November 27, 2014

Thanksgiving up North!!

This past year there have been millions of things for me to be grateful for. One in particular is the open house and dedication of the Phoenix Temple. It was a very peaceful, spiritual experience for me to go with my little family. It was very quiet and simple but I heard the voice of the spirit testifying specific things to me and comforting me and giving me personal revelation and answers to prayers. Some things I've been struggling with for about 6 months were starting to be addressed and by the dedication I feel they came to a conclusion and that I could move on from them. I was comforted and where there was fear, stress, and concern, I was given confidence, peace and faith.

My husband was with me every step of the way through these struggles. His understanding was beyond my own but he was patient and kind. He considered my feelings and my fear. He didn't take it lightly. He chose language that he thought would help me. He guided me. He pointed out a talk in the dedication that he thought would help me and it did. He knows me and tries to know me. He loves me. I am grateful for his eternal and unconditional love.  

I am grateful for my son and my daughter. They are the center of my world every day and night and minute. They rely on me for so much and so they teach me how to be who I want to be and need to be. 

I'm thankful for my kitty Dot, who is a loyal companion. She calms me and cuddles me. 

Im thankful for my parents and Collin's parents. It's really hard being a parent!!!!! I am so scared of messing these two angels up but our parents support, love, cheer us on, show confidence in our abilities as parents. It is invaluable to me to feel trust from them and feel like I might be doing some things right. And I'm thankful Thor all they did to teach and love Collin and me. 

I am thankful for friends who are my family and for the miracle of being able to keep in touch with so many purple we have met in this life. 

I'm thankful for the gospel of Jesus Christ, for prayer and revelation and for the temple and the prophet. I would feel lost and confused without it and them. 
I'm thankful for God, my Heavenly Father.  He is real and I feel him near when I am humble and thankful, with my husband and children and serving others. 

And I'm thankful for FOOD, glorious food!!  There's more but now it's game and key like pie time!!!!! Babies are sleepin!!

November 23, 2014

Touched me so much in church today

"Experiencing the atonement for ourselves in our lives is a prerequisite for heartfelt service." -Elder Bednar

I have experienced the Atonement. And so now I must go and serve my fellowmen. 

It has been 6 years

It's been 6 years since I woke up next to Collin for the first time. 

There's so much that's happened. We have grown, changed, gotten better and of course, worse, in some ways. It's taken me 6 years to figure a couple things out.
I'm learning to trust more, in a (more)real way. I'm learning to accept the person in the mirror and get on with it. I'm realizing things about life, marriage, children and parenting, existence, death, eternity, time, mortality, and things that don't matter, that MATTER. When I trust, don't stress, enjoy, get on the floor, dance it out, MOVE, live life to the fullest, really pay attention, I am happier. My marriage is happy. I don't feel guilty for wasting even a second with my angels. Any 4 of them (Collin, Frederick, Harriet & Dot.)
Life is such a blessing. It's a time to live, prove, obey, and serve. I'm so happy for the relationships I have. I love the people around me snd people I meet. I love making human connections and holding onto and strengthening those bonds. 

have changed in 6 years. I'm hardly that long, thin, wild, spontaeous thing with a long mess of tangled hate that I never brushed and thought looked good (seriously?? seriously...) I'm different.  But that's life, I think! We have a long way to go!!! Its really beautiful. 
Happy holidays. I love this time of year so much. And happy 6 years, Smith. 

November 17, 2014


I love you, Montgomery. Monte the cat. Montgomery jack-O-lantern gentleman farmer smith. I loved you when I first saw you, among the wires and cables in that little box under the TV. I held you and you were the one. I knew it. You were fluffy and soft and sweet and green-eyed. You were timid but daring. We found you in a small town in West Virginia--the type whose people went all out for Halloween. There was a fair and we saw a giant apple. We bought a vintage fiestaware kettle. You slept on my shoulder all the way home. You did that so many times; we had so many adventures in Rockville, aDC, PA, NJ on the trains, buses, even planes. You were social at our parties and afraid of my friends' toddlers. But I let them pet you anyway. You snuggled and played and chewed things up. You hid pieces to puzzles and games. You loved sleeping in the boggle box. You fared winter and spring and summer and fall with us. We loved HALLOWEEN best.

We packed up and you followed us into a moving truck and across the country. We slept in a tent under the stars, the wind blowing all around us. You became a big brother kitty and kitty to a little boy. This freaked you out!!!!!! But you grew older and more calm and mature. We had another baby, a girl, and this time you knew. You cuddled me every chance you got. You were loyal and soft and let daddy groom you and me cut your nails, even let us bathe you!!!! Remembering that makes me laugh and cry. You loved to look outside, be outside, hunt, explore. Once I saw you jump up and catch a bird in your mouth in mid air!!!! Craziest thing ever. It was awesome. You weren't always super graceful but you could hunt. You could catch critters and crooks. You were a good cat. You were a good companion and good family member. You made us laugh all the time. You are missed. It's painful in the middle of the night when I reach my foot down to the edge of the bed to pet your soft fur. I see something black out of the corner of my eye and my heart wishes so hard that it's you. Dot misses you so much. But I know you've lived a happy life. We will see you again someday!!! Daddy and I will never forget you. Love you, my little halloween kitty. My Monte.