March 27, 2016

Lost and found

Weakness
Fear
Insecurity
Insecurities
Doubt
Sadness
Loneliness
Mistakes
Avoidance
Contention
Confrontation
Lies
Jealousy
Judgement
Embarrassment
Anger
Blame
Misunderstanding
Ignorance

These are among the many things I have or do or will struggle with in some big or small way or another in my life. The Atonement of Jesus Christ allows for healing, recognition, enlightenment, repentance and change. 

Freddie and I laid in his bed, speaking of the story of Jesus Christ last night. It's a lot for a little one to understand, so we keep it simple, but he voiced some of his concerns and fears to me and I did my best to listen and comfort and counsel him. It's hard when I myself have fears and am a little child, too, when it comes to knowledge and understanding in the great scheme of things. My finite mind does not comprehend the full magnitude or meaning of the atonement. Yet I as I couldn't sleep tonight, I read much of the story of Christ's last few days as a mortal man on this earth and found insights and comforts to certain and very specific issues and questions I have right now. 

That is a miracle to me-that though the atonement and resurrection are so big and so massively hard to comprehend to my small and inexperienced brain, I do have experience with it. It answers and corrects and connects even the seemingly smallest of things that are troubling me...that are of great emotion and fear to me. God loves me on a level I can't understand right now. He somehow knows me personally. He somehow hears and answers and guides me through every prayer and wish and doubt and need. And somehow Jesus Christ has felt every single sorrow and deep pain and loneliness of my heart. He is real. They are real, I know for sure. And all I can think to do is to learn of them, try to draw closer to them through obedience, which can be a daily struggle and success, to try my best to teach my children where to look for a remission of their sins, and to forgive and ask forgiveness of my partner each day. These things do not all come easily or naturally to me. But I feel I can do better with the knowledge I gain from gospel study and worship of God and the support I feel from the Savior. 

Happy Easter, today. I have found peace tonight and life, though somtimes seemingly dark, is bright and beautiful. 













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