Life now

This is my life right now. And I’m just really grateful and happy. I get how quickly this girl is going to grow. I get that I need to cherish her and this time. I’ve seen it happen. I keep asking how I’m going to remember this. Forge it into my memory—her small perfect head, her smells, her noises, every thought and feeling...you forget. I’ve forgotten so much from the other kids. I get to vividly remember them, watching her stretch and breathe and nurse and fuss and try to poop. But I know that with time, it will be hard to remember almost anything from this time. I know now that I probably won’t even remember writing this post. So I’m trying to soak it all in. I’m staying in bed and reading and sleeping and nursing and changing diapers...not fun after having 3 kids potty trained and not being used to doing it all the time!!!! 

Also nursing has been challenging for us both. Pain, cracks and bleeding, frustration, gas because of gulping so much air, up all night, crying for 30+ minutes, not knowing what to do... But today has been a little easier and I think it’ll all be ok. There have been dark and lonely moments in the mid-night when my worries take over. But during the day when it’s crazy and loud (Fred hat and ella dance party and fashion show for us), or quiet (they are all at the library), or when we put on a movie and collin and I get to connect for a few moments together) I feel bright and happy and hopeful and grateful. Grateful she’s mine. (I HAVE THREE DAUGHTERS!!!!! AND ONE SON!!!!! What?!?? 😂🥰😄🥰😂😄). 

Today Hattie said that Annette is the queen. And I thought about how they all three are such queens. Me too. And Fred and collin are total bosses too. Hahahahaha. A house of bosses and royalty we all think. Oh boy. The drama that will ensue!!!!! Hahaha. I love my life. I love my husband. Even though  we are CONSTANTLY butting heads and arguing for 10 years!!! We are also filled with a passion for each other that is bigger than the universe. When we click, we click. He has been taking care of everything with the house and kids. EVERYTHING. And has been feeding me delicious soft, nutritious, warm soups, stews, bowls. Taking care of me. And we get frustrated and then try to work through it over a cup of tea every night. Or just watch SYTYCD. 💖 

Alright. Nap time. 

And some pictures including Annie’s first car ride!! To the pediatrician! All went well and the dr called her perfect. 

Also....that dance party fashion show....