May 13, 2012

Mothers day

It's hard to believe that last mothers day I was this

and now I'm this!

It's hard to describe my feelings of love and gratitude for my son. Being a mom has had its challenges. Sometimes it's hard to not have total freedom or to have to buckle and unbuckle a car seat a million times or change a bazillion kamillion diapers....but all for selfish reasons. And i can think of about a thousand amazing happy blessings ive received. And so many simple little things: his smile, his accomplishments, his crazy faces and reactions. Those eyebrows. "mama." His eyes when he eats: sometimes so determined and serious, sometimes playful and super silly, sometimes rolled up and half closed from milk bliss or sleepiness. I love watching Collin with him. Man, I love Collin. I'm not going to lie...having a kid can be strenuous on a relationship...mainly from lack of sleep crankiness plus crazy hormones going nuts and feelings of inadequacy or self consciousness from having an after birth body.... But for real it has also brought us closer together in every way possible through patience, forgiveness (from him! Ha!) and working hard to work together.
In fact every challenge has made me a better person, mother, wife (um, but I'm still messing up and still working on things everyday).
Sometimes I get down because I've felt more isolated or friendless or old or whatever, but then I wake up and slap myself and am so grateful for everyday.
I didn't write much about it, but Collin was laid off last November. It has been a very trying time for us...financially, physically, emotionally, and every other type of "ally," but has also been one of the best times of my life! I've been able to spend everyday with my best friend. We have had many great adventures! And I have had so much help with Frederick...seriously, I'm so spoiled. Collin is so helpful, loving and hard working in every way.
Well after 6 months of prayer, fasting, and Collin working his butt off to get another job (depths of humility, my friend), we were blessed and he got a job this past week. He starts today. It's so sweet and a tiny bit bitter as we have prayed about this so hard and feel so so right, but it will be hard adjusting to having him gone all the time again. I hope I don't get too lonely!!! (but I'm so thankful so I only want to focus on the positive and I know everything will be just fine!)
Anyway, life is crazy but the craziness is necessary. Everything I experience helps me grow. I'm so happy to be married to Collin Smith and be mother to Frederick. I love my two kitties, Montgomery and Dot. I'm thankful for my own mother, such a strong beautiful totally giving person. I hope I can be like her some day.
I got spoiled on mothers day at home and at church! In our ward, the young women took over primary (and Collin played piano for singing time) so that all the women could go to Relief Society (yahoo, my favorite thing of all time!) We had a short lesson, then went to the gym where the men had prepared a brunch for us! We also all got roses. It was so sweet and thoughtful. They had set up a ton of chairs for us too and said they know we love to"visit." hehe.
I got to spend time with my own mother, too. I love her.
Best Mother's Day ever!!!!


  1. what?! i want a brunch! lucky. :)

  2. What an incredible transition. Great post. I love you. Seeing your writings like this makes me wish we were nearby so we could go to the park and talk and talk while our babies play and relax.

    The brunch idea is THE GREATEST!!!! I am definitely suggesting that in every ward I go to from now on. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!