Mothers day

It's hard to believe that last mothers day I was this

and now I'm this!

It's hard to describe my feelings of love and gratitude for my son. Being a mom has had its challenges. Sometimes it's hard to not have total freedom or to have to buckle and unbuckle a car seat a million times or change a bazillion kamillion diapers....but all for selfish reasons. And i can think of about a thousand amazing happy blessings ive received. And so many simple little things: his smile, his accomplishments, his crazy faces and reactions. Those eyebrows. "mama." His eyes when he eats: sometimes so determined and serious, sometimes playful and super silly, sometimes rolled up and half closed from milk bliss or sleepiness. I love watching Collin with him. Man, I love Collin. I'm not going to lie...having a kid can be strenuous on a relationship...mainly from lack of sleep crankiness plus crazy hormones going nuts and feelings of inadequacy or self consciousness from having an after birth body.... But for real it has also brought us closer together in every way possible through patience, forgiveness (from him! Ha!) and working hard to work together.
In fact every challenge has made me a better person, mother, wife (um, but I'm still messing up and still working on things everyday).
Sometimes I get down because I've felt more isolated or friendless or old or whatever, but then I wake up and slap myself and am so grateful for everyday.
I didn't write much about it, but Collin was laid off last November. It has been a very trying time for us...financially, physically, emotionally, and every other type of "ally," but has also been one of the best times of my life! I've been able to spend everyday with my best friend. We have had many great adventures! And I have had so much help with Frederick...seriously, I'm so spoiled. Collin is so helpful, loving and hard working in every way.
Well after 6 months of prayer, fasting, and Collin working his butt off to get another job (depths of humility, my friend), we were blessed and he got a job this past week. He starts today. It's so sweet and a tiny bit bitter as we have prayed about this so hard and feel so so right, but it will be hard adjusting to having him gone all the time again. I hope I don't get too lonely!!! (but I'm so thankful so I only want to focus on the positive and I know everything will be just fine!)
Anyway, life is crazy but the craziness is necessary. Everything I experience helps me grow. I'm so happy to be married to Collin Smith and be mother to Frederick. I love my two kitties, Montgomery and Dot. I'm thankful for my own mother, such a strong beautiful totally giving person. I hope I can be like her some day.
I got spoiled on mothers day at home and at church! In our ward, the young women took over primary (and Collin played piano for singing time) so that all the women could go to Relief Society (yahoo, my favorite thing of all time!) We had a short lesson, then went to the gym where the men had prepared a brunch for us! We also all got roses. It was so sweet and thoughtful. They had set up a ton of chairs for us too and said they know we love to"visit." hehe.
I got to spend time with my own mother, too. I love her.
Best Mother's Day ever!!!!

Hangin with mom+Grandma Lulu+The Avengers

Freddie and shoes from the DR.

Seeing Grandma Lulu again on her way back to FL. (at the Big Apple. We just went to this random place because it was near the airport and it was awesome.)

Then we saw the Avengers. I actually enjoyed it. And Fred slept through the whole thing, phew.

 

He's a cute sleeper. He has been eating a ton all day today. That plus being bitten like 3 times on each side in the past couple of days makes for lots of lanolin use. Having teeth on the top and bottom is rough. Im not sure what to do. In not going to quit and I'm not going to smack him or yell at him or scratch him. Not my style. Are there any gentle effective ways to stop the biting?

6 teeth!!

Frederick has two more teeth coming in!!!! Finally on the bottom!!!! Man, that kid has had 6 teeth come in in about 6 weeks. (poor darling) And he's been crying though the night because of it. (poor me (and collin)) And I'm pretty exhausted because of it and extra hormonal on top of that. (poor collin)

Just wanted to share this...

freddie over the last month.5 in videos

So many videos. Kind of ridiculous how many there are, but I've been wanting to post them for forever. They are pretty great, too. 

Tonight we

Took a drive to the Phoenix temple construction site, Skyped with family all over the country, and relaxed. Nice Sunday.

Coming to an end

I'm not so great at writing or expressing how I'm really really feeling but i can't say enough how grateful I am. I'm here with my mom for her last radiation treatment! They will take out her device, tubes, drains too-which have caused infection and much discomfort. We'll celebrate somehow this afternoon. But the humility and gratitude: I testify that God loves us. He allows us to experience pain. But it helps us grow and allows us to comfort and understand and help other people as they suffer. I have met a lot of beautiful wonderful women while bringing my mom to her treatments. There is this woman, Jennie, who has breast cancer and has been receiving radiation treatment for 8 months. She had two surgeries this week because they keep finding more cancer. She starts chemo next week. I had to turn away because I couldn't fight back tears. So many people suffering but God does love them. I know because despite hard things I have experienced in my family or in my own marriage and life, I'm able to recognize blessings. I'm thankful. I feel loved. My mom feels so blessed and loved and positive and well taken care of.

Radiation

Took my mom to get her radiation yesterday. Emotional about all the cards and flowers in her home. She has touched many lives and is loved and admired by many.
My mom is doing pretty good. Just in a lot of pain with the device, tubes, and drains in her breast. It's very very uncomfortable. She said she has to turn her mind off to it because she knows it's necessary and will be over soon. It's just unbearably painful sometimes. But her spirits are good. She is grateful. She feels loved.
Also emotional when we got to the waiting room of the radiation/chemo cancer center. It was so full. That many people with cancer?? It's one in eight.
Mammograms save lives. Under the new government healthcare plan mammograms won't be covered by insurance until age 65!!!!! My mom is 53. The rate of breast cancer goes up substantially after age 50. Millions of cases of breast cancer will go undetected and untreated until the cancer has well-taken over. Millions of women will die. Self exams are good but can often miss things. Because my mom got her mammogram, her cancer was found early, it hadn't spread to the lymph nodes yet, she is having minimal radiation and so far still no chemotherapy, and most-likely after radiation is done, she will be fine! Back to normal life! Cancer research had come so far. It's an amazing miracle. Science, technology, and medicine is a miracle.

A visit with grandma @ the airport

Frederick and Grandma Lulu! Collin's mom had a layover in Phoenix for 4 hours on her way out to Monterey to see Collin's sister. We got to eat lunch and play. I love Freddie with his grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts. It's just the best. Mom Smith was so excited to see how much Freddie had changed in the month since we last saw her. Three teeth, crawling like a pro, so confident at pulling himself up and standing! It was a short but sweet visit!!

Happy news!

My mom is doing well. No cancer in her lymph nodes!! The tumors are completely out!! She has a tube, drain, and balloon in her left breast awaiting radiating twice a day starting Monday for a week! No chemotherapy is needed so far. Other than the discomfort of said objects and soreness, she is doing really well.
Gosh, I'm overwhelmed with gratitude because of all the kindness and prayers and faith on her behalf. But even more because of the fact that I know she is in God's hands. He loves her and has a plan for her and for our family. He knows the big picture. I know all of this for a fact. And if it were part of his plan for her, He could take her and it would be hard. One of the hardest things in my life. But I would know that it would be okay, and that this life is not the end, but is a short time in the spectrum of eternity. This is not the end of our existence. But she is going to be okay!!! What an incredible blessing! And what a blessing that we each have life and breath and this beautiful world everyday. Enjoy it! Don't waste it! Go outside with your husband and baby and kitties and friends. (I will. But I'll take a short nap first. We had to be up at 6 am today to watch our friends' children for the weekend.) ;)