of course, celebrated!!!!!

It's kind of funny with a two year old and big events. They are so much more aware and by the end of the day he was all about the HAPPY BIRTHDAY FREDDIE! but they still don't get it enough to really get it. Which is kind of awesome....it's not as much pressure!!! We all woke up, sang happy birthday, and had his favorite breakfast...eggs and BACON! He got to talk to lots of family and friends! Grandma came and we visited Grandpa at work.

my little monster!!!!!