July 10, 2012

If its not broken don't fix it.

We have co-slept since Frederick's birth and for me and all of us that has been how we have gotten the most sleep and have felt the safest. Just recently we have really made up the nursery and I started thinking that maybe it was time to have him sleep in his own bed. He naps in there but not through the night. It would be hard but we would try to have him sleep there. We'd (I'd) be consistent and after a while it (im not sure what exactly) would work. The problem: he still eats at night (and neither of us are interested in weaning any time soon). So he has to wake fully and cry hard to wake me (I would wake in seconds), completely out of it, stumble into his room and either nurse him there and fall asleep resulting in a hurt back and me not in my bed, which defeats the purpose, or I brought him in our bed. Either way he and I got very little sleep. And Collin too because I'd complain to him. A week and a half of no sleep and we both have gotten really cranky and I've been feeling some depression. I felt all wrong. I started over thinking everything and feeling very alone in every way. Then last night I went to a la leche league meeting and got some good advice. Nichelle, my doctor who delivered him, the lll leader, and several experienced moms asked, if it isn't broken why was i trying to fix it? If we all got plenty of sleep before, I had lots of energy, Fred was confident, growing and happy, i got along better with Collin because I wasn't passive-aggressively mad at him for being able to sleep through most anything, why was I trying to change things??? I realized I wasn't ready to stop co sleeping yet. And he definitely isn't. He is going through major separation anxiety right now. Only wants me. And instead of trying to get away from it I want to embrace it! Soon enough he will be older and excited about his own room and independence. He is majorly teething and growing like crazy. And he is eating all the time-not because he isn't getting enough but because he is working on major motor skills (he walked 3 steps in a row yesterday) and using every muscle all the time and is trying to get my milk supply up!
It is amazing to get some clarity and remember that I'm doing these things because they work for me and my family. I love support groups!

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