3 years, gone girl

We are laying here, all sleeping..well I'm awake now. It's so overcast and rainy outside. Very very quiet and calm and peaceful. Frederick will be 3 on Thursday. Hattie, 9 months on Friday. They are growing up before my eyes. I'm growing up too. I still feel young though. I feel like I'm a kid in a 30 year old's body and they are my little buddies. I feel confident about the future. I feel loved by my husband. Sometimes my mind and insecurities play tricks but he loves and needs me. He even likes me, thinks I'm funny, says he needs me. I'm trying to never be critical because I'm so in love with him. He is so smart and funny. This morning he was doing a funny silly bit for the kids and I went outside my body, observing my life and I went weak at the knees looking at him. When he tells me everything is alright, it is alright. I don't feel scared or sad. Our bond has real power.

Frederick will be 3. My role as mother to him has challenged and shaped me. It teaches me and humbles me. These angels are the future.

He mostly get that it is or is going to be or was his bday. 3. I told him we were going to have a party and he gasped. He loves people. He is just so friendly!!! He says, "Hi, what's your name?" And, "my name is Frederick." If someone doesn't hear him or doesn't answer, he comes to me, a little disappointed. I smile and tell him it's ok and it's just good to be friendly and kind to everyone. This boy will change the world. He is special. He is a child of God. He love to sing and dance in the aisles of the grocery store. He loves to tell me, "mommy I gotta show you!" And shows me something he has found that is just gorgeous and special and unique to him.

He loves spending time and adventures with me. He adores his father and protects his sister. He cheers her on in every accomplishment she makes and confidently announces, "yay, I DID it!!" When he has done something he's proud of...even something like catching a ball. His enthusiasm and optimism and forgiveness inspire me every day. He is compassionate. When something goes wrong he says, "aw, that's too bad." Or when I cry he says we should say a prayer (and then spends the whole time without arms folded and usually yelling or singing something!! Haha, we are working on that one!) but I know he knows prayer is important and that it works. He lives and loves 100% and I'm so so deeply grateful to call him mine. Heavenly Father has a plan for him and loves him very much.

He's growing up but he's still little. I still have lots of time.

My FIRST born, at 4-6 months!


cheering Joe Joe on at his football game

Update in pictures

Lots of photos. Putting them on my blog and cleaning up space for lots of baby pictures coming soon 8)

Uncle Joseph football banquet.

Bugs and babies

Worst thing in my life. It's the time of year for bugs. I can't kill em or squish them or anything and Collin wasn't home so I drowned it with scalding hot water till its body ripped in half. Poor jerk. These two were fascinated. Monte just played then left. Great job, hunter. 

Children's museum with three of my favorite people. Look how big Freddie is!

Bus ride to our appointment at blossom yesterday. It was a strange hot one. We hasn't taken the train or bus in a while and Fred loved it. It's always fun on the way there but horrible, miserable, hot forever on the way back. 

"Rock a bye baby on the tree tops." So sweet, big brother Fred, till the bough breaks and he throws the baby overhand back into the cradle. 

The appointment was good. I took my sugar test, I'm measuring right on (so there all you idiots who keep telling me, WOW, you're huge!!!), I have to practice having Fred climb up to me instead of me picking him up from now on, and we discussed Fred coming to the birth. Collin and I want him there but we will be flexible, like if its in the middle of the night and he's asleep, or if anything else happens and it's not comfortable to have him in there. But I'm a very calm and quiet labor & birther and he's a pretty even tempered guy. Plus I know everything will be even more smooth this time. It would ve a great experience to have him a part of this miracle. We will go with the flow and I think it will all work out great. We have been watching animal and human births and talking lots to prepare for this great event and all the big changes to follow. 

Hey didi dot. 

Baby come dance with me.

I'm diggin this rainy day while doing a gigantic pile of dishes, 

kitten sleeping, and listening to my "favs" playlist. 

It's full of really amazing stuff, and then a couple 

of things everyone would disrespect me for. 

What can I say? I like being alone. I love a quiet home. 

I love to think. I love to just be. 

And I also love to be loud, be funny, be crazy, be spontaneous, be with Smith. 

That's why I love my life. I'm with Smith, who allows me to be me and be anything. 

We're all in. In it together. Just us two and the couple we've brought in. 

Cupcakes. Sharing 3 at Georgetown Cupcakes Fri night 

made me SO sick that night, but Milk Chocolate Birthday Cake, 

Strawberry Lava Fudge, and Lemon Blossom, you were

SO worth it!!

Gonzo. 

What a curious life we have found here tonight

there is music that sounds from the street.

There are lights in the clouds and his ghost all around

hear a voice as it's rolling and ringing through me,

soft and sweet, how the notes all blend unreachable.

The trees.

What a beautiful face I have found in this place

that is circling all 'round the sun.

And when we meet on a cloud

I'll be laughing out loud, 

I'll be laughing with everyone I see.

Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all.

                -N.M.H.

w-w-what would you do?

-It is so freezing cold!

-There are a lot of sicknesses in the fam right now. It's scary, but we have hope.

-There are a lot of BLESSINGS, too!

-I want to live somewhere warm.

-Monte gets neutered this Friday. I'll be taking him to the vet early in the morning, then going to the Temple, which has been closed for a few weeks for maintenance, and then picking him up at night. The Temple is awesome.

-Work was all day yesterday (11 hours), and ended up SO crappy because I left 1 hour early, (stylists all left and there was no one on the streets! It was freezing ice and dead!) AND I got busted for it. Uh oh. I can always admit and fess-up to my mistakes though. I'm just like, "I shouldn't have done it. Moment of weakness wanting to be home with my husband and kitten."

-When is my next trip to Phx? I start missing home a ton at this point every year. I need warm, comforting, best friend, 31st Way. I need my mom. Really. So many changes. Nothing is quite sinking in yet, though.

-I hate it when I'm mean to Collin. He's my best friend. He is so good to me. Why do I take crappy days out on him? And then he is even sweeter and says HE is sorry!!!! WHAT? Man,  I'm a human failure sometimes.

-I need a good old game night. with healthy snacks. and a movie marathon. and to see a movie in the theatre. and to make soup tonight for the soup and swap. MAYBE I'LL FIND SOMETHING THAT WILL CHANGE MY LIFE!

When your tiny kitten's nails aren't clipped they might do this to you:

But after I've clipped them, I feel so guilty because he can't jump up on the bed! It's too tall, so he used to jump, dig his claws in, and mountain climb up. Now he jumps and just falls back down. Saddest thing ever. But cute. And I just pick him up and help him. 

Sleeping

 HAHAHAHAHA, got ya!!!!

Fall in the rain. 

 hood

Dear friends from everywhere

I have been very blessed to have wonderful amazing friends. Some of them have been in my life for 26 years, some for 10, some for a couple and some just a few months. Each place I live you care for me, listen to me, share your heart with me, and make a lasting impression on my life. I sincerely think about you often. I wish I kept better contact, but I do think of you and love you. There are people in Phoenix and Utah that I haven't seen in 6 months to a year or more, but I still feel close to you. Don't forget about me. I'm so thankful for friends.

I know that about 5 people read this, but it goes out to you.

PS. Dear friend, Natalie, daughter Madeleine, and I went and got some cupcakes yesterday.

Like mother, like daughter

D.A.R. women represent.

Yumm. Chocolate PB chip

Little M was teaching this doll to go potty. Good job. :)

Ps. I love the doll.

It's been pretty rainy romantic out lately.

Work party in the woods

Today we had a work meeting at Tyson's Corner, Virginia. It was actually awesome, and I got recognized and won an award for doing a good job, yahoo! Then we went over to a nearby park to BBQ and eat and play. My boss grilled Moroccan burgers like a champ, and not 1 hour later it was POURING rain. We rain to our cars, but I got soaked. Fun day.

Plus, Collin got a well-paying-month-long gig through the temp agency. I can't help but think that this is so right for us right now, and that Heavenly Father has something amazing in store for our future...

Rainy Rockville on March 13th

There are a lot of bare trees that will soon be full of blossoms.

I would love to have this pair.

Everyone should do their census. It's fun! We did it, and Collin got jealous because I wrote it all. So take turns.