Growing babes.

Hattie in her personal prayer tonight: "thank you for our new friends and bless them. And bless that we don't have to leave next time and we can stay together with them forever and ever."

And Freddie let me know that tonight after he read his verse [of scripture] he got frustrated and thought in his head that he wanted to hit Hattie two times but he stopped and thought, "no, I'm not going to do that, I'm going to use my words instead." 

He went on to tell me that when I get frustrated I can do the same thing. I love him. Love his wisdom. 

These happened tonight as we all laid in their bed before sleep. Bedtime can seem never ending and stressful sometimes but it can also be my favorite time with them. I love our pillow talk. Love my bubs. Ella, you're adorable. 

Thoughts in the head of a thinking all night Pisces, tonight

I am not unlike anyone in this world in that I struggle. I have struggles small and big and some that I can discuss and some I cannot. Sometimes I feel I am suffering in silence. I know so many do, each with unique pains and challenges and weaknesses and mistakes and wishes and failures and disappointments. 

Being a social person myself, I often look for support from others: other women, mothers, friends, other couples...people to talk to and discuss and find similarities and differences and feel lifted or enlightened. I find myself unable to do that right now because of circumstances. I'm away from my close family and friends, people who really know me. And life gets more and more demanding and also wonderfully busy as time goes on. Kids doing more, Collin and I doing more. And my child isn't even in school yet! I can only imagine how busy life gets when that happens. I tried going to a La Leche League meeting because I always feel so much support and happiness from learning from other mothers. But I'm finding that in the places I usually turn to for support from other moms, here where I am, I'm usually the only one with two, almost three children. Most are about to have their first or just have one. Or have 4-5. So it's not bad just different. But for one of the first times I find myself a little physically alone. 

I reconsider posting this a little because I do not want it to sound by any means that I am depressed or sad or feel pitiful. I just want to record my thoughts and the blessings and answers I have received tonight. On a daily basis I feel happy and caught up in the business. I do so many things with my family and kids. We have fun! But I am also a deeply reflective person, and one who feels a deep desire to record, to write, to share my inner self and thoughts and so I write this to myself, my future, and my very close ones.

So many changes have happened recently. And so many changes coming. I can't comprehend life and how interesting and different it can become. Everything I've known has and will change and that happens in life, doesn't it? With each giant milestone. And suddenly I'm not a newlywed or young mother! Well I'm still young, only 31, but not 27 anymore! I have a kid in primary and will have 3 children. Who ever imagined those miracles? And what will it be like to have school children? An 8 year old? Middle school children? High school? Yet so many around me are experiencing those things and are in disbelief. So anyway...

Tonight I laid in bed reflecting and thinking and wondering and worrying. I know it was right to try for a third baby. Collin and I decided together. And I had a great desire and a personal witness more than once that this was right. And I'm pregnant and it's so exciting and wonderful but also of course difficult and tiring with two busy kids who are somewhat opposites and in cold weather to add to that!!!! It's hard not having a yard or warmth to send them out into to play every day as I'm exhausted and sick sometimes.  And Collin and I both feel so strongly that (for us---I in no way shape or form believe what I do is right for everyone or anyone for that matter. I deeply respect other peoples' parenting choices and strategies and deeply believe that we each are given the children we have because we are the best to raise them and know what they need)...again Collin and I both strongly believe for us--in cosleeping and full-term nursing and baby wearing and carrying and other things which create strong physical attachment for many years. That's not something that will change for us. And again I know it was right to have another child (and probably more after this too..) It all takes up so much time!!! And energy!! So how do I do it all and make time for my relationship with my husband? How do I do it all and get to talk to him and ask him questions and hear every detail about his day and his wants and needs and fears and successes and challenges? How do I take care of a newborn, meaning nursing all day in the start, and entertain a very active preschooler and a highly emotional toddler? I know I can but I get caught up in...how? I know I will just do it but I still look for support and encouragement.  And why can't I find it in all my usual places in the world? 

And there are other challenges and why can't I talk to someone about them? I don't want to burden anyone and I don't want anyone to judge me. So then I was feeling a little lonely. 

The spirit whispered to me that I can talk to God. 

Yes, yes, I know...but it's good to talk to someone face to face too, right??

So I turned over and hugged my husband and cuddled him. Then I still wasn't falling asleep so I got up (because my midwife made a few suggestions for when I can't get back to sleep like getting up and getting a snack or doing a little light reading till I felt tired again).

So I got up and peed and got a snack (a carrot, which took longer to peel than it took me to take one bite, which was all I took because I wasn't feeling like eating it) and went to the couch. I picked up the brand new December Ensign and saw on the front, "President Packer's final witness.."

and turned to it and read. And felt the love of the Savior, and of God, my father, and of this man, this apostle, who somehow felt inadequate but knew what he knew and shared it boldly and with love. 

I felt I could turn to God with my problems, and that he is the answer. I felt softening. I felt the power to humble myself and repent and find time and reprioritize. I felt the truth of the words I read. I felt strength and support and encouragement. I somehow felt that I'm doing a good job (to my surprise!!!) and that I can make it and that God is proud of me. Sometimes we are hard on ourselves and we don't realize how good we are doing and that God loves us. 

A few parts from what I read:

"...many men have willingly given their lives in selfless acts of heroism. But none faced what Christ endured. 

...the Light of that pure being. All wickedness could not quench that Light. ...Both death and hell forsake their claim on all who would repent. Men at last were free. Then every soul who ever lived could choose to touch that Light and be redeemed. 

'By this infinite sacrifice, 'through the [this] Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.''

...It is not untoward for any of us to aspire to teach as He taught. It is not untoward for any of us to aspire to be like him. 

*****>>>>>>

...If you have stumbled or even been lost for a time, if you feel that the adversary now holds you captive, you can move forward with faith and not wonder to and fro in the world any longer. There are those who stand ready to guide you back to peace and security. Even the grace it God, as promised in the scriptures, comes 'after all we can do.'  The possibility of this, to me, is the truth most worth knowing.

...Joseph Smith and Sidney Rigdon...'this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! For we saw him.'"

[and Packer adds] 

Their words are my words. 

 

What powerful blessings and answers I have been given tonight. What power and knowledge and strength. My testimony is strong. My heart is light and my burdens are easy. I feel surrounded by love and support. I feel like I can endure. I feel sleepy enough to go back to sleep!!! ;) 

I know Jesus Christ atoned for me and that the power in that atonement is real. I know he and God love me and know me and will give me answers and guidance. I know my calling as mother and woman  is noble. I know my marriage is a blessing and that we can turn to each other and work together and be better and be happy. I have a great man who loves the Gospel and who loves his family and works hard. He is a young man of the church and has fulfilled so many promises made to me by Heavenly Father. He challenges me and I'm made into a better person through what we learn together. 

I know I will be able to raise three children  doing my best and loving them, in the way I feel inspired to do so. I love my two little characters, Fred and Hat, and I have quite the feeling that this little one a-brewin' is going to join them easily in their mischief.  I must add, how grateful I am for my little kitty, Dot. She is a faithful little companion who cuddles up to me (right next to me even now) who somehow senses my emotions and offers herself as a comfort to me.  If you don't have a bond with an animal, no problem and I'm sure i sound crazy, but the comfort and calmness I feel while petting her and her unconditional love and loyalty is really really sweet. Heavenly Father has blessed me very much. 

A Formula

I kept waiting for guidance in the form of a talk, article or advice from someone telling me WHAT to do...a formula....numbered instructions....x+y=z (z being Freddie not being aggressive toward hattie anymore.) ((and mind you, he's not THAT bad. I believe it's a normal amount of boy aggression for his age and having a newish sister etc....and he Loves her, cares for her, plays w her, makes her laugh, holds her hand, gives her toys...etc too...it was just a hard thing to see him also randomly take out aggressions ON HER. She was getting hurt/falling off things/banging her head etc as a result and we felt it a danger.))

Anyway so I kept not knowing what to do...saying and thinking and FEELING this. So overwhelmed. 

I have since general conference been praying aloud in front of my kids, more personal, heart and soul stuff, and trying to read a verse or so of scripture aloud w them and today I gave a visiting teaching lesson on patience (I need it.) so all these things came together and after a very overwhelming day and venting to my husband and then praying so hard all day for our friend, Evan, 16. He's fighting bone cancer through chemo and yesterday an operation that removed his femur and knee and replaced w a rod.  Well and today he has been fighting a high fever and had to get a blood transfusion. So we have been praying like crazy. Tonight Collin came home from work early and we cancelled our plans and decided to do a little bit of family time healing at home. Everything got better. 

And tonight as I laid in bed, holding, nursing, singing to my little ones, the inspiration came. There was one thing I'd been thinking of earlier today and that was that I need to watch better...smarter. I mean don't get me wrong, I watch my kids really well. I don't leave them or anything but I need to not even turn my back on them alone in some situations right now. This won't last long. I know it. 

They will be grown up in no time and I'm just savoring laying between their two tiny, sleeping, purring, warm bodies.  I'm so grateful. The other inspiration was LOVE. Teach about love. Sing about it, talk about it and what it means, ask about it. Read about it. Practice it. 

Thats how this works for me I think... If I can stay patient and diligent, the spirit will guide and inspire me for good. I can do this. Now...it's only 8:10pm and the babes are asleep! Time to party, CS!! 😝👏😴

Ward conference touched my heart

My Bishop quoted the scripture, Mosiah 2:4, "consider on the blessed and happy state of those who keep the commandments of God." The spirit asks for a mighty change of heart. Bishop counseled us to not judge ourselves so harshly and said that we are commanded to be perfect, but will never accomplish this in this life. We are human. We will progress greatly in the next life. He said we are doing better than we think. What an answer to prayers from yesterday. 

He also said: 

Not to compare ourselves to others. We often compare our weakest weaknesses with others' greatest strengths. This leads to envy. If others are blessed and successful at certain things, be happy for them and move on. I have been blessed in my own ways. 

He recounted President Gordon B Hinckley's counsel in April 2000 to be better husbands and wives; to restrain criticisms and be generous with compliments; as mothers and fathers to treat my children with love and respect and encourage them; as sons and daughters to be respectful and obedient to my parents; and as children of God to meditate daily on how I can be a better example of Christ. 

I was in a really bad mood this morning because...well I won't go into it. But I was upset and felt justified but also knew I was being ridiculous. Collin was patient with me. Freddie was crying most of the morning. Hattie needed to eat. I was mad. But hearing these kind, encouraging, loving, encouraging words from my bishop gave me the humility and confidence I needed to recognize my blessings and change my negativity to positivity. I'm grateful to be listening from the mothers lounge while nursing my daughter and for Collin who is with Freddie in the Chapel. I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father's love. He knows me. 

I'm grateful for the Book of Mormon. I started reading it again in January and have a goal of finishing by mid-June with the Young Women before we go on a trip to Utah. I don't want to be judgemental or critical. It's too yucky feeling and exhausting. And these dudes make me feel sooooo happy.....

Another, more successful try

Got up extra early
Plenty of time to get us all ready
Many prayers aloud and in my heart
Pleading for a heart to heal and comfort for us all. Peace.
Bye daddy, then lay back, close to me, all eyes shut, suck suck suck. I drifted off, only 10 minutes had passed.
It's time. Pack up, out the door, bites of muffin, on the road. The sidewalk. The road; there isn't sidewalk, explaining all the way.
Insuring
Promising
Preparing.
Through doors, early so I could play and show him it's fun. A few tears, but they stop because it IS fun and Candy, the babysitter, is nice. We play basketball. Happy!
Its time.
Hug, kiss, vain reassurance, then gone, left, out, behind, alone.
Class starts,

breathing
Deeply
In
Out
Familiar
Lay down
Balance
breathe
Struggle
Sweat

It's been too long
My mind is free
Everything weighing so heavily lifts from my soul, heart, brain, up my throat, stinging, almost crying.
Then calm. Peace. Hard work. Why did I leave you?
Good.
Done.
Back to my world. Hugs. Mine eager; his tearful.
United
Home
Suck suck suck. Eyes drifting. Breath slowing.

What a morning.

So I joined a gym! And today I took a Zumba class which means Fred had his first day in the kids club. He cried hard. It was hard on me. They said he would settle down but every time a parent would open the door to drop off their child, he would start crying again. It was hard but after a lot of reading, advice from experienced moms, child care attendees and breastfeeding groups, talks with Collin and PRAYERS, I do believe that he will be okay and that it won't be a damaging traumatic experience in the long run. It's not the same thing as leaving him alone in the dark to "cry it out." There were sweet women who were holding him and comforting him. This will be good practice for going into nursery next month at church.

About to sleep and I hear the awful shrieks of animals fighting outside. I go out to the main room; my kitties are alert, terrified. I go the balcony window and search: on my mind is how much I'm disliking these homeless, wondering creatures, how they worry my cats, come onto our porch, tear up the trash. Then I flick the porch light: on; off; on. One, smaller black kitty, jumps away scared; he'd been hiding out from the scuffle. He looks back at me; our eyes meet for a second before he runs away. Then all I can do is feel so sad and guilty for being mad at this creation of God's who has never known love, and pray he makes it somewhere safely.

There are so many animals today without a home, food or water. Get your pets neutered or spayed, please. It is affordable at the Humane Society (Arizona) & (DC) and there are even free options.

Update Ouelessebougou

I'm trying to find out more about how things are going in Ouelessebougoo (way-less-eh-boo-goo), Mali. As far as I can tell, things are not in a state of crisis there. It's in the North, where the Christian cities and relics are located.

Yeah Samake's website is continuing to be updated. It looks as though the elections are on for April 2013.

Here is the blog of Yeah Samake's wife.

I'm hoping the French and Aftican troops are successful in getting al Quaeda out. Here is an update.

Mali

All I can do is pray. al Queda has been occupying Northern Mali since the coup there in March 2012. They were about to have a clean Presidential Election. Our good friend, Yeah Samake, was in the running. But everything was put to a stop and very strict Sharian law is being enforced. Things have gotten worse. Children have been bought/kidnapped and forced to join the terrorist army. Women are being gang raped, married, sold, bought. Those who rebel are murdered or amputated. My stomach is sick. My whole body hurts. The tears are real. How can this happen to those sweet amazing strong people? I know God loves the people of Mali. He is aware of each of them. I have faith that he will relieve their suffering

I pray for the French and African troops fighting against the Taliban.

I'm looking for news from Ouelessebougou and our friends there at the O/Utah Alliance, where Collin and I worked in 2009. They are further down south and west of Bamako and the Northern Christian cities, but I am very worried.

Read Collin's post here.

Old/New

Two days ago on Facebook there was a quote that said mothers sacrifice for their babies and I "liked" it, posting it on my own page. I guess a few people took it offensively, and posted their feelings on it, one being an Aunt of mine. She got it all out. Then others responded to the first person, escalating with more offense, angry replies, and more people involved on each side. It hurt me that people would think I'd be so judgmental of them; that people on either side would set aside any thought of how this would effect my relationships with family members; and most of all, that my Facebook page would be a forum for such judgement, intolerance, hurtful sarcasm (all is hurtful in my opinion) or even hate. ---especially when all I was doing (in my mind) was agree that all mothers sacrifice and that motherhood is a beautiful and wondrous thing.
I've seen this behavior over and over on fb, especially since the election, people using other peoples' posts to get out their frustrations, not caring about the hurt or offense they might cause others. That's the point of the Internet, right? You can say anything you want without having consequence??? (not really but we are made to feel that way, invincible for a time.) I myself, am no where near free from being guilty of this, sadly. I'm doing it even now. I guess it's the world we live in.
Then last night, after fretting about how to delete the post altogether, I found out that a childhood friend's husband passed away Friday morning, after a long fight with brain cancer, leaving her and two daughters. Then i thought of my own cousin who Iost her 4th child during birth, Christmas morning. It sickened me to think of the real suffering that's going on for these women and all over the world while we are wrapped up in fb, creating more stress for ourselves. I don't hold anything against anyone involved in my post, but I decided to leave Fb once and for all, and deleted my account. Those kinds of things seem monumentous, but they really aren't.
I will still post opinions, here on this blog, where I think it's more appropriate....mostly because very few people actually read this, that I know of. Comments and differing opinions are welcome, but my hope is that the mean ones will be left elsewhere. This is intended to be a space for a love of babies, family, animals, adventure, spirituality, the experiences of a first time mother/parent, pictures, food, and creativity.
Happy New Year.
And, by the way, I'm so touched and inspired by the faith shown by both of the beautiful women i mentioned above who have lost so deeply. They seem so prepared and hopeful. They are both in my prayers and on my mind.

Healing

Mosiah 14 is beautiful and humbling.

"He has born our griefs and carried our sorrows...he was wounded for our transgression, he was bruised for our iniquities. And with his stripes we are healed."

I experience heartache now and again in this life...like today...but I know my Savior loves me and knows everything I've gone through. I know prayer is real because as I've ached for peace, i've been granted it.

Plus look at all these blessings!! (don't look at my disgusting water stained window. I haven't washed it since Freddie was born. Oops.)

yesterday was rough

had a headache for the past two days and I woke up with it pounding. (probably from lack of sleep? pain killers haven't worked.) So Collin headed to work and I fed Freddie then we both fell back asleep, hard. we woke up around 11:30am, he was crying and starving. We were both super sweaty. I'm SO out of it at this point. I feed him a little and then he pees out all over me and the bed. I say, okay, shower time. In the past he's been totally happy and fine in the shower, but this time he just screamed and screamed and screamed. I got him out, me still nasty, wrapped him up, and then he pooped ALL over his towel. I get him diapered and try feeding him, but he's so upset and frustrated that we just can't get it. And at this point it's 12 something and I have not eaten A THING all day, and there is no liquid in sight to quench my insane thirst. I'm on our bed, can't get up, and I just start crying and crying with Fred. And I'm praying, talking to God, and telling him how hard this is, when..............................

my mom just comes in the door. I was saved! I told her I was so glad she was there. And she had brought me the most delicious chicken salad sandwich I've ever had. So I eat, and drink coconut water so I'm able to think straight and Fred and I are both calm so I can feed him effectively. Phew. Then he's dozing off and my mom holds him and I'm able to take a LONG HOT WONDERFUL SHOWER and even SHAVE my legs for the first time since he was born!!!! I wash off the pee and poop and milk and sweat and frustration, and feel just gratitude because the Lord is mindful of me and just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, he sent me help.

While my sweet, darling, angel, Freddie, slept, my mom and I were able to get so much done around the apt, and when she left I slept even more and just felt so good. It's amazing how quickly things can change. Then my mom left and Collin got home and we had Family Home Evening, and we decided we were going to try our hand and go out to a movie. I was really nervous about it all working out, but I fed Fred a TON, and we went right over to the theater and watched Dream House. The seats were SO comfortable, the tickets at Harkins are cheap (only $7!!) and Freddie, swaddled up in his father's arms, SLEPT the entire time. I figured I'd nurse him if he woke up and got fussy, but I didn't even have to! The movie was really loud, too, so he's learning to sleep with lots of noise. The movie was pretty good. A great cast: Daniel Craig, Rachel Weise (who did a phenomenal job) and Naomi Watts (who was a little bit wasted on this film...her character was alright, but she's always enjoyable to watch). And as a psychological thriller, it was the perfect start to my favorite Holiday month, Halloween. woo hoo.

We can DO this! We can be parents and lovers and happy and fun and adventurers still! And man, I just can't get over how cute this guy is and how much I love to just look at him. Both of them.

Got milk????

it's going on

So my dad's heart is fixed!!! There was a large hole he'd had since birth and they were going to try this very new procedure where they go up through a vein in his groin and have this umbrella-like plug that opens up and completely seals the hole. But if the umbrella isn't big enough because the hole is too big, the person isn't a canidate and they have to back out, wake him up, and schedule open-heart suregery. But it worked!  Everything went perfectly!!! Prayer works. He's at home recovering and happy to be in his own bed instead of at the hospital. What a MIRACLE. What a difference from last time....also miracles and working prayers, but so much more up, down, up, down, complications, waivered faith, fear, "what if," etc. This time we were all firm in our faith. We were totally together and supporting each other and him. We knew that whatever happened, everything would be alright. My dad was courageous.

My kitten, Dottie, had her surgery yesterday as well. She is now spayed. I was super nervous about it because Monte had the worst time with it (plus the nervousness from Dad going into surgery), but the vets and techs at the AZ Humane Society were so kind and gave lots of comforting words. After hanging out with my dad all afternoon while he had to lay flat for hours after surgery, I went and picked up Dot.
She's all shaved on her tummy with an inch cut in her lower abdomen, now all stitched up, and it's all flabby down there from the procedure. Poor little one. She's doing well now. Last night was very stressful keeping her and Monte apart (meaning one could be in our room with us and one had to stay out in the living room alone...SAD) so they didn't play fight and keeping her from licking her stitches. We tried to put a cone on her, but she flipped out like she was POSSESSED and was running into things and hurting herself. Oh my goodness. So I just keep watching her. She understands, "no-no, Dot!" when she starts licking, and has pretty much quit trying. But I still have to keep an eye on both kitties at all times. We all listen to hypnobirthing together and then they just go to sleep. It's great. :)

Had an appointment today and apparently little Skittlecore is posterior at this time. I'm going to work my hardest at being a human hammock and sitting forward at all times to get him/her to flip, but make sure to send your "turn your back and face my bum" thoughts our way. :) Mary the midwife says not to worry and that she's sure everything will work out the way it's supposed to. I'm really not worried. I feel confident and excited about birth.

I had one of those crazy experiences today that really make you grateful and really make you think. Some people are born into situations that are really hard and that they can't do anything about. I'm really blessed. I need to do more service, think of others more, be more motivated. I want to. I even complain about my phone. Some people don't have a phone.

In other news: it's hot out there, but the sky sure is pretty.

Check out this sweetness from labor day:

Skittlecore at 38 weeks.

Dot on her way to certain doom

Real Pirates at AZ Science Center. It's a REAL PIRATE SHIP from 1700s! It's coming in Oct and going to be amazing. Collin's heading up the whole thing!

Waiting for Dad to get out. Didn't take long!

Poor baby girl.

After yesterday and the hard night for him/his heart on Sat night, he seems to be doing much better. He is on a medication that stabilizes his heart till it can totally heal. They should be sending him home today to recover. Then they will try for the next heart procedure to fix the quarter sized hole he's had since birth. It is a blessing that they found it at all (wouldn't have without doing that other procedure), a blessing that we live so close to the AZ heart hospital with AMAZING doctors....top in the country for hearts....there are only a few doctors preforming BOTH of his surgeries in the COUNTRY. And he and we feel so loved by so many. After he rests a bit and gets better, hopefully in about a week, they will attempt to go in through a vein and plug up the hole with this "mini umbrella" type thing. This is a VERY new procedure. The doctor has only done 300, but none have been fatal. They get in, and if they can't do it, they don't. So if the hole is too big they will have to do open heart surgery. They will have to break his sternum and open his chest and he could be out for 3 months or so. (we talked to one of the nurses that had it done.) So we are DESPERATELY praying and hoping that 

1. the ablation scars over and is successful, and

2. he can get the first option, the non-surgical plug through the vein. 

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan and that everything will be okay. I know it. It's sometimes so hard to see past the trials right in front of me, but we all have faith. Collin assisted AJ in giving my dad a blessing of having faith last night. It was very special and beautiful. I know family is all that really matters. This little baby sure is lucky to be born into such a loving extended family and friends, huh? I hope I can be a worthy mother of such a special little being. I just get this feeling that there's something really good about him or her. 

Thank you for your prayers. Seriously, when someone says they are thinking of us and keeping us in their prayers, it makes me want to cry because I really feel it.

And this weekend we were supposed to be going to Tucson for Joseph and my dad's (he's the head coach) FIRST football game of the season. If you don't know my dad, playing and coaching Joseph in football and basketball are his true passions life. In fact, he keeps saying he has a testimony of sports and believes that's why he made it 51 years on this heart of his. He keeps saying he's going to be at the game. The doctors gave him an okay to walk around, go places, but take it easy, and that he wasn't allowed to PLAY football...so who knows haha....what a funny guy, my dad. 

this is a bit of a roller coaster. Things change so quickly, but I wanted to write more. There were complications. The first surgery is still healing, and my dad had another fribulation in the middle of the night last night so they had to shock his heart three times. When we got in to see him today after church, he was on a little oxygen again, but they took it off him pretty quickly. When we left tonight, his vitals were good, heart was steady all day, but for now they are going to send wait to do the hole surgery till next week. He's hoping that means sending him home tomorrow. Then the stress and worry starts again. But it will be okay. It was nice to be there, just the family all packed in his little room. Lots of love and honesty and LAUGHTER. I felt my dad's fear a little bit, but AJ and Collin gave him a priesthood blessing to have faith and that he will be okay. God is mindful of us. What a thought, but I know it's true. Collin and I fell asleep on a chair together this afternoon. We fit, even with my big belly. I love and rely on him completely. We are 36 weeks pregnant today. I love my family. I'm also soooooooo grateful for my friends. I feel so so loved. Thank you for prayers.