October 24, 2013

Big brother

Fred asks multiple times a day to see the baby and I have to pull up my shirt and everything so he can rub, hug, talk to, listen to my tummy, play w my belly button etc. it just makes me want to burst open w love and excitement. We talk about when the baby comes and what it might be like. 

The last week has been hard because I've decided to be strict on nursing just once a day--for the mid-day nap. I love nursing, so so much, but now it's painful and uncomfortable and I don't want to do it. So we had our first ever family meeting and all agreed that it would be just the once a day.

Although Fred made his verbal agreement, there have been a lot of tears, talking, reminding, tantrums, frustrations, etc. 

Tonight while Fred was falling asleep we had the sweetest time together that made up for the hard times in the past few days. He loves me. He loves the baby. We just sat together and he grew tired, and had his arm across my belly. I just stared at him and thought about him as a big brother and didn't want it to go so fast. He said, "milky is sleeping," as if he was saying he would love to have some, but knows it's not possible right now. I said, "yes, and also remember we agreed to just have it once a day, "to which he answered, "once a day." This is so emotional to me. 

Part of me realizes that in the future I will look back on this time and ache to be able to nurse my little boy again...and here I am, ending it. But what makes it ok in my brain and heart is that I know he's growing up and learning to deal with his emotions in other ways and that's important. 

Then just now talking to Collin about it all, verbalizing it all, and again typing it, thinking about it, my eyes well up with tears. He really is growing up and there's nothing I can do about it. This change is huge. And more giant changes I can't even comprehend are coming. 

I'm a giant knotted up ball of emotional hormones right now!!!

Okay so now a bunch of photos of all my darlings:

He us obsessed w this hat. It's too small. But he loves wearing it so much.

Awesome witch fingers from Lulu!!!

Lots of friendly cats on our morning walk.
Tea party. I had prenatal tea and Fred was drinking apple cider, which he calls, "Apple tea." + apples and peanut butter while we watched a movie. His two favorites are The Nightmare Begote Christmas and anything Pooh Bear. Oh boy...

Sea shells!!! Listened to the ocean.

Wooooooo balloons!

He says he wants to play football like uncle Joe and told him he threw the football. He worships Joseph. "82!"


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