Wednesday, August 07, 2019
beautiful maternity photos by Jayna Hedges
Life now
This is my life right now. And I’m just really grateful and happy. I get how quickly this girl is going to grow. I get that I need to cherish her and this time. I’ve seen it happen. I keep asking how I’m going to remember this. Forge it into my memory—her small perfect head, her smells, her noises, every thought and feeling...you forget. I’ve forgotten so much from the other kids. I get to vividly remember them, watching her stretch and breathe and nurse and fuss and try to poop. But I know that with time, it will be hard to remember almost anything from this time. I know now that I probably won’t even remember writing this post. So I’m trying to soak it all in. I’m staying in bed and reading and sleeping and nursing and changing diapers...not fun after having 3 kids potty trained and not being used to doing it all the time!!!!
Also nursing has been challenging for us both. Pain, cracks and bleeding, frustration, gas because of gulping so much air, up all night, crying for 30+ minutes, not knowing what to do... But today has been a little easier and I think it’ll all be ok. There have been dark and lonely moments in the mid-night when my worries take over. But during the day when it’s crazy and loud (Fred hat and ella dance party and fashion show for us), or quiet (they are all at the library), or when we put on a movie and collin and I get to connect for a few moments together) I feel bright and happy and hopeful and grateful. Grateful she’s mine. (I HAVE THREE DAUGHTERS!!!!! AND ONE SON!!!!! What?!?? 😂🥰😄🥰😂😄).
Today Hattie said that Annette is the queen. And I thought about how they all three are such queens. Me too. And Fred and collin are total bosses too. Hahahahaha. A house of bosses and royalty we all think. Oh boy. The drama that will ensue!!!!! Hahaha. I love my life. I love my husband. Even though we are CONSTANTLY butting heads and arguing for 10 years!!! We are also filled with a passion for each other that is bigger than the universe. When we click, we click. He has been taking care of everything with the house and kids. EVERYTHING. And has been feeding me delicious soft, nutritious, warm soups, stews, bowls. Taking care of me. And we get frustrated and then try to work through it over a cup of tea every night. Or just watch SYTYCD. 💖
Alright. Nap time.
And some pictures including Annie’s first car ride!! To the pediatrician! All went well and the dr called her perfect.
Also....that dance party fashion show....
Sunday, August 04, 2019
Introducing Annette Jolie Smith, a fierce lovely lady, and her equally fierce entrance into the world
This story begins as any story might begin....with a 41-week pregnant woman, shifting and rolling to get herself up out of bed in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom once again.
I had just gotten back into bed, laid my head down, ready to fall instantly back to sleep, when I heard a familiar sound of little footsteps up the stairs, coming down the hallway, and saw a little blonde head, shining in the moonlight crossing the room over to my side of the bed. Ella comes into our room a handful of nights a week and USUALLY these days just crawls in bed with us, undetected, and sleeps soundly till morning. This was NOT one of those nights. This was a night when a 3 year old was HANGRY. She asked me to get her food. "I will in the morning. It's the middle of the night," I replied. She didn't like that and when Ella doesn't like something, she lets you know. She began an epic tantrum that lasted over an hour, which, mixed with surges that were getting stronger and stronger, turned into one exciting entrance for our new baby into the world.
I got up again to go to the bathroom, feeling a little pressure and some mild surges. I didn't think much of it because one week before, I had been woken up at night by surges that grew so intense that I thought I was going to have the baby. Let me preface this with saying how different it is for me to experience this before active labor begins. In my first 2 pregnancies I felt tightenings here and there that felt like the early progression that can last weeks, but were never painful for me. And my 3rd pregnancy I was feeling these not-painful-tightenings from about 20 weeks on. In my past experiences labor never got intense or felt real UNTIL the point of transition and needing to bear down and breathe while my body and the baby worked together to bring the baby out. The point where, undeniably, “it was time.” So one week prior, I was laying in bed, feeling tightenings and surging that were getting more and more intense. Unfortunately I was giving in to fears more and more. I started getting so fearful that I was physically shaking. I was up for most of the night this way, waking Collin throughout the night. But it never got to a point where I thought I should call Christine, our wonderful midwife. I did text her and let her know what had been happening and she said she was on stand by, and would be here if I needed her. Collin and I were both convinced it would be happening very soon. The next morning he had a meeting and had to leave for just an hour or two but blew up the birth tub and turned on comfort zone (hypnobirthing musician playlist) in the living room. I laid on the blue couch in and out of sleep and the kids played nicely and quietly while the music played on repeat all day long. There was no further noticeable or uncomfortable progression at that point (though I’m sure I had actually and was still progressing a great deal.) Looking back, I am grateful I had this experience and another week of being pregnant to really push me to get through my fears and be very willing to give birth.
So fast-forward a week as I knelt over the foot of the bed to do some breathing. Ella had calmed down and left the room and brought me some books including one about a home birth where the family is all there together. She was showing me pictures and talking to me about it. I got on the birth ball and kept breathing. Then I got back in bed and turned on Rainbow Relaxation from Hypnobirthing. I was relaxing but Ella started getting upset again and started pushing against my back. I asked Collin to take her out at that point because I couldn't handle it right now. He did and I heard her screaming at him downstairs. I ended up falling asleep and know this helped me progress a great deal. I got up after 30 minutes to go to the bathroom again. At some point I got into the shower, which felt good on my back. The surges were coming stronger now, and Collin suggested calling Christine. This was 5:10am. She lived 30 minutes away, in SLC, and was pregnant herself, so I didn't want to bring her over if it wasn't the real deal but knew Collin was right that I should at least call. I was on the toilet at this point. Christine answered; I assured her that I didn't necessarily need her yet, but wasn't sure. She said she would get dressed and be ready for me if I needed her to come. 5 minutes later (5:15am) she texted that she was going to come over to check on how I was progressing just in case. The surges were enough for me to reply, "that would be good." I called Collin in who had been downstairs and in and out of the room helping Ella and could only point to my phone. I was listening to the Hypnobirthing affirmations, and heard, "each surge brings my baby closer to me." I nodded and said aloud, “yes,” and decided that I had no fears. I was ready.
There were little signs with birthing affirmations and positive, encouraging words hanging all over the house. My dear friends had made them for me at a blessing way just weeks before. I had my birthing bracelet on too. It has beautiful and unique beads on it, given by and representing strong women and mothers in my life. I felt their strength surrounding me as Collin started setting up the birthing pool (blowing it up and filling up the water.) STILL at this point I wasn't positive that the baby was really coming, haha! The pressure was getting more intense though. I wanted to lay down, but kept having to pee and didn't want to pee anywhere in the house!! I noticed how slowly the water was filling up in the birthing pool.
I went into our bedroom and laid on our bed on my side. Collin came in, and I could barely speak to ask him to hold up my top leg because I was feeling so tired. He did, then came a BIG BEARING DOWN SURGE. I breathed through it with all my might and my waters BURST on the bed. There was no longer any denial from me and I immediately got up and said, get me in the water! The birth pool at this point was only filled to about 5-6 inches of scalding hot water so...plan B...get me in the shower! I said, "get Fred!" who was downstairs sleeping in his bed and had been begging me every night to not forget to wake him in case this baby came at night. Ella was with me, being so good and so quiet--just excited! Fred came in and was so excited. He woke Hattie up from sleeping on the floor in our room and she happily joined us. They couldn't believe it was finally happening! Collin turned on warm water in the shower, which felt better than I hoped for, and kneeling forward with my hands against the back of the shower I experienced one VERY long very intense surge. I breathed through it again and again, just trying to stay as relaxed as possible and stay out of the way of my strong birthing body and strong brave baby. I reached down and felt the head emerging, as I have done with all of the babes. I thought her head would come with this surge and then I'd have a rest, but nope! Her head and body were all born at once. I caught her slippery body myself and held her to me. Hallelujah! It was over.
5:35am.
Collin, Fred, Hattie, Ella, baby and me.
She immediately cried, then when I started to talk to her she got so calm and quiet, recognizing my voice, that Collin worried something was wrong. She was completely fine. Her eyes were closed because the bright lights were on. Fred dimmed them. We were all so happy.
Collin and Fred announced, “its a girl!” The girls rejoiced! Fred had wanted a brother, but was SO HAPPY. He kept exclaiming how cute she is, and wanted to see her eyes. I heard him run into the hallway, yelling, "yes!!!!!! she's so cute! I can't believe it!" He and hattie were talking to each other about how amazing it was and Hattie said, "It wasn't when I expected at all!!" Their excitement and giant smiles melts my heart so much.
While I was holding her, sitting back in the shower, she immediately began to nurse, and did so for about 2 hours straight before falling asleep for the next 4 hours. She had worked hard!!
I transferred to our bed, and Christine arrived. She was so happy for us and proud of me. I was able to do what I did with her help and preparation and complete confidence in me. I love her with my whole heart.
When Collin held baby girl for the first time, she promptly pooped on him, a tradition for each of the kids. The placenta was delivered, looked beautiful and healthy, and after a good long time, Hattie cut the cord in one cut.
These were within the week before her birth...
Our last appointment at 40.5 weeks
And then she was here...
I had just gotten back into bed, laid my head down, ready to fall instantly back to sleep, when I heard a familiar sound of little footsteps up the stairs, coming down the hallway, and saw a little blonde head, shining in the moonlight crossing the room over to my side of the bed. Ella comes into our room a handful of nights a week and USUALLY these days just crawls in bed with us, undetected, and sleeps soundly till morning. This was NOT one of those nights. This was a night when a 3 year old was HANGRY. She asked me to get her food. "I will in the morning. It's the middle of the night," I replied. She didn't like that and when Ella doesn't like something, she lets you know. She began an epic tantrum that lasted over an hour, which, mixed with surges that were getting stronger and stronger, turned into one exciting entrance for our new baby into the world.
I got up again to go to the bathroom, feeling a little pressure and some mild surges. I didn't think much of it because one week before, I had been woken up at night by surges that grew so intense that I thought I was going to have the baby. Let me preface this with saying how different it is for me to experience this before active labor begins. In my first 2 pregnancies I felt tightenings here and there that felt like the early progression that can last weeks, but were never painful for me. And my 3rd pregnancy I was feeling these not-painful-tightenings from about 20 weeks on. In my past experiences labor never got intense or felt real UNTIL the point of transition and needing to bear down and breathe while my body and the baby worked together to bring the baby out. The point where, undeniably, “it was time.” So one week prior, I was laying in bed, feeling tightenings and surging that were getting more and more intense. Unfortunately I was giving in to fears more and more. I started getting so fearful that I was physically shaking. I was up for most of the night this way, waking Collin throughout the night. But it never got to a point where I thought I should call Christine, our wonderful midwife. I did text her and let her know what had been happening and she said she was on stand by, and would be here if I needed her. Collin and I were both convinced it would be happening very soon. The next morning he had a meeting and had to leave for just an hour or two but blew up the birth tub and turned on comfort zone (hypnobirthing musician playlist) in the living room. I laid on the blue couch in and out of sleep and the kids played nicely and quietly while the music played on repeat all day long. There was no further noticeable or uncomfortable progression at that point (though I’m sure I had actually and was still progressing a great deal.) Looking back, I am grateful I had this experience and another week of being pregnant to really push me to get through my fears and be very willing to give birth.
So fast-forward a week as I knelt over the foot of the bed to do some breathing. Ella had calmed down and left the room and brought me some books including one about a home birth where the family is all there together. She was showing me pictures and talking to me about it. I got on the birth ball and kept breathing. Then I got back in bed and turned on Rainbow Relaxation from Hypnobirthing. I was relaxing but Ella started getting upset again and started pushing against my back. I asked Collin to take her out at that point because I couldn't handle it right now. He did and I heard her screaming at him downstairs. I ended up falling asleep and know this helped me progress a great deal. I got up after 30 minutes to go to the bathroom again. At some point I got into the shower, which felt good on my back. The surges were coming stronger now, and Collin suggested calling Christine. This was 5:10am. She lived 30 minutes away, in SLC, and was pregnant herself, so I didn't want to bring her over if it wasn't the real deal but knew Collin was right that I should at least call. I was on the toilet at this point. Christine answered; I assured her that I didn't necessarily need her yet, but wasn't sure. She said she would get dressed and be ready for me if I needed her to come. 5 minutes later (5:15am) she texted that she was going to come over to check on how I was progressing just in case. The surges were enough for me to reply, "that would be good." I called Collin in who had been downstairs and in and out of the room helping Ella and could only point to my phone. I was listening to the Hypnobirthing affirmations, and heard, "each surge brings my baby closer to me." I nodded and said aloud, “yes,” and decided that I had no fears. I was ready.
There were little signs with birthing affirmations and positive, encouraging words hanging all over the house. My dear friends had made them for me at a blessing way just weeks before. I had my birthing bracelet on too. It has beautiful and unique beads on it, given by and representing strong women and mothers in my life. I felt their strength surrounding me as Collin started setting up the birthing pool (blowing it up and filling up the water.) STILL at this point I wasn't positive that the baby was really coming, haha! The pressure was getting more intense though. I wanted to lay down, but kept having to pee and didn't want to pee anywhere in the house!! I noticed how slowly the water was filling up in the birthing pool.
I went into our bedroom and laid on our bed on my side. Collin came in, and I could barely speak to ask him to hold up my top leg because I was feeling so tired. He did, then came a BIG BEARING DOWN SURGE. I breathed through it with all my might and my waters BURST on the bed. There was no longer any denial from me and I immediately got up and said, get me in the water! The birth pool at this point was only filled to about 5-6 inches of scalding hot water so...plan B...get me in the shower! I said, "get Fred!" who was downstairs sleeping in his bed and had been begging me every night to not forget to wake him in case this baby came at night. Ella was with me, being so good and so quiet--just excited! Fred came in and was so excited. He woke Hattie up from sleeping on the floor in our room and she happily joined us. They couldn't believe it was finally happening! Collin turned on warm water in the shower, which felt better than I hoped for, and kneeling forward with my hands against the back of the shower I experienced one VERY long very intense surge. I breathed through it again and again, just trying to stay as relaxed as possible and stay out of the way of my strong birthing body and strong brave baby. I reached down and felt the head emerging, as I have done with all of the babes. I thought her head would come with this surge and then I'd have a rest, but nope! Her head and body were all born at once. I caught her slippery body myself and held her to me. Hallelujah! It was over.
5:35am.
Collin, Fred, Hattie, Ella, baby and me.
She immediately cried, then when I started to talk to her she got so calm and quiet, recognizing my voice, that Collin worried something was wrong. She was completely fine. Her eyes were closed because the bright lights were on. Fred dimmed them. We were all so happy.
Collin and Fred announced, “its a girl!” The girls rejoiced! Fred had wanted a brother, but was SO HAPPY. He kept exclaiming how cute she is, and wanted to see her eyes. I heard him run into the hallway, yelling, "yes!!!!!! she's so cute! I can't believe it!" He and hattie were talking to each other about how amazing it was and Hattie said, "It wasn't when I expected at all!!" Their excitement and giant smiles melts my heart so much.
While I was holding her, sitting back in the shower, she immediately began to nurse, and did so for about 2 hours straight before falling asleep for the next 4 hours. She had worked hard!!
I transferred to our bed, and Christine arrived. She was so happy for us and proud of me. I was able to do what I did with her help and preparation and complete confidence in me. I love her with my whole heart.
When Collin held baby girl for the first time, she promptly pooped on him, a tradition for each of the kids. The placenta was delivered, looked beautiful and healthy, and after a good long time, Hattie cut the cord in one cut.
We snuggled in, cozy and warm together for a while and then the baby and I were each examined, cleaned up, and passed off, readied to nestle in for the next many weeks together figuring out life and a brand new family of 6. Our kitty, Dot, came and met her and made sure to stay on the bed, protecting us.
The other 3 adore their sister. They love her and each want to hold her all the time. They are learning to be more careful and gentle; we all have big emotions that go up and down and are all doing our best to be patient with each other. Collin has been holding down the fort, caring for the kids and for me. We've had friends and family come by to talk, visit, clean, give love and support, feed us...we feel so blessed and so grateful for everyone and especially beautiful sweet Annette's and my health and safety. She makes the CUTEST sweetest funniest noises all the time. She's very expressive and even laughs at her own jokes. We love her very much.
Annette Jolie Smith
August 2, 2019
5:35am
8lbs 8oz
21 inches long
wavy light brown hair
grey eyes
adorable little ears
chubby cheeks and double chins
beautiful eyes and nose and mouth
PICTURES:
The other 3 adore their sister. They love her and each want to hold her all the time. They are learning to be more careful and gentle; we all have big emotions that go up and down and are all doing our best to be patient with each other. Collin has been holding down the fort, caring for the kids and for me. We've had friends and family come by to talk, visit, clean, give love and support, feed us...we feel so blessed and so grateful for everyone and especially beautiful sweet Annette's and my health and safety. She makes the CUTEST sweetest funniest noises all the time. She's very expressive and even laughs at her own jokes. We love her very much.
Annette Jolie Smith
August 2, 2019
5:35am
8lbs 8oz
21 inches long
wavy light brown hair
grey eyes
adorable little ears
chubby cheeks and double chins
beautiful eyes and nose and mouth
PICTURES:
Maternity photos with the amazing Jayna Hedges
These were within the week before her birth...
Our last appointment at 40.5 weeks
And then she was here...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)