Wearing my sweet Hattie

I love babywearing again! Hattie is so light in the moby. She falls asleep instantly on my chest. I love being close to her. Freddie gets a kick out of her in his old carrier. He's like, "oh yeah!!!"

Christmas Eve 2013

It's been a week since the birth of our little Hattie girl. We fall more in love w her every day. Freddie loves loves loves "baby Hattie," and gets super hyper around her. He's learning to be gentle. He wants to hold her all the time. He comforts her. Freddie asks me to sing him the Baby Mine song all the time. Yesterday we were driving in the car and Hattie had started crying a little. Out of nowhere he held her hand and sang, "Baby mine don't you cry; lay your heart close to my heart, never a tear, baby a mine." Um. Collin and I definitely got all teared up. And then Fred tried to poke her eyeballs: "THEY're ON!!"

The jealousy has been minimal. It's crazy how much my love has grown for Fred too. He melts my heart. 

What a week! We were in the hospital for 3 days! It was exhausting!!!!!!! We were so so happy to get back home and be in our own comfy bed, with the kitties and Frederick. Collin has been taking great care of us. 

Anyway, Christmas Eve!!!! It was an interesting one this year. We were behind on Christmas stuff of course, so Collin and Freddie were out shopping all day. Hattie and I stayed home in bed, and I was a little bummed to be missing out, but it was good to rest up and spend alone time with my new little honey. 

We opened some gifts from a friend!

I have to say....

I LOVE having a daughter! Hattie is the sweetest, darlingest, most amazing baby girl I've ever known. I just hold her in my arms and stare and listen as she sleeps, jostles, coos, breathes, dreams, and makes the cutest peeping noises.

Andddddd I LOVE not being pregnant! Sorry to my dear dear pregnant friends! As you know, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm loving not to having that giant belly!!! I can turn around/twist! Be comfortable in the car! Take a shower and reach everything! Take a super super hot shower! Lay on my back! Clean out the cat litter (I know that doesn't sound awesome, but I like having it clean all day and not having to wait for CS to be home etc. 

Yesterday we all went to the doctor-

Hattie had her first pediatrician check up and first vaccine and is perfect. 

I had a follow up about my blood pressure w my dr (same as Hattie's) and it's high again so I'm going to be on medication---not the heavy crazy magnesium, thank goodness, but some other stuff that doesn't effect breastfeeding and the side effects are small. Ill take it for a month, then hopefully everything will going back to normal and I'll get off it. 

And poor sweet Freddie hurt his foot and had to go to the ER for x-rays. He was limping and screaming--scary and very unusual for him. But there were no breaks so he pretty much just has to take ibuprofen and let it heal. Bummer at Christmas time. 

Merry Christmas Eve!!!!!! We definitely have had a very different year this year. We are behind on everything, but have a good excuse! Today we are just going to lay low! Make a cmas treat, watch a few movies, go to the park to enjoy sun, fresh air, and blankets in the grass. Tonight we will hang out w the money's at our place. 

Nursing--is going well. It's painful to have my milk come in, uncomfortable to be constantly leaking and smelling like milk bleh. I'm also enjoying it right away this time and know everything will regulate soon. It's a little tricky to figure out when to let Freddie nurse. Honestly, he's so easily distracted from it that he could probably do it much less, but I've been so engorged that sometimes I beg him to nurse to just empty a little. Phew. 

Fred holding Hattie. She was super thrilled. He loooooooves her. 

Barely fits in NB clothes.

My two babes

Here is Frederick at one day old

And Harriet at one day old

Oh man I love my babes!!!!!!

Smiths become 4 (6 with kitties!!)

Well as you know, blog of mine, my estimated due date with this second pregnancy was December the 5th, and as you further know, estimated due dates are nuts and I don't care for them much at all! So Thursday December 19th marked 42 weeks gestation for us and it meant time to get to the hospital and get this baby born. I really didn't want to do that. I feel babies will come when they are ready and we had gotten 2 ultrasounds that measured the fluid levels, placenta quality, babe movement, heartbeat, etc and we got perfect scores both times. But the problem for the wonderful women at Blossom birth center was that starting at 39 weeks my blood pressure had been slightly high and had been climbing little by little. They had done preeclampsia tests, which came back negative and I felt like a million bucks, so I thought it was all kind of dramatic. They asked I be on bed rest till the babe was born. But by Wednesday the 18th, they asked us to eat a good dinner and go in to try some natural induction methods and have a baby.

Well that all got put on hold when I got there and my blood pressure was 160. I rested, they took it again; 130. But when if got up and did anything at all it would raise again. Meanwhile I was dialated to about a 6, super soft cervix, but the surges were just tightenings, hardly noticeable. I had not experienced anything with much feeling in general in the past 2 weeks so hopes of giving birth that night were low for me. Diane came in and gave me a pelvic massage, loosening up lots of muscles and tight spots. Finally, I took a bath to relax and they had me bear down a little to see if it would progress anything at all...but they took my BP and it was 180. 

"Time to go to the hospital." 

Job 2

Job was a good man and had great integrity. Satan afflicted him with boils all over his body and he still remained faithful. His wife told him to curse God and be put out of his misery but he would not and ensured to the end. Then his friends came and comforted and mourned with him. This was mercy from God. 

Right now I am going through something hard...I have been waiting for almost 2 weeks for my baby to come. Everyday comes and goes with little or no progress. My faith has gone up and down, but God has never left me. He is there to comfort me whenever I turn to him in prayer. (Even after I have insane emotional breakdowns and say I'm giving up.) He sends my husband, parents, and friends, as angels, to mourn with me and comfort me. There are so many who call or text every day, wondering how I'm doing and if the baby is coming. Part of me has a hard time with the pressure it creates, but really I am so blessed to have so many who care and are thinking of me. :) I am continuously learning, repenting, growing, messing up, getting comfort and answers and everything all over again in this pregnancy. This baby has much to teach and add to our family. This is a very special little one.

I need to endure and have integrity. I need to have faith and patience. This will pass (it has to by Thursday!!) and we will have our new child and everything will be different and I'll have many many more lessons to learn. I can do it with God's help, with Collin, the Savior's atonement and the Holy Ghost. 

Santa Claus is coming coming

We've been asking Freddie for months, "Freddie, is mommy going to have a baby??" He finally got wise and today answered, "nope." 

Haha! I promise Fred! He or she is coming soon! 

We are all doing well. If you wonder how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking, read this article:

http://www.mothering.com/community/a/the-last-days-of-pregnancy-a-place-of-in-between

And here are some photos of my love a doves. 

Mesa Christmas temple lights with my two best friends

I love being on the temple grounds with my family. Frederick and Collin and I loved the beautiful lights. They get better and better every year.

For the strength of youth

I have been studying and analyzing the for the strength of youth pamphlet for personal progress for the past few weeks. I feel so blessed to have this guidance and these standards in my life. It has given me much insight into what I can do better to make my life easier, my relationships stronger, and to be a confident strong daughter of God.

I wish for my young women to make and accomplish these goals because I love them very much and know it will bless their lives. I also desire for my family and especially my children to become familiar with and live these standards. We will work in then together! We are a very blessed people and church. We are never alone. We are never in the dark. We have every resource given to us and it starts with personal, sincere, humble prayer to our Heavenly Father. 

Good night!

Link:

https://www.lds.org/youth/for-the-strength-of-youth?lang=eng

Dates schmates!!

It's kind of weird going "over" the estimated due date. I've gotten a little anxious at times. But then I remember how strongly I believe it is just an estimation...and that it's normal for babies to come two weeks before that date to two weeks after. 

And thank goodness my only side effect is being tired...I feel great and I'm not swollen and I get to sleep tons during the day and take at least one bath a day thanks to my mom, friends and especially my husband taking such good care of Frederick and me. (Oh yeah...and thanks to Sesame Street too, ha!)

Collin got me a push gift of gorgeous alphabet notecards in gray and orange (colors I've been loving this time around for nursery, clothes, blankets, etc). His card mentioned that each day brings us closer to our new baby and growing family. I love that perspective!!! Each day is not taking us further from the due date and being "overdue," but each day brings us closer to the date my babe is ready to be born and our exciting new life together!!! Thank you Collin!!!! for not only supporting me, but for feeling strongly about these things and keeping me calm, helping me reframe any situation into a positive one, and for being on my side!

We are chill. This babe will come when he or she intends, it will be a beautiful, happy day, and you all will hear about it. Oh yes, you will. ;)

If you're interested, awesome facts on how labor gets started:

Update in pictures

Lots of photos. Putting them on my blog and cleaning up space for lots of baby pictures coming soon 8)

Uncle Joseph football banquet.

Birthing playlist

Here are links to each song on my birthing playlist. I listen to them and all anxieties float away and I'm left happy, comforted, confident.

You are My Sister, Antony and the Johnsons

Spiralling, Antony and the Johnsons

Beautiful Things Can Come from the Dark, Azure Ray

In My Life, The Beatles

Puet-etre que je t'aime, Francoise Hardy

I Can't Help Falling in Love with You, Elvis Presley

Birthing affirmations, Marie Mongan

^^buddies already 

^^^Above was this morning, at Collin's work. They had a sweet little Happy Baby Smith party and breakfast and invited Frederick and me!! It was so nice to meet Collin's new co workers and see the office. It's so beautifully decorated for Christmas, which warmed my heart even more. 

Declaration and thanksgiving

We are beloved spirit daughters of God, and our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction. As a worldwide sisterhood, we are united in our devotion to Jesus Christ, our Savior and Exemplar. We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:

Increase our testimonies of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study.

Seek spiritual strength by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Dedicate ourselves to strengthening marriages, families, and homes.

Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood.

Delight in service and good works.

Love life and learning.

Stand for truth and righteousness.

Sustain the priesthood as the authority of God on earth.

Rejoice in the blessings of the temple, understand our divine destiny, and strive for exaltation.

(I memorized this as one of my personal progress value experiences and I think it's awesome.)

My blessings:

Maternity Photos November 2013

One of my dearest friends, Jayna, took pictures of our family and my 8 month belly earlier this month. We love them very very much!! And we love her. Here are our favorites...      

Her website is JaynaHedges.com

Five years old

It had rained all day. Here in Phoenix, it's sunny. And if it rains, it's just a little. But this had been all day.

The streets were wet and gorgeous and blurry. We were bundled up, holding hands, nothing/no one between. 

We left our world behind with his uncle and ran off into the night. First to walk through Christmas trees, lights, antique glitter, tricycles, repurposed hutches and gorgeous couches, and collect vintage ornaments. 

Then through the rain to an Itailian house, so dark and romantic. The food was the most incredible I've had in a long time. Everything is my new favorite, warm, creative, complex, and familiar. I crave it now. We had been promised a 45 minute wait, but perhaps November or love or pregnancy or God himself interfeered and we were given a table not 12 minutes later. We sat across from each other at that tiny table and asked questions and talked about the future five years. 

Without further exact plans, but the night still being young, we went out in search for the perfect dessert to share. While driving around downtown, getting lost in the blurriness and no chance of parking spots, we happened upon a particularly dark and interesting alley where Collin discovered a secret performance going on. There was a warehouse, modern dance, and a woman staring out a gate at us; it was where we needed to be that night! 

We witnessed a beautiful interesting creepy few scenes, heard some lovely music, talked with some wonderful old friends and met new, everyone ever asking and congratulating about my obvious upcoming life change. We relaxed in a comfortable lounge and despite being among eyeballs, skins, mannequins and instruments, held hands and found the trash together. 

One more adventure: we were recommended the best ice cream ever, so set off once again in the late rain, found our place (and free parking!) and had the most delicious combinations while listening about Europa, Jupiter's moon, and Montessori ideals. It had been an interesting wonderful adventure, spent with my best friend and favorite person in the universe. "Five years paying bills; five years without any frills!" We had joked that morning, budgeting and paying rent etc. But there's no one i'd rather do any of this with, CS. There's no one I find more interesting, handsome, intelligent and strong. We have a very blessed life with our babies and kitties and little space. Happy November 22nd. 

This is no joke...

Fred said, "I wan milkaay!"

And I asked what it tastes like. 

And he said, "chicken."

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Took some pictures after church! Grey family! Awesome faces. Sweet wood in the back. 

A&tJ

These little nervous feelings about giving birth started creeping in but today I'm packing and listening to my birthing playlist and I'm feeling so happy weepy sentimental good. Fred is napping and I'm cuddled in my bed dreaming of my second child. Antony and the Johnsons is my favorite for birth (and in general). Last time I listened to Spiraling over and over and this time I love You are my Sister. I am picturing Frederick and the baby, together; so magical. (I mean I'm worried about him being rough and going "boomy" right on the babes head too), but I know they will love each other.

As I listen to Hypnobirthing affirmations my body gets so relaxed and gushy and comfortable. I will be confident, safe, secure. I will open and birth smoothly and easily. I will look to Collin. I trust him. I've been in love with him for over 6 years, you know. 

These are more good things:

38 weeks this week

Had a great prenatal appointment today. 

The baby is very low, everything is measuring exactly on and my midwife said that he or she could come any day!! (But to still assume it'll be later rather than sooner!)

We need to pack and get everything ready. This is getting very very real.

I'm so happy!!

Julianne Swartz at Smoca

Gorgeous, interesting, LOVELY exhibit at Smoca currently all about LOVE. And magnets. It was all so heart warming and fun! Frederick wanted to touch everything but was good and patient with us while we talked and explored it all, explaining that we look with our eyes and then think about it with our heads and feel it in our hearts. He did so well, and there were a few things he could touch here and there.

Beautiful beautiful exhibit.

Wrapped in red

Graphic!

Broby loves baby too!

Young Women In Excellence 2013

The girls decided to make the theme Yw in excellence, through the years. The Yw program was established in 1870 and each girl picked a decade from then to now to represent. Many dressed up, decorated their desplays etc with their decade.

Sometimes your power goes out

Sometimes your power goes out and you have to pack up, get outside, and go on a big long adventure. But then you stop on the corner to eat your sandwich and watch big trucks WORK!!

Soon stuff

Ankles swelling, insane acid reflux, have to pee every time I stand...not complaining, just saying ;)

Babes coming soon. 

Plans!

Perineal toning/massage- when perineal rim is adequately softened and toned w massage, becomes numb w pressure of baby's head. As baby naturally is expelled, perineum unfolds and baby passes easily down and out.

When pre-Surges come: slow breathing And listen to birth affirmations. Get in tub.

When Waters release: listen to birth affirmations, eat, breathe, yoga, Collin-script, practice positions, shower

Baby expulsion stage: lay or squat in tub, Collin-touch, script, breathe, affirmations

Ideal birth experience:

Update!!

Thursday I'm 36 weeks and I've been feeling all the normal cramping, practice surges, total exhaustion that comes with this point in pregnancy.

I feel good. I had an appointment today and it was very positive. 

I've been having little headaches; I need to drink more water. I've been having crazy vivid nightmarish dreams every night; I need to write down 5 positive affirmations for each of the dreams. 

In my last two dreams, the babe was a girl. Either way, he/she moves like crazy, non-stop!!

The big one too:::Nichelle described him perfectly today: a brilliant energizer bunny!! I love him. So so much. 

In every prayer he says "thank you for the fair," about 5 times and today he added, "thank you for the bus." He is really freaking sweet with my belly. He rubs gently in a circle while he's nursing. 

Today when we heard the heartbeat, Fred lit up!!! He definitely knows what's going on. He knows there is a baby in my belly and that it's going to come out and be in our family. Now, I doubt he can comprehend having a sibling, but then again, I can't comprehend having another child. Today we watched births of kitties, a cow, and 2 humans. Fred thought they were very interesting. 

OCTOBER! Halloween!

October is over! November is here: the month of thanksgiving, our 5th anniversary, just days and weeks before our jumping Bean joins the family on the outside!! GIVING BIRTH SOON!
I'll now be posting a giant post about October, Halloween etc. This spooky month was pretty good to us.

Big brother

Fred asks multiple times a day to see the baby and I have to pull up my shirt and everything so he can rub, hug, talk to, listen to my tummy, play w my belly button etc. it just makes me want to burst open w love and excitement. We talk about when the baby comes and what it might be like. 

The last week has been hard because I've decided to be strict on nursing just once a day--for the mid-day nap. I love nursing, so so much, but now it's painful and uncomfortable and I don't want to do it. So we had our first ever family meeting and all agreed that it would be just the once a day.

Although Fred made his verbal agreement, there have been a lot of tears, talking, reminding, tantrums, frustrations, etc. 

Tonight while Fred was falling asleep we had the sweetest time together that made up for the hard times in the past few days. He loves me. He loves the baby. We just sat together and he grew tired, and had his arm across my belly. I just stared at him and thought about him as a big brother and didn't want it to go so fast. He said, "milky is sleeping," as if he was saying he would love to have some, but knows it's not possible right now. I said, "yes, and also remember we agreed to just have it once a day, "to which he answered, "once a day." This is so emotional to me. 

Part of me realizes that in the future I will look back on this time and ache to be able to nurse my little boy again...and here I am, ending it. But what makes it ok in my brain and heart is that I know he's growing up and learning to deal with his emotions in other ways and that's important. 

Then just now talking to Collin about it all, verbalizing it all, and again typing it, thinking about it, my eyes well up with tears. He really is growing up and there's nothing I can do about it. This change is huge. And more giant changes I can't even comprehend are coming. 

I'm a giant knotted up ball of emotional hormones right now!!!

Okay so now a bunch of photos of all my darlings:

Iced pumpkin cookies

Iced pumkpin cookies, yummy yum!!! Here's a good recipe I found: 

http://m.allrecipes.com/recipe/10033/iced-pumpkin-cookies

Fred LOVES to help in the kitchen. He loves to stir, measure, hold pan handles, turn on the mixer and on and off the lights. He even settles for watching sometimes...rarely...okay maybe once. He loves to help cook, and loves to help eat! 

Ingredients

Cookies

• 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup butter, softened
• 1 1/2 cups white sugar

• 1 cup canned pumpkin puree
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• Icing
• 2 cups confectioners' sugar
• 3 tablespoons milk
• 1 tablespoon melted butter
  Directions
• 
  
• 
  
• 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, ground cloves, and salt; set aside.
• 
  
• 2. In a medium bowl, cream together the 1/2 cup of butter and white sugar. Add pumpkin, egg, and 1 teaspoon vanilla to butter mixture, and beat until creamy. Mix in dry ingredients. Drop on cookie sheet by tablespoonfuls; flatten slightly.
• 
  
• 3. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes in the preheated oven. Cool cookies, then drizzle glaze with fork.
• 
  
• 4. To Make Glaze: Combine confectioners' sugar, milk, 1 tablespoon melted butter, and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Add milk as needed, to achieve drizzling consistency.
• 
  

Family story time for crazies

Fred didn't take a nap till 1 today since we were at a bday party this afternoon. We all ended up napping for a very very long time. Fred woke up super cranky crazed and wanted the caterpillar book. Fine. Then he starts shouting out demands like, "PUT THAT DOOOOWN."


Nuts o.

AZ state fair!!!!!

What a great day at the state fair!!! (Our only complaint was that it was almost 90 degrees and we were sweating the while time!! Freddie LOVED it. He just stared at everything, was taking it all in. He wanted to go on every ride...especially the super giant crazy ones ("I want dis!" And pointed UP.) but sadly he could only go in 3 rides in the whole place because even for all the kids rides one had to be 36 inches tall and Fred is 32. But he loved the few he went on...err mostly. That kid us so funny, when he was actually finally on a ride, he seemed kind of indifferent, Haha.

Well I rode zero rides. I mean, I'm 33 weeks pregnant, so I figured it would be pretty limited, but I couldn't ride anything at all. It was the fair policy that no one expecting could go on any ride. I couldn't even sit on a bench on the carousel!! But hey, I didn't mind a bit. I ate tons of delicious fair food, and that's what's most important!

Family/babymoon/anniversary TRIP up north to celebrate FALL

It's fun to stay in a motel