June 18, 2016

The only one for me is you and you for me

5 weeks ago you came to me, Ella. 5 weeks ago I had no idea what was about to happen or the special little girl I was about to meet. We still have so much to learn about each other, but we get to know each other more every day and I love you. This morning we were in such good moods in the quiet sunlight, everyone else still sleeping around us. (Yes, it's a family bed, folks!) I held you up so we could look into each other's eyes and we sang, well I sang, that Turtles song, so happy together and I kissed your sweet little face over and over and cooed and sang and asked you all sorts of silly things in a very silly high pitched voice, and you smiled! You were quiet, wish wise eyes and you smiled at me over and over with each kiss and question and nuzzle. You have this power over me. We have a very strong bond already. (It makes these long nights with very little sleep, worth it!! You know, when you fuss and cry and We are big exhausted and I feel I've tried everything and just plain ol' nursing doesn't solve every problem and I have no clue what to do...) I love you. You challenge me in a whole new way. You bless my life in a whole new way. Having 3 kids is interesting. You literally can't do it all. I thought i had to multitask with 2!! This is a whole new game!!! 
And Freddie and Hattie have to be more independent because I truly can't help them all. Frederick has been an incredible help to me.  And Hattie and I are growing together though we try each other EVERY MOMENT it seems. As we get through each obstacle we learn so much from each other. 

Last night we tried to go camping and packed everything and were so excited! Our first over night in Utah! Well, I didn't realize that in Utah, you'd better reserve your spots. We went to about 8 campgrounds and all were totally full. Bummer. Big big bummer. So we decided to make the most of it before heading home to sleep :(. We went to a resevoir with a sandy beach nearby and played for an hour or so. The kids got really into digging in the sand and running through the shallow waves. I nursed Ella for a while as they giggled and played. We sat on blankets and ate the snacks we had brought. Then Collin took Ella and Hattie and I went swimming. She wouldn't wear her life vest so we couldn't go very deep but we held each other and she was saying the most hilarious things about the boobies (booeys) way out there and "having so much fun, guys!" We do this, "I'll keep you save," thing with only each other. She started holding me tight and saying that a while ago at sweet moments. Hehe. Then she went back and Freddie and I went and tried to swim out to a booey. The sun had gone behind the mountains by now and it was getting cold and we were tired!! We went about 3/4 of the way out and then came back in. It was really fun laughing and talking with him, but also terrifying as I was having flashbacks of the movies Everest and Open Water, hahahahahahha. 

5 weeks together in this new life of ours and in the lovely morning light, things are going pretty good. 

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