hi hi

dad's at home and recovering. he gets weak sometimes, but overall he's much much better. he has been going on walks with my mom the past 2 days. last night my mom had something to do, so collin and I went over there and watched a movie with my dad. It's amazing and wonderful and tender to me how much our relationship has changed in one week. the stupid petty stuff we used to argue about disappeared. I used to always think my dad and I "just saw things differently." "didn't and wouldn't ever understand each other." even that the only way for  us to get along was for me to "just let go of all that and be on my best behavior" type of thing.

it's not true. we have much in common, in how we express ourselves, how we want to be heard, our testimonies of the gospel, our pride, our humility, our humor, our feelings of failure, our love for our family and for where we are in the moment. When I was sitting in the bathtub on Thursday, the day before he even went into the hospital, I was so scared of what could possibly happen, and I was crying and regretting so much wasted time. a whole 27 years I could have just been LAUGHING, learning from and having fun with my dad, (he really is a funny guy.) but in the hospital things got real, and in the heat of the moment, I stayed calm; I held his hand; I was given strength and he was fighting too. he remembers a time while he was "out" when he opened both eyes and couldn't find my mom (she and collin had gone to get us food), but he knew I was there and that I was holding his hand. it was that moment I mentioned before. We are so much more forgiving of each other. he is so soft and so kind. he is quick to say "I love you," and "I'm glad you came." He bragged to his friends about how I'm going to give birth in the water. (And up to now I figured he was happy about the pregnancy, but he was never vocal about it to me.)

I feel like this is really how family is supposed to treat each other. not holding each other to ridiculous standards or expectations, blaming, getting our feelings hurt so easily, or holding grudges. Just forgiving, loving, building each other up, making each other feel as good as possible. Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling with those things....even with my 2 best friends: Collin and my mom.

I know lots of people go through things like this and have hard times, so I don't want to be any more dramatic than necessary, but I just feel really blessed and feel really happy and feel like healing and forgiving are real. you can move on and live life and enjoy the time we have from here on out. So dad will have another surgery soon, and that one is a lot more nerve racking, but I know it'll be okay. I was also inspired in the middle of the night to come up with a bunch of questions for my dad. Although he's a big story-teller and I've heard a lot of the same ones over and over, there are things I don't know about him. I've been sending him a couple of quiestions at a time. I want to make it all into a story of him or something. I just want future generations to really know him!

Today: appointment at Blossom