October 4, 2011

yesterday was rough

had a headache for the past two days and I woke up with it pounding. (probably from lack of sleep? pain killers haven't worked.) So Collin headed to work and I fed Freddie then we both fell back asleep, hard. we woke up around 11:30am, he was crying and starving. We were both super sweaty. I'm SO out of it at this point. I feed him a little and then he pees out all over me and the bed. I say, okay, shower time. In the past he's been totally happy and fine in the shower, but this time he just screamed and screamed and screamed. I got him out, me still nasty, wrapped him up, and then he pooped ALL over his towel. I get him diapered and try feeding him, but he's so upset and frustrated that we just can't get it. And at this point it's 12 something and I have not eaten A THING all day, and there is no liquid in sight to quench my insane thirst. I'm on our bed, can't get up, and I just start crying and crying with Fred. And I'm praying, talking to God, and telling him how hard this is, when..............................

my mom just comes in the door. I was saved! I told her I was so glad she was there. And she had brought me the most delicious chicken salad sandwich I've ever had. So I eat, and drink coconut water so I'm able to think straight and Fred and I are both calm so I can feed him effectively. Phew. Then he's dozing off and my mom holds him and I'm able to take a LONG HOT WONDERFUL SHOWER and even SHAVE my legs for the first time since he was born!!!! I wash off the pee and poop and milk and sweat and frustration, and feel just gratitude because the Lord is mindful of me and just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, he sent me help.

While my sweet, darling, angel, Freddie, slept, my mom and I were able to get so much done around the apt, and when she left I slept even more and just felt so good. It's amazing how quickly things can change. Then my mom left and Collin got home and we had Family Home Evening, and we decided we were going to try our hand and go out to a movie. I was really nervous about it all working out, but I fed Fred a TON, and we went right over to the theater and watched Dream House. The seats were SO comfortable, the tickets at Harkins are cheap (only $7!!) and Freddie, swaddled up in his father's arms, SLEPT the entire time. I figured I'd nurse him if he woke up and got fussy, but I didn't even have to! The movie was really loud, too, so he's learning to sleep with lots of noise. The movie was pretty good. A great cast: Daniel Craig, Rachel Weise (who did a phenomenal job) and Naomi Watts (who was a little bit wasted on this film...her character was alright, but she's always enjoyable to watch). And as a psychological thriller, it was the perfect start to my favorite Holiday month, Halloween. woo hoo.

We can DO this! We can be parents and lovers and happy and fun and adventurers still! And man, I just can't get over how cute this guy is and how much I love to just look at him. Both of them.

Got milk????


  1. Oh my goodness. I cannot write enough here to say how much I LOVE this post. Because I can so identify with it. What a bond motherhood can be!!! Seriously. I read that and immediately I thought yes yes yes yes yes. And then I wanted to hug you and be there in AZ. And then hug you again. THAT is so my experience. I feel like there is always a day (or two or 15?) like that with newborns. I had some with Madeleine and one that I can remember with Sophie. Just as you said: sweat, milk, pee, spit up everywhere and then simultaneous crying with the baby. It totally happens! And the talking to God while you're crying and rocking in this heap of a mess. SO. BEEN. THERE. (Except my mama didn't walk in. Awesome!)

    And also so been there taking infants to movies! It's the best first "outing!" So proud of you guys and happy for you guys. That's the way to do it! I knew you guys would lose your cool, your je ne sais quoi when you had a baby. It only magnifies it!!!! LOVE YOU!

  2. Oops. Meant to say knew you guys WOULDN'T (would NOT) lose your cool...

  3. Ooh, I love your honesty Nikki! It is SO hard to be a new mom, and you have have described the difficulty of it so perfectly! People just don't understand until they've been there...You are so right, though, you and Collin totally can do it! You guys are amazing! And the good news is, that it only gets easier as they start sleeping more and get into a routine and whatnot. And what a sweet face Freddie has--at least if you have to be up at night, it's cause you're with your little sweetheart!

  4. I am a blog stalker and am coming out to let you know that I love your blog! And your baby is just A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E

  5. Nikki! He is such a perfect little baby. I can't wait to meet him! I'm sorry, but I totally laughed when I read your post, because I was just there, like 2.5 months ago :) those days get fewer and farther between, and then he'll start smiling and you'll forget he ever got poop all over the place. Also: there is nothing better than having time to shave your legs in the shower. God truly does answer even our smallest prayers :)