While pregnant with Frederick (then known as Skittlecore)** I was able to focus on just taking care of myself. I got nauseous but not so badly. When I was exhausted I could just go to sleep. I did yoga every day and swam every day and ate 100 grams of protein every day. I loved being pregnant. I felt awesome and beautiful.
With Harriet (bean, Kittypuppy)** I had a real life nursing toddler to run around and chase. I wanted to just fast forwarded to December. I didn't do yoga hardly at all but I did exercise a ton. I was super depressed during that pregnancy. I literally was thinking at one point, if I died today no one would care. I would bawl and expect my husband or someone to figure it all out but you have to talk to people about this stuff and can't just expect them to know. I've never felt the feeling of "get this baby out now!" at the ends of my pregnancies. In fact I'm more like, I want the baby to stay in as long as he or she needs!!! Yet 42 weeks to the day was a roller coaster ride. But she came, healthily and perfectly and with no drugs like I wanted but in a hospital like I didn't expect. We had some emotional issues with the whole birth experience (with one of my midwives at the birth center) starting at 32 weeks and it just got worse. And that was the midwife I ended up with at the birth.
So this time we are doing things differently. Im going to have my baby (Bunnie, PandaApple)** at our home. We interviewed a bunch of midwives and chose the person we felt best about. We feel she is experienced and will guide us but I know I can birth a health human and I know if there are problems you just go to the hospital. And I need someone to just trust me and listen and back off and let me birth my baby.
I'm still nursing a real life energetic, growing, full of attitude and Disney Princess loving toddler. Plus I have this sweet, sensitive 4 year old who is really changing and starting to figure out so much more of life.
I've been so sick. Sort of constant. It sucks. It's not as bad as many people have it. But it's no fun and makes me stay at home a lot, which is hard for me and for my kids. We like to get out. I'm just barely starting to exercise again because I was feeling so crumby. I feel like I needed to eat something to make me feel better but then I feel sick as worse. And I love food so that's sad!!!!
Pregnancy is not glamorous or super ultra spiritual or goddess like for me. But at the same time for some reason (probably a mixture of the Jade Bealle Photography Instagram (https://instagram.com/jadebeallphotography/) and some books I'm reading, and feeling so deeply and physically connected to my husband right now), I am starting to love my body. I love my belly and my millions and billions of stretch marks (all from my first pregnancy. I didn't get a one from my second and haven't had any so far this time either:), and I even appreciate my flab and my skin. It's weird but I see it as beautiful because of the purpose it has served. It's still hard when I'm feeling yucky and see others with perfect bodies, knowing even when I'm working out so hard I'll never look like that. But who cares. I've just got to (try to) be happy with myself for myself and for my children. Ok. And this pregnancy I'm pampering myself more. Once a month in getting a prenatal massage (coming up this Saturday, yessss!!!), manicure/ped, Aveda haircut (second best thing to Jayna 😭😭), facial, etc. I try to get ready and go my makeup more because I feel better. and I go to a PN yoga class once a week and do it at home w my crazy kids climbing all over me most days. And Collin and I are trying to go on dates and find time to talk. We put our phones away after the kids go to sleep and try to not watch much tv either. It's more important to talk and spend time together. We had to change this recently. Or we might have murdered each other. Really.
I'm very grateful to be able to have children and to nurse pretty easily and to love being a mom and so so grateful I get to stay home with them. This is my choice and I love it. Ok my hand is forming into a claw from holding and typing on my phone and it's late. So, until next time, blog of mine! THanks to my dear friends and family from Florida and Phoenix and GA who call and text and love me. I miss you and think of you. It's hard transitioning and moving and making new friends!!!! I just want you!!!!!!!! But we are starting to make some friends. The kids too. And because Collin is amazing and should be a professional designer, our home is beautiful and comfortable and life is awesome. So I can't complain. But I do. ;) then I pray and repent. :) :) bye.
**Ok so when we were first married, surprisingly quite a few people would ask us when we were having kids, how many we wanted, names we were thinking of---seriously. I'm not talking about close friends and talking intimately. Just random people in random situations. So weird. We hadn't ever thought about it and I don't remember that list from when I was young and wrote down all the names of my future kids 😂😂. So we got creative.
4. Chuckhorse. To quote Juli Waldeck King, "Poor little Chuckhorse." Hahahahha people would give us weird reactions and we thought we were awesome and hilarious.
So Skittlecore started a-growin' and we referred to him as just that the whole pregnancy. Some people really thought that was the name.....haha.
Then Kittypuppy was living in my belly and though that was her original name, at the first ultra sound she was jumping around like a dancing bean. Seriously craziest and funniest thing ever. Would not stay still and was bouncing all over. So she was referred to as Bean during my pregnancy.
And PandaApple, well we got a little picture of the ultra sound and at 8 weeks that little honey looked like a small rabbit. A Bunnie. So there you have it.