September 30, 2011

being a mom, and happy birthday Joseph!

giving birth is such a crazy experience. it's awesome and empowering and humbling. being a mother is wonderful and also hard. it can feel lonely and cut off and very very tiring. but I look down at him and he's so worth it. I created you, Freddie. We made you and grew you and you are a symbol of our love.

He loves having his hands up by his face. how is he REAL? He's so perfectly beautiful and darling. I love him SO much.

thank you so much to friends, family, my mother, my husband, my good kitties, and God for encouraging me, visiting, giving advice, and listening. 

FYI: During and after breastfeeding...SO THIRSTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even just taking a nap during one of Fred's naps gives me SO much more energy in the day. 
I'm SO happy, and every other emotion all at once. I cry throughout the day because staying home for a couple of weeks now can be quite lonely. But thanks to peeps, once again, for helping me feel normal. 
I can never have enough BURP CLOTHS. 
I love reading to Fred. I know all the pictures are of him sleeping mostly, but lately he's been awake a lot more. His eyes are SO awesome and intense and sometimes I think he's an alien and he's going to take over my body with his MIND. 
Getting your baby circumcised SUCKS because you can hear him cry all the way up in the front waiting area, BUT at least my husband was with him and he calmed down right away and then nursed and then slept, and CS says the doctor did a great job. "It looks really good." ...........guys are so weird.............
We really like our pediatrician. 
We bought and built 2 bookshelves and started getting books into them. Now the crazy boxes living room will begin to shrink (little by little, mind you).

Fred has been sleeping in our bed in between us since birth, mostly out of convenience for feeding in the middle of the night. AND because cuddling with a baby in bed is the best thing ever. But we know it can't last, plus I want to cuddle JUST Collin sometimes, so we're going to start weaning Fred from our bed into his crib next to our bed. Last night he started off there, but ended up with us. We'll get it eventually. Plus I'm going to start going into his room next door to feed him in the middle of the night so that Collin doesn't have to been woken up alllllll night. He doesn't complain about it, but he really needs sleep if he wants to stay sane/be able to go to work!! plus the couch in there will give me way more back support than our bed.

The new show Up all Night is our favorite thing ever.

I'm so excited for General Conference this weekend. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Dear Joseph Alan, Money! You are 13, a teenager, an uncle, A Friend.

September 27, 2011

a guy and his dad

There's nothing better than my husband and my baby. They are both perfect. They are mine forever. Collin is such a good dad. Before he goes to work, he kisses us both a hundred times. It's got to be hard to leave little Frederick, but like so many other good dads, he does it for us. He's so selfless. Having a baby is exhausting, and he helps me and supports me so much. I try to not wake him in the middle of the night so that he can get a little rest, but Fred and I are still getting good at breast feeding and I have to turn on the light or ask Collin for help. He never complains. 

September 23, 2011

these days

We've been, you know, just hanging out at home for 4 days now. It's so wonderful. Collin is taking such good care of us and we just are here. Together. A family. Too bad we can't stay like this forever and Collin has to go back to work on Monday. I think I'll cry and die without him. Who will help me with EVERYTHING? The kitties don't know how to change diapers, and that's pretty much been Collin so far. I know it will be just fine though.

Tonight we all took a shower together, and Frederick basically missed it because he slept through the whole thing! HAHA and he's been sleeping since. What a cutie. Seriously, he is the cutest thing I've ever seen. Ever. We keep being like, "we have a baby!" And we love calling him our son. AW, it's so awesome. His hair is just about my favorite thing ever. And after a shower it's SUPER thick and voluminous and wavy!! What a gorgeous kid.

Me: I'm recovering. Peeing SUCKS. It stings like the dickens, whatever that means. It STINGS.  Walking is getting a little better. I have this awesome "donut" to make sitting easier. coughing or sneezing sucks. But mostly I just lay down and drink out of bendy straws. Bendy straws are the best thing EVER! Besides Collin and Frederick. And Monte and Dot. They have been so good!!

Today we went on a walk around the complex to get some sun. It was great. We ran into a few neighbors, who loved seeing him. AND I got my book in the mail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If These Boobs Could Talk, a little humor to pump up the breast feeding mom. It was recommended to me and I LOVE it. It's so funny and is exactly what I'm going through, hehe.

Grandpa Money
And do you LOVE the pillow? We got it at this awesome salvage boutique we went to Saturday (day before the birth) and it was SO cheap and is hand-stitched!!! I love it. I'll post about that salvage store and the room eventually.

Happy dad.

Uncle AJ!

I have hardly any photos of the 2 of us. And this one's blurry. Oh well. Oh! And I weighed myself and from before the birth to after I lost 30 pounds! HAHA! Awesome. Lots to go though.

These two got busted for fighting.

Collin made these for us!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO INSANE!

sleeping family. Monte was under the bed.

Our walk. Little jungle boy.

Fred and Collin are both sleeping. I'm going to join.

September 21, 2011

Welcome home, little guy!!!!

So my Due Date was September 18th, and because less than 5% of babies actually COME on their due dates, we always made a point to tell people it was "the end of Sept," or just "september," or "haha..but we don't believe in due dates anyway..." but little did we know....

Sunday morning at 8:30am ON THE DOT (Collin's alarm went off for us to get up for church at that EXACT MOMENT), I felt a small pop-ish burst and then gush.

My water broke.

I said, "I think my water just broke!" got up, definitely water and wet! SO excited! we were both like, "WHAT DO WE DO; WHAT DO WE DO?!?" We paged Blossom, and when they called us back, we told them what had happened. I wasn't feeling any surges, so they said to just go about our day, rest, eat a hearty meal, and let them know when things change.

We did all that. But no church that day! We ate, watched a movie, etc. I laid down and couldn't sleep, but hypnobirthed and relaxed. I was worried in the back of my mind that nothing was happening because in AZ they'll induce you if you don't start labor that same day. Collin helped me relax about that. Clearly something would happen within 24 hours, but again, I had no clue what to expect!! I was just experiencing a little cramping, but nothing much.

Well around 2-2:30pm I started feeling surges! They were just a little uncomfortable. Collin timed them and after a little while, we paged Blossom again. Nichelle, our Doc, called us back. She asked if the surges were, "mild or intense." I said I wasn't sure. (HAHA. Naive me, I was SOON to find out how mild they were and how intense they could get! haha!!) She said that this was the point when many women go to the hospital and can labor for quite a while. It was up to us whether we wanted to stay home and labor or come in. We wanted to stay home and be more comfortable, so she said to stop worrying about timing, and that when it was time to come, I'd just KNOW. We laid down and slept. The surges eventually became a little more intense over time. I breathed through them and was doing just fine. My mom had been standing by at her home, and at some point I woke up and texted her and told her to "come now, just in case."

The surges progressed even more (it's so crazy how much is a mystery. I just had to go with the flow and figure it out!) and my mom got there. We had been eating snacks throughout the day, and had another meal and started watching a movie, Miss Potter, about the author of Peter Cotton Tail. haha. I left during it and got in the shower, which felt great. But with the surges and "knowing when to go in" I was like, how? My mom told me the same thing..."you'll know." I realized that if I was doubting at all, it wasn't time yet.

Collin gave me a blessing that everything would go well and that our baby would be born healthy. Soon 6pm I had the first BIG surge and felt like PUSHING!! I announced, "IT IS TIME TO GO RIGHT NOW!!!!" The next few moments were exactly like that scene from I Love Lucy, when it's time to go to the hospital and everyone is running around like NUTS with their heads cut off and Lucy is calmly walking around. Seriously, my mom and Collin were rushing out to the car with the bags and dropping things a hundred times and I just calmly grabbed my wallet and camera and phone and waddled out to the car, hahahah.

We got to the birth center about 20 minutes later because we had to drive slowly. I had a few surges during. None were as intense as at the one one at the house, but I kept thinking, okay, if this baby wants to come in the car, I just have to let it happen. haha.

We got there, Nichelle checked me, and I was COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 100% effaced and 10cm dialated! Then I broke their bed. Seriously, when Nichelle got on with me to check, like 3 slats busted (I didn't fall or anything, it was a bed on the ground. so funny though.)

Nichelle told me it was time to have this baby. I got through some surges while they started filling up tub. I got in, and boy did that water feel GOOD. But....I couldn't get in a good position. And seriously this kid was coming out my butt. I was almost scared to have each surge because it was really getting intense. Collin was in with me, doing everything he could to help, he was amazing. Even took it well when I'd push his hand away or tell him pretty bluntly to do this or not that, hehe.

So then I started learning from and through the surges. At first I would breathe through them and push a little, but I'd breathe IN at the end and the baby would kind of get sucked back up a little, ruining the progress I'd just made! NO! haha. It seemed to be taking a long time. I JUST wanted to crown because I knew that when I felt that ring of fire that it would be over and he'd come out. I was so in my own head. I knew Collin was there, but at one point I opened my eyes and saw Nichelle, Danielle (birth assistant) and my mom. They were all so quiet and it was so calm. They would just encourage me every once in a while. "You're doing great, Nikki." "That's it." And Nichelle would give soft suggestions. It was VERY peaceful even though EVERYTHING was happening at once.  I think I was in the tub for about an hour or a little more, and then I realized....I had to get out. I was almost too much in my element and too comfortable in between contractions, and I knew if I didn't get out I wouldn't push myself enough and this was going to take FOREVER! (Though I did learn SO much and I know I could do it in the tub next time. SO MUCH LEANRING about myself, my body!)

So I told everyone I was getting out and I got on the birth stool. From there I held onto Collin, bore down, BUT breathed through the entire time to get oxygen to the baby. While I'd breathe I COULD FEEL him doing his part!!!!! He was wiggling down the birth path! It was amazing!

About 30 minutes later, at 8:55pm, there was THAT BLESSED RING OF FIRE. It seriously felt amazing to me and I was right, not a minute later I felt everthing spill out....and there was crying. Sweet gentle soft crying, as he was coming out! Nichelle was so soft spoken, "Nicole, reach down and get your baby." I almost was paralyzed because I was in disbelief. She said it again to both of us, and my beautiful husband and I reached down together and brought this absolutely new, perfect, creation with a little red blood on him, to my chest. I think I just said, "" hehehe. Then Collin turned this little one over and told me, "It's a boy." A BOY!!!!! Ahh, it was incredible.

From there, I went to the bed, delivered the placenta, got stitched up (no tears on outside, but his arm was up with his face and his elbow nicked me on the inside on the way out). Nichelle helped me get him latched on to breastfeed. We ate, then my dad, Joseph and AJ came and just saw him. I was pretty busted up and so so tired. Everyone left. It was just the three of us, low lights, in bed. Since it was late, we spent the night there, and did everything else in the morning.

So there you have it.

Frederick Ian Smith
(Fred, Freddie, Fredalicious, Freddie Prinz Jr, (ha!), baby guy: We love you!)
born September 18, 2011 at 8:55pm
7lbs 9oz 21.5inches long

He is amazing. He is ours forever. He is so tiny and perfect and CUTE and sweet and calm and makes the CUTEST noises EVER! He lifted his head on the first day. (not sure if this is normal, but we're proud, hehe.)
The pediatrician gave him a 9/10 and called him perfect.

Breastfeeding is hard, but we're both practicing and getting the hang of it.

I'm so sore and so tired and so deliciously in shock and happy all at once.
We have a family. Can't believe it. Okay, now I gotta get back! It took me three days to type this! hehe
Oh! And the kitties LOVE him! They were kind of shocked at first....Dot went right up and just smelled him all over and Monte stayed back, but is very interested. They both get very alarmed and protective when he cries. Aw! My family!


I for real looked nuts. But hey! I had just pushed a human through my body.

Next few: my point of view:

next morning: (haha definitely a bit of a rough night. but so amazing and sweet at the same time.)

Peed all over his own face so got his first bath. He's peed on everyone in the family, now.

The many hairstyles of Frederick Smith:

 Grandma Money!

At the Peds office:

I look at him and just can't believe it. This is creation. It's amazing. We are so blessed to have him.
Now things are a little rough with the healing and all, but it's all worth it, and Collin has been taking amazing care of me.

I just kept thinking, "So many women do this." It's incredible.