No matter how tightly I hold her hand on our way to her last day of preschool, it won't change the fact that when Harriet Jillian comes back out of school today she will be a KINDERGARTENER. IM HAPPY that's she's happy and learning and growing but sobbing because it's so so hard to think of her growing up so fast.
I asked her if she wanted to do anything special for her teacher for the last day of school and she knew exactly what she wanted to do. She made Ms Heather a very thoughtful card and picture thanking her for being such a great teacher and loving her, picked some basil from our garden and tied a bow around it, and made her some oatmeal cookies (with my help of course.)  She has grown up and learned so much this year and I know she’s ready to start kindergarten this fall.

 You would think that it would get easier having gone through this with Fred already, but it’s almost gotten harder because I know what’s coming! I know it’s hard to have them gone every day and then in first grade all day every day. I know they grow up fast and they go through so much; there’s so much adjustment; there are good times and also hard times. I am grateful for the opportunity to go to the Waldorf school and school in general. I know that it’s the right thing for all of us. It’s just really hard seeing my babies grow up. They need me less in the familiar ways and more in other ways. But I know that it is God’s plan for them and that he is with them and will protect them. I’m doing everything I can to teach and love them and I will never stop being here for them.

I’m so proud and grateful for each of my beautiful children. I’m also grateful for the two people who were there when I took my first breath, my mother and father. Parenting is hard and wonderful and joyful and hard and scary and rewarding and challenging and strengthening and empowering and  confusing and fun. And hard. It’s hard seeing them go through things even when I know it’s important that they do I’m appreciative of all my parents have done for me.

And then i realized that this is the LAST DAY I have with just Ella and me. After todayHattie will be home, then Fred and when school starts again it'll be the baby and Ella and me!!! We've come on a date to honeysuckle coffee shop. I’m drinking a giant pot of hibiscus berry tea.

“It’s raining it’s pouring the old man is snoring. He bonked him head and went to bed and closed him eyes.” —Ella Claire

Harriet's last day of Preschool, 2018!

Freddie started school

Frederick, my first born child, my baby, my son, my reason, growing up so fast, started preschool this week. It was such a big moment for our family. He's 4.5+. He turns 5 this month in two weeks. I'm so glad I had him home with me for as long as I did and that we have shared and experienced so much together. He's has been healthily attached to me and I to him. And this is just another step in letting go. I love him so much. We all rallied around him, preparing, and Collin ans I buying supplies, worrying and planning, all so he won't have to. All so he can feel secure and confident and just go and be a child at school. 

Though I have had tears through the preparation, when the time came to walk him to his new classroom, the Meadowlarks, and leave him with his loving teacher, Ms Atara, (with extra shoes, extra outfits, a vegetable he chose (broccoli) for the class soup, some acorns Freddie and I gathered to share with the class, and rain gear just in case), I had no tears. I knew he was ready. (Though I get emotional about it now!😊)

He had been excited all morning and ran into the front door of the school, me trailing behind. He had slept 12 hours the night before and had an awesome breakfast and lunch. He was happy and ready. He sat right down at a table and started rolling out some playdough. I knelt down and said goodbye and he kissed me right on the lips and said, "bye mom." With a thankful swollen heart, I was able to walk away and back to the car where my mom was waiting with Harriet and Ella. Hattie did not have an easy time. She was quite emotional Tuesday and again today. She didn't want Fred to go or wanted to go with him. She wants to go to preschool. I am going to try my hardest to make this a special time for Ella and her and I. We are going shoe shopping today! 

And she has been telling us all about her preschool at her home and that we can all visit it tonight. 

Today when we were walking from the park to his school, Hattie was getting very sad and Fred put his arm around her and said, "I'm so sorry Hattie. I have to go. I'll miss you." 

When I picked Freddie up after his first day, I have never seen him so happy, balanced, well. I'm so happy too. 

So far in this new home it has been a simple life. Things are still chaos inside with boxes everywhere and not knowing where the broom is or finding time to do dishes. When Collin gets back we will work together and find a rhythm. But life feels quiet out here in the trees and mountains. It feels calm and like there is plenty of time to do and be and rest. 

Heavenly Father knows me and loves me.