June 10, 2016


Ward picnic at the Spruces in Big Cottonwood Canyon this evening!
The scenery was so beautiful. We were right in the middle of the trees. We hardly saw Freddie or Hattie as they disappeared into the woods with all the other kids right away; Ella had her big debut and got passed around and admired. She was brought back to me several times for nursing and then scooped up by someone else. I loved seeing friends I hadn't seen in weeks and visiting with other women and getting to share how I'm feeling and doing with others who understand. 
I feel so grateful for Ella and my children and family. I want to be positive and thankful. But also, there's so much one goes through when having a baby---emotionally, physically---chemically. I feel alone in it much of the time. I don't want to burden Collin with my thoughts. It was really nice to be able to socialize a little tonight. We left way too late but it helped me and my loneliness very much. It helped me feel better as a mother for my kids to have a safe place to run and explore and be with other kids after being mostly inside the house for weeks now.  I felt love and kindness from our neighbors as they asked about Ella's birth and offered babysitting, advice, encouragement, humor. It was a great time. 

I front of our house before we left. They were so excited to use their camping chairs. 

1 comment:

  1. First, just saying "spruces campground" brings up soooo much homesickness in me! I'm going to cry. :)

    Second, it IS so hard! So many emotions, all at the same time. At least this time (you know, not your first baby) you know that things will settle. Your hormones, the big kids, Ella. Right now is so, um, it makes me think of the graph thingy that records earthquakes. You know, right?! :) But you know that line will become smoothed out. Maybe not where it was before and certainly not flat, but smoother. It's just so rough at the beginning. I'm so glad that you were able to get out and have some chat therapy. As always, wish I was closer!