Okay felt so down, crazy, anxiety, negative, scared, disgusted, freaked out. Cant sleep on top of that. So many crazy things going on at once. I'm like life sucks!!!! I say I want to have faith but I don't know how right now. Then a friend reminded me that God won't give me anything I can't handle. Something clicks. I started reading my scriptures and right now I'm reading things like, after much tribulation comes the blessings. After a trial if my faith I will be blessed. And thoughts are becoming positive: he and he and she and he and he and I will be okay. And somehow it will all get paid off. Just keep trying. And more reading: prove yourself to me; receive a witness after trial of my faith,
1 O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?
7 My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high;
45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
(And my favorite:)
7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.