had a great day and then a rough evening. It was my first nervous break down as a mom, ever. perhaps a combo of lots of things. I can't fully describe the horrible feelings I had: suffocation, frustration, anger, sadness, failure, disappointment, denial, and guilt for feeling all those. I won't go into details but I couldn't take it. Frederick cried, I cried HARD, Dot got scared, and Monte woke up. Then I called Collin bawling. He talked me down (from the ledge?? ha!) and came home and everything got mostly better. then there was something dumb I did and argg didn't think. damaged without realizing. ugg. but we had a nice fresh dinner of fish with zucchini, tomatoes, herbs, lemon and orzo that I made and it turned out pretty delish.
so but I guess the whole freak out thing is normal, and everybody goes through that now and again right? But no one talks about it, so I just feel totally crazy. Every time I look at Frederick, I feel like the most horrible person for being mad at him. and Hormones are real, my friend. Have a baby, and you'll find out. You'll find out and you'll never be the same.