i think lately

I'm not afraid to breast feed anymore.

Trip to Tucson

This past weekend, Joseph had his first football game of the season in Tucson so the whole family went down together. We stayed in this awesome beautiful hotel that blended in really perfectly with the mountains and scenery. It was a relaxing paradise. My dad is the head coach, but took it easy due to the surgery. Joe did awesome, and they beat the other team into the ground. It was like 48-0. We were in the awesome car driving down. Roller Coaster Road + the theme from Halloween and then growing pains. dance party in the car. swimming in a really awesome pool overlooking Tucson. Perfect weather at the game. tons of walking. Almost peeing my pants every two seconds because my bladder is the size of a pea. being so in love with collin. eating DELICIOUS "Mama's" pizza!!! So amazing! my mom and I got a cheese with tomato and artichokes. My pregnancy food is artichokes. playing werewolf, watching Chopped, telling ghost stories till 2, 3am. Then being the "OLD" person and telling everyone to be quiet and go to bed. awesome testimony meeting with just the family. (we've never done that, and it was really neat.) Taking a long shower, using a TON of shampoo and conditioner (is not using a lot a stressful thing for anyone else?), and taking a long walk around the hotel with Collin. Running into my mom and dad and friends. starving to death and shaking so my husband ran and bought me chinese food and somehow it was the most romantic thing ever. fun drive back and then home to our darling kitties who SPENT the night by themselves for the FIRST TIME EVER!!!! (Monte didn't kill Dot, phew.)

AND finally arranging the baby furniture and setting everything up and packing completely. yahoo. Still have lots to do for the room, but that's cool.

I took a ton of pictures and was so excited to post them and then...guess what...they weren't there. More than half of them were erased somehow. So depressing for me. Collin even took a picture of me pregnant that I wasn't totally disgusted at because of my largeness. LOST. but oh well...I must move on.....

Here are a few that SOMEHOW made it....

Help independent Phoenix venue

About the Yellow Canary Dance Hall

The Yellow Canary Dance Hall is a volunteer-run, all-ages space for experimental art and music located in a dusty neighborhood in South Phoenix, AZ. Modeled after house shows and structured after successful DIY all-ages spaces throughout the country, we hope to provide a communal space with programming that will challenge and inspire the oft-culture starved residents of Central Arizona, both creatively and emotionally, in the context of a punk show.

   CLICK Box to the left for full INFO

oh man, this is so lovely:

http://jinkyart.com.au/index2.php?v=v1#/home/

I want to be so colorful and carefree.

PLAY TIME! // haley sheffield = genius photographer

When Montgomery gets into play/KILL mode....watch out...

he goes CRAZY!

seriously, Dot, run.

There was a ball at the end of that string that he ripped off.

Now he's trying to bite the cardboard in half.

obsessed with this little grey fuzzball. I think he

was imagining Dot's face.  He used to be an only child.

scared a little, but she can hold her own.

Settling down. baths, eat, 

Sleep. body in one box and head through a window in another.

PLUS: the most GORGEOUS GENIUS Photography EVER:

http://www.haleysheffield.com/

I wanna pose like this with Collin. mmm hmm.

happy post!

went out with besties, Morgan and Tom the other night for appetizers appetizers APPETIZERS at Oreganos. DELICIOUS! FULL! Happy! Here are some cutie pictures.

PS. Maria Taylor just came out with a new cd today. (she's one of the women from one of my favorite bands, Azure Ray.) cool!!!
PPS. Tim Fite is an incredible artist. I wish he didn't swear so much. but man, he's incredible.

Had another weekly appt today. Collin couldn't come but AJ came with me and it was really fun to have him there. things were good except that I neglected myself a little with hydration and calories. I had a stressful week! but I can't let it effect little baby dude. there was a questions of where the head was, so I had a quick little ultrasound and got to see the little one's face, staring STRAIGHT at us, SMILING!!! hahahahahhaha. It was SOOO adorably creepster. little chin. big head just like mama. I can't wait! (but I can! develop all the way as much as you need to and THEN come!) Oh, and head was down and in PERfect position, yay.

Here are some gorgeous pictures of the gorgeous phoenix sky from the other night. Mini dust storm. wonderful experience in the temple with Collin.

Here's when a friend was using her magical pencil powers to tell 

me the sex of my baby. She says a boy. so does my dad and AJ. 

Mom says a girl. I say I HAVE NO CLUE!!!!!!

I'm so excited. Not finding out the sex is THE BEST!!!!!

I love you, hot stuff

Holy crap my acid reflux will be the death of me. 

My kitties ARE SO CUTE! MAN! they do everything with me. I'm never lonely! I love my monte guy and dottie girl. BAH! they are so sweet.

hi hi

dad's at home and recovering. he gets weak sometimes, but overall he's much much better. he has been going on walks with my mom the past 2 days. last night my mom had something to do, so collin and I went over there and watched a movie with my dad. It's amazing and wonderful and tender to me how much our relationship has changed in one week. the stupid petty stuff we used to argue about disappeared. I used to always think my dad and I "just saw things differently." "didn't and wouldn't ever understand each other." even that the only way for  us to get along was for me to "just let go of all that and be on my best behavior" type of thing.

it's not true. we have much in common, in how we express ourselves, how we want to be heard, our testimonies of the gospel, our pride, our humility, our humor, our feelings of failure, our love for our family and for where we are in the moment. When I was sitting in the bathtub on Thursday, the day before he even went into the hospital, I was so scared of what could possibly happen, and I was crying and regretting so much wasted time. a whole 27 years I could have just been LAUGHING, learning from and having fun with my dad, (he really is a funny guy.) but in the hospital things got real, and in the heat of the moment, I stayed calm; I held his hand; I was given strength and he was fighting too. he remembers a time while he was "out" when he opened both eyes and couldn't find my mom (she and collin had gone to get us food), but he knew I was there and that I was holding his hand. it was that moment I mentioned before. We are so much more forgiving of each other. he is so soft and so kind. he is quick to say "I love you," and "I'm glad you came." He bragged to his friends about how I'm going to give birth in the water. (And up to now I figured he was happy about the pregnancy, but he was never vocal about it to me.)

I feel like this is really how family is supposed to treat each other. not holding each other to ridiculous standards or expectations, blaming, getting our feelings hurt so easily, or holding grudges. Just forgiving, loving, building each other up, making each other feel as good as possible. Don't get me wrong, I'm still struggling with those things....even with my 2 best friends: Collin and my mom.

I know lots of people go through things like this and have hard times, so I don't want to be any more dramatic than necessary, but I just feel really blessed and feel really happy and feel like healing and forgiving are real. you can move on and live life and enjoy the time we have from here on out. So dad will have another surgery soon, and that one is a lot more nerve racking, but I know it'll be okay. I was also inspired in the middle of the night to come up with a bunch of questions for my dad. Although he's a big story-teller and I've heard a lot of the same ones over and over, there are things I don't know about him. I've been sending him a couple of quiestions at a time. I want to make it all into a story of him or something. I just want future generations to really know him!

Today: appointment at Blossom

After yesterday and the hard night for him/his heart on Sat night, he seems to be doing much better. He is on a medication that stabilizes his heart till it can totally heal. They should be sending him home today to recover. Then they will try for the next heart procedure to fix the quarter sized hole he's had since birth. It is a blessing that they found it at all (wouldn't have without doing that other procedure), a blessing that we live so close to the AZ heart hospital with AMAZING doctors....top in the country for hearts....there are only a few doctors preforming BOTH of his surgeries in the COUNTRY. And he and we feel so loved by so many. After he rests a bit and gets better, hopefully in about a week, they will attempt to go in through a vein and plug up the hole with this "mini umbrella" type thing. This is a VERY new procedure. The doctor has only done 300, but none have been fatal. They get in, and if they can't do it, they don't. So if the hole is too big they will have to do open heart surgery. They will have to break his sternum and open his chest and he could be out for 3 months or so. (we talked to one of the nurses that had it done.) So we are DESPERATELY praying and hoping that 

1. the ablation scars over and is successful, and

2. he can get the first option, the non-surgical plug through the vein. 

I know that Heavenly Father has a plan and that everything will be okay. I know it. It's sometimes so hard to see past the trials right in front of me, but we all have faith. Collin assisted AJ in giving my dad a blessing of having faith last night. It was very special and beautiful. I know family is all that really matters. This little baby sure is lucky to be born into such a loving extended family and friends, huh? I hope I can be a worthy mother of such a special little being. I just get this feeling that there's something really good about him or her. 

Thank you for your prayers. Seriously, when someone says they are thinking of us and keeping us in their prayers, it makes me want to cry because I really feel it.

And this weekend we were supposed to be going to Tucson for Joseph and my dad's (he's the head coach) FIRST football game of the season. If you don't know my dad, playing and coaching Joseph in football and basketball are his true passions life. In fact, he keeps saying he has a testimony of sports and believes that's why he made it 51 years on this heart of his. He keeps saying he's going to be at the game. The doctors gave him an okay to walk around, go places, but take it easy, and that he wasn't allowed to PLAY football...so who knows haha....what a funny guy, my dad. 

this is a bit of a roller coaster. Things change so quickly, but I wanted to write more. There were complications. The first surgery is still healing, and my dad had another fribulation in the middle of the night last night so they had to shock his heart three times. When we got in to see him today after church, he was on a little oxygen again, but they took it off him pretty quickly. When we left tonight, his vitals were good, heart was steady all day, but for now they are going to send wait to do the hole surgery till next week. He's hoping that means sending him home tomorrow. Then the stress and worry starts again. But it will be okay. It was nice to be there, just the family all packed in his little room. Lots of love and honesty and LAUGHTER. I felt my dad's fear a little bit, but AJ and Collin gave him a priesthood blessing to have faith and that he will be okay. God is mindful of us. What a thought, but I know it's true. Collin and I fell asleep on a chair together this afternoon. We fit, even with my big belly. I love and rely on him completely. We are 36 weeks pregnant today. I love my family. I'm also soooooooo grateful for my friends. I feel so so loved. Thank you for prayers.