When Frederick was newborn I would nurse him at night and I would walk around and I can't now remember if it was really necessary or if I just thought it was. He's my first born and always will be. Everything we experience with him will be completely new to us. That's scary and wonderful all at once. With Hattie, we're more relaxed and confident. We know that if she hits someone, it'll be okay, she'll grow out of it. My kids are growing up!!!! Its' breath-taking.

I want to give my children a mother who says, "I am beautiful" and not "I need to lose weight." I want to point out the beauty in things and people, instead of criticizing. I want to be happy and comfortable with myself and my body and I want to take care of it so that I can always play. When Frederick is frustrated I want to drop everything and make him laugh. When Hattie is crying and flailing I want to drop everything and hold and comfort her.

I want to protect my nestlings.

This afternoon:
Driving somewhere again. It's always, "get in the car," with me. It's my go-to move when we're all bored or antsy or driving each other nuts. Solution is to get OUT. to the park to run errands, to a store. It always helps w my kids to change the scenery.

Drove around in circles over and over wih Frederick on my lap, steering, in the library parking lot.
"You'd better turn so you don't crash!"
"Left!"
"Mom, when are we going to crash?"
"Never, I hope!"
Back in his seat, all buckled in. Thanks, you good boy!!!!

We don't get into the library. It's supposed to be open, but it's not. We have to get our prizes for the spring reading program!!! We did it so we have to! Tomorrow's the last day. The last day!!! I'll pop over on our way to Emily's.

Anyway so onto Target. Tried on swimsuits. I love sticking to a budget. I love getting cash out and having limits. And staying within them. Popcorn, buckled into giant carts. Hattie is the hard one! It's funny to me!! Got what we needed and shopped for the kids and a friend having a baby. I tried stuff on the kids and they picked. They giggled and ran from me. Freddie helped me get hattie back.

We were so charming in the check out line but freddie still managed to lose one of Freddie's shoes!

With the lovely Valentina!

And just like that, my first child grew up.

Well of course this isn't 100% true...he's still just 3 and needs me in many ways. But he lets go little by little and than suddenly quickly at times! He weaned from breastfeeding and dresses himself (I have always had to fight him in getting him dressed. This is a huge help!!) and he also buckles himself into his car seat completely all the time, now in the past few days!!!! It's so wonderful and amazing, his being my first born forever and that he will always be the one that everything is exciting and nerve-wracking and emotional. Experiences w hattie are typically more laid back because we've  survived them and know it'll all work out for the most part. Plus she is just a more independent daring little kid. 

Speaking of doing things on her own, Hattie and i do our little routine before bed and I always say a little quick prayer w her...but the past few nights I just ask her to repeat me and she does!!!! It's so sweet!!!! She folds her arms by holding one wrist with a circled hand and repeats "fodder," "wucom(welcome, which is thank you for her)" "faye(freddie)" "daddy" "mama" "hattie (pronounces her name very well with hard Ts)" "pees" "gama" "papa" "you you (lulu)" "pops" "gegus christ aman"

Who that's crazy how I did that but it's so crazy cute. 

I love putting my kids to sleep. At times im tired and don't feel like taking the time it takes but I really love it usually and tonight I was especially appriciative of it. I held and kissed and rocked fred in the rocking chair and then stood and held him and sang him my favorite song (Have I Done Any Good in the World Today?) and then lay him down in his bed and he protests and I tell him he has to and then I sit and hold his hand or rub his back and he falls asleep within 10 minutes usually. It's so sweet. I listen and wait and can hear him breathing heavily. 

A little reflection pond dipping of the toes

Dying eggs

They aren't the prettiest but I love them.

Ready for summer