School is out for SUMMER!

After the most different school year of our lives, including 12 weeks of distance learning at home, the kids are done and school is out for summer. Hattie finished kindergarten and is now a 1st grader. Fred finished 2nd grade and is now a 3rd grader. Ella will begin her preschool year. We don’t know what school in the fall will look like. We don’t know if they will start with distance learning again, go with major restrictions, part time, or if everything will be completely back to normal. We can’t know for a while. I am so proud of them and all their work. They did work hard. I am honored that I got to experience it along side them. There were hard and frustrating days, and many rewarding, good days. There was about a week that we didn’t finish most or any of the work, but we did finish almost all of it. And there was a LOT. BUT it was all so valuable. There were some people saying we shouldn’t force school and that the stress wasn’t worth it, and I did keep that in mind. Though there were some stressful times, I felt strongly that my kids needed to do as much of the schooling that they could, that I could guide them, that it would bless their lives and give them and me guidance and purpose during this global pandemic. It has. I feel so much accomplishment and it did bless our lives as we found our rhythm together and worked at our goals every day. The Holy Ghost guided me through this school year the whole time. 

This was the rhythm that we settled on that worked best for us (after much trial and error!!) 

Wake

Breakfast and scriptures

Exercise (eye of the tiger!)

Get dressed/ready (there was always a day or two a week that we stayed in our PJs all day)

School time Fred and Hattie while I nursed Annette to sleep on the couch for her first nap and Ella would do trues school with her)

Lunch

Outside play until dinner time 

(At 2pm if we didn’t finish all of school and music there Was time to work on that)

Dinner

Chores

Family walk

Bedtime

Looking back, this has been some of the best times our family has ever had. Collin would be working all day and would usually make lunch and dinner. 

Happy summer!!!

Old life and new life at Honeysuckle Coffee Co

Its overwhelming to take in

It starts to feel like I’m outside of my body, watching myself in a movie or tv show. 

Playing a part 

Because this can’t be real. Everyone in masks. Everyone. The whole world. The human race. 

In my favorite coffee shop. They opened for business. I’m staring at everyone. I want to reach out. I want to connect. The old me is too timid. Knows that’s not what I should do. The me from the new world just sits here, heart pounding, wanting to say something, but paralyzed. I weakly smile at everyone. I fight back tears. My eyes get blurry anyway. My limbs are weak and racing. 

Why am I overwhelmed and emotional? Why can’t I move or speak? 

I mourn the loss and desire of the old world. The freedom. I’m jealous of the people in movies and tv from before. They can stand next to each other. They can go into and out of buildings without a care. They can rush down a crowded street. They can be with other people. They don’t know how lucky they are. They don’t know what’s coming. They are stupid. They don’t understand anything. 

I’m frozen. My chest rises and falls only because my body makes it happen automatically. My hands are numb and have no blood. 

I look outside the windows from inside. The world is beautiful right now. May. It’s alive. 

So much good has come from this for my family and community. But when I do things from the old life, I am shocked back into reality of the new. A wrestle with wanting normalcy and not knowing what it is anymore. 

Maybe my sorrow is from a place of wishing. Of humility. Wishing to go back and be better and take advantage of a freedom I never could have imagined to be lost. Things change quickly. Annette is close to walking. I want my parents to see her while she is still a baby. 

I will rush, even if it’s stupid and even if it’s dangerous.