Pregnancy with Babe 4

I haven’t written on here in a very long time, but I’ve been wanting to record some things with this pregnancy. I just reread the birth stories of my 3 children and feel so grateful and am looking forward to this upcoming birth.
It’s March 10, 2019, and I’m 20.5 weeks along. We have not yet hired a midwife. The midwife we had for our last birth, Jessica, is unavailable this summer, and we have interviewed several midwives and birth centers and have not felt the right fit with anyone quite yet. Though we are kept very busy at this time in our lives, we are constantly aware and thinking of this new little one coming to us. I do prenatal yoga and exercises at home with the girls 3-4 times a week, and Collin and I have been taking a Hypnobirthing class again, practicing and reading every day and night.
Joseph comes over every Thursday night to watch the kids while we are in our class. They LOVE it and have so much fun and go to sleep right away for him when it’s time. He does such a great job and we are SUPER grateful for his ability and willingness.
I have enjoyed meditating and taking time to connect with this babe.
It hasn’t been the smoothest road. Collin and I have experienced a lot of stresses together recently. I’ve been more emotional than ever during this pregnancy, but constantly getting better as we work through things, talk, make goals together, and love each other.
When I had Hattie and Ella, there were no kids in school, no actual commitments besides doctors appointments and library story times. The transition to having 3 kids was so huge, but we were able to stay home for a good 6 months before we were out and about with just the kids and me.
This time, the baby is due end of July to mid August. And then school starts at the end of August.  Fred will be 2nd grade, and Hattie, half day kindergarten! We’ve planned to have collin take Fred and hat in the mornings, and I have a friend with a daughter in Fred’s class and who will have a kindergatener next year as well, who lives pretty close to us. I’ll go get the Kinders at 12:15pm everyday and then the friend will get Fred and bring him home in the afternoons. There will also be piano lessons and let’s play music but it looks like it’s all going to work out. I have faith that it will because we have felt so strongly that we need to have this baby. And we are so excited to. We’ve wanted him or her for some time. I’m hoping to get help from the ward and neighbors in the first few weeks, and then have my mom come for the start of school for two or so weeks to help drive. Then....it’ll just all have to work out. The kids are so extremely excited and proud. They are so sweet with me and understanding.

When we told them, Fred just kept wanting to snuggle me. He will come up to me and snuggle and kiss my belly, so proud. He says, “I really hope it’s a brother, but I know it’ll be a girl.” I answer that it’s a 50/50 chance of having a boy or a girl. He says, “no, it’s a 50/40 chance,” (50% girl; 40% boy. 😂💕) He snuggles my belly and talks to the baby every night.
The other day I did the BEST pregnatal yoga stretches and Hattie massaged me the whole time! My legs, back, arms, neck. Very lightly, SO gentle and sweetly. She's so sweet. Ella tried to beat me up half the time so it all balances out. 😂🤪
Ella loves the baby too though. She is convinced the he or she is inside one of my breasts. She says, “baby going to come out and sit by me.” My milk has been gone since about 4-5 weeks ago and she hasn’t nursed in 3 weeks. She’s asked but I always change the subject because it’s too irritating right now. She’s usually fine to go get a snack together instead, but there has been once or twice where she’s just laid her head in my lap and sobbed. I love her so much. I would love to have her start again when the baby comes, but I’m wondering if she’ll forget how. It’ll all work out.
Each of the kids will be amazing siblings to this new one. I can’t wait to see them altogether.
I’ll start pregnatal yoga wth Alicia at Utah prenanttal yoga next week, and I can’t wait.
Next week I turn 35! I love being pregnant on my bday. It feel so special. I remember all the bdays I've been pregnant. Every one except Hattie, whom I got pregnant with ON my bday. (Or right about).
My 27th with Fred in DC. My mom and Joseph came out to visit on spring break. We went to mount Vernon and an Irish pub. Friends came over for cake. We had been trying to get pregnant with Hattie for a while and after March at turning 30, found out right on general conference Saturday that we were expecting her! With Ella, at our home on Capitol Hill, i turned 32, and we had a party with all the Nesbit family in Utah. It was so fun and after everyone left just the 4 smiths climbed the Capitol steps for a night time view of Salt Lake City.
I’ve been going to bed pretty early most nights. I feel very well. I get good sleep off and on depending on the kids and how they sleep usually. Some mornings I wake early and can’t fall back asleep like this morning. It’s quiet and a nice time to think. I have been reading the Book of Mormon again, this time paying attention to the parenting. This was the idea of Elder Ballard, who came and spoke to the young married couples in our stake recently. It’s been great. Fred and I also love to read a scripture about baptism almost every morning, in preparation for his own baptism. He simply cannot wait to be baptized. Collin and I try to study come follow me every morning and have been making efforts to study as a family too. There are great resources in this very inspired program. I feel very blessed and am trying to keep on top of it all.

Good morning.

Today

Collin- went grocery shopping last night and came home and cut up vegetables and prepped the whole fridge to make it easier for me. We have had some stresses that have come between us but are looking to find our way together in this new life. 

Freddie- is 4.5 and doesn't always listen the best but really had stepped it up in helping me. When I talk to him and tell him I need his help he really responds. 

Harriet- I've had to hide her clothes. Every time getting dressed is this giant ordeal with tears and changing a dozen times. She picks something and then somehow it becomes so emotional. So I hide her clothes and give her a few options to choose from. I want her to be able to pick and be creative. But right now I sometimes just need her to get dressed. This girl tries my patience like crazy but she is wonderful, special, creative, beautiful and sweet too.

Grandma bought her an Elsa doll while she was here and she carries it around with her EVERYWHERE every moment. She also named her "Anna." 

Ella- growing!!!!! Not that teeny tiny bird anymore! Filling or her newborn clothes. I've been working on her baby book, writing and gluing pictures in. It amazes me that I have another beautiful child. That no matter what happens, she is ours forever. We are we forever. She is precious. Each of my children were in this stage once and I love that seeing her and her movements, faces, mannerisms, remind me of them and moments we had together. Motherhood is the most fulfilling role I've ever had. It will continue to challenge and bless me for eternity. 

Dot- sweet patient kitty is here and loving and takes all the affection she can get. She is low man #4 these days and I don't always get to feed her right away but she is content and cuddly still. What a blessing she is, always. 

Last night was the first night I was on my own for bedtime. I was doing good, staying calm, but by the end there was screaming and we were all in tears. We all eventually fell asleep and it worked it. It will get better with time. I'm so thankful for the women and people I surround myself with physically and through technology. I was asking my friend some questions about nursing and she referred me to the LLL hotline. Duh, you would think I would have thought about that but I didn't and she did. And then another texted me back and forth with encouraging words that I can do this. I started feeling really lonely last night but sleep and the morning light heal me most often. 

Also-this scripture I read with the kids last night (and by the way, we were reading and I was trying and the kids were going a little nuts and the spirit told me to just read the one scripture. I didn't need to be ambitious. Just learn from his scripture.)

And it said...

To read the words of God to heal a wounded heart. I don't feel I have a wounded heart at the moment but I know Heavenly Father loves me and Collin and these babes. 

I've been reading the book, "the First Forty Days," about postpartum care. It is a beautiful eye-opening book. There are ideas and recipes for healthy and doable meals and advice on caring for myself, my babe, and my family. I highly recommend reading it in pregnancy to prepare. 

Sleep is scarce. I'm up a few times a night w Ella (lights on necessary to nurse and change diapers). Collin is exhausted too. But we are surviving and happy. 

Little strawberry 

Hattie loves our swingset in our side backyard and runs to it every chance she breaks free. We Love our yard but we know we need a fenced yard soon for these little explorers. 

Our place is on the right. I love it. 

Mama nursing and my little bookworms; this is real life. 

Sarah and Ete Ahping came to visit. 

This morning. Before Collin left for work and my first day with three kids on my own. And he's coming home early today so I'm breaking in gently. I got a sollybaby wrap this time (in place of my moby before) and I'm so glad!!!! It's so nice and soft and lightweight and perfect for us. It folds up tiny and goes in my bag and it's easy to pull up and nurse in without taking it off completely. I love love love it. I wouldn't be able to have 3 kids without baby wearing. No way. 

DELICIOUS Filling breakfast⏫⏫⏫

Almond butter and oats are amazingly delicious. Add a little bit of dark chocolate for a healthy way to beat sweets cravings. Blueberries and bananas and walnuts and granola and pumpkin seeds. So good. Plus the oats are a slow release energy source so it helps you stay fuller longer. Yum. 

My mom and Collin filled the house with flowers. Beautiful. 

Eating his cereal and almond milk. 

Peonies are beating out ranunculus for my fav flowers these days. 

Rest and peace.

27 And I soon go to the place of my rest, which is with my Redeemer; for I know that in him I shall rest. And I rejoice in the day when my mortal shall put on immortality, and shall stand before him; then shall I see his face with pleasure, and he will say unto me: Come unto me, ye blessed, there is a place prepared for you in the mansions of my Father. Amen. (Enos:27)

This verse in Enos gives me a comfort. I don't understand eternity and I don't understand the afterlife I'm glad that I will be with my family and my husband my children forever but the fact that I can't comprehend it all really freaks me out sometimes. 

But this verse says to me that maybe that's because I'm not ready; I'm not prepared. So maybe if I were to be more prepared or more ready I would be more fine with the whole thing. I like that he says that he'll have rest. I think of life and the never-ending dishes, sweeping the floor in the laundry and picking up, kids in and out and in and out and in and out of car seats...showering day after day, shaving my legs to no end!!!!!!.....all of those maintenance things on top of just living and taking care my children and being with my husband and developing other relationships with friends. 

Rest sounds kind of good actually. 

Wearing my sweet Hattie

I love babywearing again! Hattie is so light in the moby. She falls asleep instantly on my chest. I love being close to her. Freddie gets a kick out of her in his old carrier. He's like, "oh yeah!!!"

Job 2

Job was a good man and had great integrity. Satan afflicted him with boils all over his body and he still remained faithful. His wife told him to curse God and be put out of his misery but he would not and ensured to the end. Then his friends came and comforted and mourned with him. This was mercy from God. 

Right now I am going through something hard...I have been waiting for almost 2 weeks for my baby to come. Everyday comes and goes with little or no progress. My faith has gone up and down, but God has never left me. He is there to comfort me whenever I turn to him in prayer. (Even after I have insane emotional breakdowns and say I'm giving up.) He sends my husband, parents, and friends, as angels, to mourn with me and comfort me. There are so many who call or text every day, wondering how I'm doing and if the baby is coming. Part of me has a hard time with the pressure it creates, but really I am so blessed to have so many who care and are thinking of me. :) I am continuously learning, repenting, growing, messing up, getting comfort and answers and everything all over again in this pregnancy. This baby has much to teach and add to our family. This is a very special little one.

I need to endure and have integrity. I need to have faith and patience. This will pass (it has to by Thursday!!) and we will have our new child and everything will be different and I'll have many many more lessons to learn. I can do it with God's help, with Collin, the Savior's atonement and the Holy Ghost. 

Highlights.

My mother and brother, Sandy and Joseph Money came last week for their spring break. It was excellent. I love them so much. I've missed them so badly. We just hung out and were together. It was wonderful.

They had a very interesting start to the trip as their plane wing flaps malfunctioned and they had to make an emergency landing using the breaks only, FREAKY! haha, but they survived. THEN on the way home we got a flat tire! Sheesh! Collin and Joe put on the spare and once again, our trip continued.

 This was us in the Planetarium watching BLACK HOLES! It was pretty freaky and awesome to virtually go into space and through a black hole. Space is nuts, man. NUTS.

Our tour of the birth center. Loved it.

Probably the highlight of the week: visiting Mount Vernon:

George Washington's home.

We loved being there; it was so peaceful! We

loved learning about Washington and his family.

He had an incredible life and was such a humble man! 

It was pretty inspiring.

The tour of his mansion was AMAZING. 

We couldn't take pictures, and this was the only 

room I got to sneak a shot of. None of the walls 

were white. ALL color and all picked out by 

Washington himself. He would love our decorating! :)

But back to the tour...it was so intimate. 

We were right there in the rooms. They were just so cool. 

And even though it was pretty crowded, everyone

was really quiet & respectful, and I could feel an 

amazing spirit there. 

One of the greatest gifts that George Washington gave 

this country was to give up his power after after two terms,

establishing this from that point on so that no man would gain too 

much power. What a great man.

"I am the resurrection and the life, saith the Lord, he

that liveth in me, though he were dead, yet shall

he live' and whosoever liveth and believeth in me

shall never die." -Inscription from St John above

George and Martha Washington's tombs.

So peaceful.

It was St. Patrick's day and we went to 

lunch in downtown Alexandria at an Irish pub.

Fish and chips there were AMAZING. The 4

of us shared one and were stuffed!

 Then some shopping, and shamrock shakes 

(tradition for Joseph and me)

and home after a great long day.

Love you, Mom and Joseph. Collin, Monte and I had the best time with you and we miss you.
See you in June!!!