Welcome, Zoey Louise

Here’s the story of the big little surprise and big little entrance into the world of a sweet little gal called Zoey. 

Part way into the pandemic we found out we were expecting another child!!!!!!! We hadn’t planned for this and this big surprise was a BIT of a shock for us!! But here we were…having another child! Fast forward 41 weeks……to March 14, the day after my 38th bday. 

I had been thinning and feeling twinges for days. Mostly at night.

I took Ella to kindergarten that morning . Tried to sleep in the afternoon; Annette was so tired and tantruming but wouldn’t nap. She was screaming and crying, which was very unusual for her. 

1:30/40pm felt an interesting movement. A budge. 

Went pee, then when I got up, water was still trickling out. Was so confused. Must have been my water releasing?!?! I was distracted w annette so I wasn’t sure. 

1:58pm I texted and told Collin I can’t get the kids from school. He had a really busy day with work but when he heard about the water we decided to text Christine.

2:13pm Texted Christine about the water. No surges were happening so we said we would keep in touch. 

I put on movie for annette (Winnie the Pooh) and lay down in bed, listening to hypnobirthing tracks for a couple of hours.

When collin and the kids got home, I was resting. They all went downstairs or outside to play. I had to go to the bathroom, afterward dropped to my hands and knees on the bathroom floor and giant surge. Wanted to get in the tub but couldn’t move. I thought, “I don’t want to do this here.” 

At 4:11pm I texted Christine, “come.” I called for Collin but my voice came out so quiet. Breathed through the surge, somehow reached and turned on the water, not too hot, felt for and found the plug, put it in place and flopped myself into the tub like a seal.

I lay on my side with my right arm and leg over the side of the tub. Collin came upstairs!!!! Yay!!

I told him “more water.” He thought I needed it to drink and I started to leave, “no! Don’t leave me!” I called. He put more water in the tub, got a towel for my face to lay on. Then I asked him to get my phone and play Hypnobirthing affirmations. He did and gave me a blessing. This gave me so much strength. More big surges coming. Collin suggested getting on my hands and knees and I said NO. (Didn’t want to move from that comfy position). But I knew that’s what I needed to do so I did. I tried not to strain or tense at all while leaning to the side of the tub with my hands. Then I started to breathe the head out. Big short breaths and I felt the head coming out. I could feel that it was a big baby. Collin was encouraging me, “the baby’s coming! The baby’s here!” After a lot of hard work through one surge, I felt down and expected to feel a head but it was gone! Back inside! Dang it! Haha! Collin told me later that he had watched the head come all the way out to the mouth and then go back inside!!

Another surge and more deep short breaths. I felt for the head to guide it out and felt it there, a wrinkly point. So intense and then finally the head was out!!!! For good!!! I said, ok go get the kids! Collin sprinted and got them and just as they came up, the body was born. 

The baby swam up to me!! I caught and held the slippery body to me, so purple and sweet. She didn’t make any noise for a second and then let out a cry and gurgle and breathed heavily. She heard my voice and felt herself close to me and got super calm and quiet. Opened her eyes a bit. I turned her over and announced that she was a girl. Fred said, “Aw…but I’m still so happy.” The kids all touched and talked to her. Annette kept touching her cheek and saying, “baby, baby,” over and over. Hattie told me she was so happy she wanted to scream and so she went outside and yelled and yelled for joy. I just sat up in the tub with her in my arms. Christine came in, they helped me to the bed. After pains were coming, I wanted to birth the placenta but also didn’t want to. Phew it was all so intense and hard. 

Finally the placenta came out, and I felt instant relief. She started to nurse and stayed on my chest for a couple of hours. 

Bleeding was normal/minimal, and there was no tearing at all! Christine had prepared me with teaching me about guiding the head out and using calmer, more controlled breathing. The placenta was healthy and good and very big! Ella wanted to cut the cord and Hattie got to help her. They did great. 

My brother, Joseph, came to see the baby and everyone was so excited!

After laying and nursing with me for a while, baby got her vitamin K shot, was weighed and measured…21 inches long and 9.5 pounds!

All the kids are all helpful and so loving to her. They want to hold her and have alone time with her and me. It’s been hard for them to leave and go to school and activities. Collin has been taking care of everything and we are so busy that we barely get time together just us three. But my mom will be coming soon!

Zoey Louise Smith 

Monday March 14, 4:24pm

We both love Zoey so much. It means “life.”

Louise means “warrior,” and Collin felt a strong connection to it.   

After another day, my mom arrived and that was comforting and helpful to me and us in so many ways  

Then Friday….

Christine, our midwife, had been coming every couple days to check up on us as per usual, but Friday my blood pressure was high—really high, and she recommended I go to get checked immediately. 

The kids had played dates scheduled with friends that day and night and so Collin and Zoey and I left together. We first went to urgent care, assuming we would be sent home with an RX. They took my BP, and felt it was serious enough to send me to the ER. We went to St Marks, again, not knowing what would happen, but assuming we would be in and out. They got me right into a bed and the drs and nurses were sort of freaking out. Zoey needed to eat but because of ivs in both arms I couldn’t feed her. My milk had just come in the day before and she had already had a hard time latching on the left breast. I kept asking for a pump so she could be fed, then out of nowhere, they told me I was being transferred to labor and delivery and would be in the hospital for all least 2 days! My heart sunk.  It’s was 9/10pm by now, we were not prepared to be overnight, the kids had arrived home and were upset and scared that we weren’t there when they got home. It was really really hard and I was also scared about my health.

Thank goodness my mom was here with the kids. I finally got a pump and Collin fed Zoey my milk. And finally someone explained to us what was going on and why I had to stay. I had postpartum preeclampsia with very high blood pressure and was high risk for a stroke or seizure. After getting lots of medicine, I didn’t want Collin to leave me but he went home for an hour to grab a few things. He took Zoey with him just in case to keep her safe. That was a hard time to be all along in the hospital late at night. I missed my kids and my newborn and my husband and home. It made me so grateful and so sad for many who have long hospital stays. 

To speed things up, everything turned out the way the drs hoped; I responded well to medications and was able to leave Sunday morning to go home. All the drs and nurses were so kind and loving and informative. I am so grateful for them. The second night my mom stayed with me so Collin could be with the kids. We had a fun time. I continued to pump for Zoey and my mom would feed her. 

We got home Sunday on a rainy day and it felt like it had been forever. I first saw Collin and Ella, home from church and I just held them and cried. Newborn hormones and sleep deprivation from staying in a hospital and all the beeping machines etc is no joke. 

Then the rest of the family got home too. We were so happy to be together and also everyone is showing how hard it’s been on them in different ways. The kids had so many questions. Some were indifferent; some were really hurt and felt I had abandoned them. They were so glad to see baby Zoey too. 

It feels like square one as I am healing from birth and trying to figure out breastfeeding, which is really really hard right now. The kids are pushing boundaries and are doing so well considering. I feel total gratitude for them and for Collin and my mom, who are doing everything they have to do plus what I usually do. Plus being yelled at and acted out on by kiddos figuring out where the boundaries are. 

I’m so grateful for a midwife who came 3 times to check on me in one week, and cares enough to make sure I’m safe and healthy. 

I’m grateful for little Zoey and our journey so far. It’s pretty chaotic and sometimes I don’t know how I’m going to do this. But as I pray, I feel inspired each day on ways to connect to each of my children and husband and how we will get through hard times and how blessed we are to have each other. A big thank you to friends for so much love and support. For meals and diapers and texts and offering to help or visit. 

Now pictures!!

March 13, 41 weeks

little mermaid Zoe, fresh out of the oven

 

 
 

 

 
 
 
  

on the way to the pediatrician

 

 
 

 
 

If you're interested...the birth stories of

Frederick

Harriet

Ella

Annette

May is here

I'm in a really good place as I prepare to give birth in the next few weeks. I feel Heavenly Father has blessed me immensely and that there are no obstacles standing in my way. I can just focus on birth without any distractions or fear or question. I can just focus on an easy comfortable birth full of adventure and intensities and surprises and detours, I'm sure, but safety happiness and wonder, I know.

I have felt strength, support and encouragement from my husband these past few weeks that have become invaluable to my emotional and mental preparation and physical health. 

He has truly sacrificed and supported me through this third pregnancy. We have enjoyed weekly and now daily birth practices and discussions which have brought us close. I happily welcome all the future holds for us. 

I have been attending a weekly prenatal yoga class with a woman named Alicia at Salt Lake prenatal massage and she has contributed so much to helping me reach within myself and say that I'm OK with what I see and feel. I've had the opportunity to contemplate many aspects of myself, made goals, had realizations, while also stretching and relaxing and toning and nurturing my own body and mind. I see strengths and weaknesses. I see a strong woman and also a compassionate nurturer. I need both of these to be mother to Frederick, Harriet and baby. 

Baby. I welcome you. I am ready for you, but I am patient. I don't feel the need for you to come right now. I feel I want to wait until you are ready and it's the time you choose.  My body feels big and also comfortable and quite beautiful! You have made a nice home. There is a loving one waiting for you in this new world. 

One of the women who attended Frederick's birth shared her postpartum story with the world and has opened up a discussion about PPD. I wanted to share my PP story.

I birthed my son in the quiet calm of a birth center. Everything went well, we learned to breastfeed, and I made it through the typical challenges. 

A couple of years later, I had my daughter. I had a healthy pregnancy up until 39 weeks and then had high blood pressure. It never came down and I went all the way to 42 weeks. I was transferred from the birth center to a hospital, was so scared and stressed, but gratefully before I was to be pumped full of scary meds and induced, my daughter came, on her own, without any medication! Then My blood pressure was taken care of. I know to was the right thing for me to go to the hospital and I still had another magical miracle birth and healthy baby. 

We nursed easily. I felt blessed. 

And then we got home. I did not have confidence that I could be a mother of two. I started feeling very guilty that my daughter had the stressful birth she did. It was incredibly hard to take care of a newborn and toddler at once. I felt alone and defeated. I didn't feel like I belonged in the birth center community anymore and because I was transferred to the hospital last minute I had no ties there and I just felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I didn't realize until later how vital the support I got from the birth center after my first birth, was.  I didn't go to any of the moms groups, breastfeeding cafe, etc because I felt I didn't belong. Sometimes I felt grateful and sometimes I felt like a failure. I will never forget the first time I was left alone w both kids. I felt completely incapable. I had a nervous breakdown. 

Eventually things got easier and turned around. (Gradually, over about 6 months.)

One night in Phoenix there was a huge storm and my husband and I lay awake for hours, watching in the dark and talking about everything with the birth. We rehashed everything, what we would do differently and the same and our feelings and reality. It helped a lot to get it all off my chest and feel validated and feel like I wasn't in it alone. 

More stories and info at postpartumconfession.com

Lines

Today we were laying in bed and I was blowing raspberries on Hattie and Fred's tummy. They wanted to on mine too and again asked about my stretch marks. "What are those?" so innocently, honestly. I answered that they are my stretch marks and I love them because they came when I grew Freddie and Hattie in my tummy! We laughed and talked about it more. I told them they started off teeeeny tiny and then grew, and grew and GREW AND GREW AND GREW!!!! "And we POPPED OUT of your tummy!!!" Added Frederick. Hehe!

Yes, I said!!!! So I love them and I love my squish belly and my hips and changed body because they brought me you.